My 8 Year Old Son Doesn't Want to Go to His Mom on Scheduled Visits

We did let him know but we also let him talk to the officer and the officer let him know that nothing coul be dne until we went to court ! and that is when the attorney said we would be able to get moe done cause the ifo we ave no wil result in nothigmore than th mother getting a lecture. i dont wnat that i am tired of HER using him as a pawn and only seeing him when she isnt off getting drunk and partyig

YOU ARE USING YOUR SON AS A PAWN.

You're just not seeing it.

But, that aside, the bottom line remains: Sean goes on visitation - period. You obey that court order to the letter. If Mom doesn't turn up? That's up to her. But you, and Sean, do NOT get to make the decision.

You have no reason to go to court. Mom on the other hand? Mom might.

no i wa nt saying anything about neverleting him go to his moms... but the week long visits she does get he doesnt wanna go ... he goes on the weekends she DECIDES to cme get him and he is ok with that but over the past 6 month he has showed less and less interst in going...
i understand i dont let him lay out of school he ges torgular dr visits and has a bedtime... but he dont mind doin that ! he never argues with me... and so your telling me that when she call im spposd to tell him wat tosay? i hand him the phone and let him speak freely is that wrong o my prt a well????

how am i using him as a pawn? honestly? we dont speak of his mom to him and we dont try to. he came to me with this and his mom called to talk to him and those were his words not ours and im the bad guy>?

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Quoting Seansdaddy311

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Like i said i guess i should elaborate more! I am his father not his buddy. She is the one that uses him as a pawn i have never i mean never usdmy son as chip butwhen it comes to his mother he makes his own decisions!

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No, he doesn't. Really, did you have a recent head injury? It shouldn't be this hard.

He is 8. You are under a court order to deliver him to mom. Neither of you has a say in the matter.

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The dr dentist andschool are matter of health anda career going to his moms is nothing but a scary mess!

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No, it is a matter of LAW. Failing to follow a court order can have terrible outcomes... like losing custody.

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A week with out a shower

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My kids were showering on their own at 6.

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no personal hgene sleeping on the floor or a couch going to work with her at a retail place for 8 hours a day.

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Not illegal. Teach the kid how to wash himself. he is 8.

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Being left home alne and all the emotional mistreatment!

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so you were looking in the window? You know what happened and the words said or are you empowering an 8 year old to tattle on mom's behavior when you aren't around.

congrats, you just upped your score on the craptastic parent meter.

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I nor my fiance have nver said onecross word about her in front of o with in ear shot of him...

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Well, except when you interrogate him about what happens at mom's house. I am sure that since the only person you require him to give a minute by minute account of is mom that he doesn't understand mom's house is different.

You really think you are raising a gerbil, don't you?

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She tried to come pick him up wih out his booster seat , which we hve sent threeup there to her wth ... Then after borrowing another one of ours she still brings him home with out one becuse she "forgot " to puthim in one cuse she just didnt think it was important.... I knw he loveshis mom and i have never rfused her seein him and just like the lawyer said i dont have to sit around and wait on her to get him when she pleases.

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You either facilitate the meetings with mom or hope she will with you when custody is reversed. your choice.

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If the cild doesnt wanna go wht am i to do cause he dont feel safe up there?

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You tell him to get in the car. What do you tell him when he doesn't want to go to the dentist because he doesn't like it there?

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She has a male roomate i have never met norknow anything about ... Her ex had history of child abuse and domestic violence...

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Not relevant. One guy isn't there and you don't like the other because you don't know anything about him. Have you released your fiancee's criminal history and recent drug screen to mom - or is that just another on the list of things that only mom has to do?

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But that makes me the bad guy for feelin unsureofsending my son up there?i wnat to go before a judge! I want to i have documentation for the last 4 yrs since she left us. Her selling drugs and being around him while doing it.

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Oh, so you have proof she sold drugs with the child around? Proof? Why didn't you call the police and report the crime?

Because you don't have proof. You really don't want to go back to court. You will lose BADLY.

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Again i never bring up this shit with him hes 8 ****ing years old! I know not to ! I guess it was ignornt on my part not to fully disclse thewhole issue at hand!

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Nothing in your full disclosure changes a single thing.

Send the boy. Apologize to mom. Hope she doesn't take you to court for contempt of the court order.

this is te first time in four years this has hapened... all due to the emotional guilt she put on hm ! so im a good parent if i send him up here to b more emotionally distraught and hurt by her ?

Dad, please listen. I know that you're frustrated, okay? But let your emotions go. This is business. This is legalities. This is court. This is law. Okay?

Sean goes - whether he wants to or not. Sean needs to understand (sooner rather than later) that sometimes, he's going to have to do things he doesn't want to do. He needs to understand that it's just not his choice. It's not open for discussion. Period. Even if.

That's honestly, truly, the bottom line.

(Frankly yes - he should not be speaking to his other parent in that manner. And you should be correcting it)

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Quoting Seansdaddy311

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this is te first time in four years this has hapened... all due to the emotional guilt she put on hm ! so im a good parent if i send him up here to b more emotionally distraught and hurt by her ?

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I'm sorry, what? You allowed your son to tell Mom that he didn't want to go, then withheld visitation, and Mom is the bad guy?

You say that you don't involve your son in all of this, yet you let him talk to the police officer?

You really are not getting this (as someone else already noticed).

Yes, there is quite a bit that you can do to help your son gain the proper perspective on his relationship and time with mom, things to teach him how to cope, for him to do in different situations with his mom, ways to deal with his feelings, etc. If you don't know how to teach him these things, find a counselor or someone else who can help.

But you should not, cannot, must not, absolutely do not let him think that he can choose or withhold him from mom during her time.

ok so where did anything come up about us drilling him about his visits?he comes home talking about this the only thing we ask s if he had fun and if he took a showe,,, he knws t home after dinner its showers then brush teeth.... but becaus nothing is enforced up there he does what he wnts because as SHE puts it in written statements,
imnot a good mommy but im just trying to be his friend"
she knows al about my fiance and i would submit anything she wanted, the proof i had is not going to work no because the person who bought the drugs wont go to court and b like yea that was me
i really just dont see your point sir. i dont understand im still not putting all mybusiness out there... the attorny knows guess ill stuck to te real lawyers

the officer had to speak with him tomake sure he was healthy and not being held against his will.. the officer himself had gone thru the same thing .. he told us nothin could b done

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Quoting Seansdaddy311

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We did let him know but we also let him talk to the officer and the officer let him know that nothing coul be dne until we went to court ! and that is when the attorney said we would be able to get moe done cause the ifo we ave no wil result in nothigmore than th mother getting a lecture. i dont wnat that i am tired of HER using him as a pawn and only seeing him when she isnt off getting drunk and partyig

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Make sure you bring the attorney that is telling you it is okay to ignore a court order to court with you. It is always fun to watch a judge threaten an attorney with disbarment.

Are you saying you don't drink or go to parties when YOU have the boy? Oh, that's okay though.... because you aren't mom.

Mom isn't going to get a lecture. YOU are... if you are lucky. If you are unlucky, mom will be taking the boy home with her. I don't think you realize how close to losing custody with this attitude you are.... telling the boy he doesn't have to go (and you have done this or the boy wouldn't even think it was possible not to go), having your new bed buddy pretend to be mom, interrogating him about his time with mom....

Yup... i wonder how your tune will change when you only get Wednesdays, every other weekend and every other Christmas.... I wonder how YOU will like it when the boy says he doesn't want to go to Dad's.

We will just have to see.

and i have been making him for the last 6 months, he knows that as well... but when she talks to him in that manner i cant do anhin abouti? shes the reason he came home and asked if i worked 30 hours overtime would mommy still have to pay child support