Changing the Last Name of a Child with Autism

My question involves name change laws in the State of: New York

Very long story short my son just recently turned 11 Years Old and his biological father who is on his birth certificate left just before his first birthday with no contact since. I met my husband shortly after and he has been there for my son ever since, my son the past few years has been asking me to change his last name to my husbands. My son is high functioning autistic and it really shows in his behavior. He does see a counselor and even the counselor said how strongly he feels about changing his last name but my concern is that my son does not do very well talking to strangers so when I was talking to him about what we would have to do to change his name he expressed a large amount of fear about possibly seeing his dad, talking to the judge if he has to, basically just the overall experience. I told him that maybe we should wait till he was older but again he insisted that he wanted no association with his real dad or his name. If I decide to take the steps to change his name is there any alternative for my son not having to go to court? I dont know if his father will show up and dispute it or not but with an Autistic child I have to try and prepare for every possible scenario, thank you in advance!!

You can either ask dad to consent to the name change, or you can pursue it in court with notice to the father and, if the father objects, attempt to prove to the court that the name change should proceed on the basis that it's in the best interest of the child. I don't know how either the father or your spouse would feel about it, but you may also want to consider the larger step of stepparent adoption.