Christmas Visit With Long Distance Between Homes

Agree. No prosecutor is going to charge her with child endangerment for obeying court-ordered visitation. Mom can no better predict that something would happen than she can predict the lottery numbers - especially if dad doesn't have convictions for crimes against children.

He was taken to trial for the sexual abuse allegations and they didnt get enough evidence for a conviction. And the child abuse is basically just allegations in the eyes of the court. Out of 3 wives there was not enough evidence. My ex is very law savy, he is representing himself and evidently is doing a good job.

My ex went to his first daughters school when she was around 6 and tried to pick her up but she was scared and cps was called, he did this when they were going to court for divorce. When his son was 3 he had him for a visitation and never returned him and went out of state hiding the child. The mother had to get a court order for the police to pick him up. This is a very big concern for me because what if he wont let me pick her back up?? What if while she is there for the whole week he makes up lies and conviences daughter to back him up in the lies to a cps worker. My daughter would probly lie for him just cause she is desperate for that father attention. What actions can I do now to prevent this or what can I do now to prepare for if he trys to keep her?

Another issue, I moved out of state with his approval and he said he was going to go also, but he never did. After I graduated I decided to move back to TX, that way we wouldnt be so far away and she could at least see her dad. But when I got there I couldnt find him. I tried going to old addresses talking to old friends, I was told he moved out of state. I got the job offer in LA and decided to take it, I have family out here also. The court order says that if I move then he still has to pick her up at the begining of visits at my house but I have to pick her up at the end at his house. It also say he gets her 1st 3rd and 5th friday of each month. That is out of control visitation for people that live 800+ miles apart. That is about 450$ a month in travel expenses. I didnt go to college to pay for him to see her, I did it so she would have a better life. He owes 14,500 in child support!!!! If I had that money then this travel wouldnt be no problem. He is currently paying 60$ a month since June. That pays half of the after school care... what about food, clothes, out of pocket medical, sports, and education???? It just dont seem fair that he can be ther person he is, sit at home be his own lawyer, get food, medical, and cash from the government. I would be better off to quit my job to and live off the government, I wouldnt have a problem with a lawyer then. Sorry went a lil off track there.

If I am ordered to pay the expenses I am willing to move back cause I cant live like that, its just too much for me and daughter.

Now about the child support. That is how this whole thing was started! We had our first court date for that contempt back in June. We finally had a hearing on all of the contempt charges involved with our case. The judge ruled on my, I was found in contempt of court for not notifying him by cert mail of my new address. the judge said something about holding off on the ruling on his untill march. He is ordered to pay 450 amonth. He got fired for smoking marajuana back in 09. Now is filing for ssi claiming he is severely disabled... if he can be his own lawyer he can also work... that is what he is doing. His girlfriend/fiance supports him and his son yet he is on tanif cash assistance, food stamps, and medicaid. I talked with him yesterday to try and work something out with the transportation issue, he said its not his problem. He told me that he was buying her a bed set and curtains and all these xmas presents... but still cant pay child support. How can I prove that he lost his job not because he is disabled but because of his anger and marajuana use? He is also HIV positive, which is what he was applying for ssi last time we where in court.

I made the mistake of agreeing to the divorce decree and now Im paying for it big time and so is my daughter.

Would another interstate move at this point be a bad idea for me in court? I have just thought of moving back to tx with my sister so I can afford a better attorney. My attorney now will not file anything. I have only paid him 1500$ and he has been to court 4 times. He does a good job in court but does not give me and guidence on my case at all. My ex is also in contempt for not notifying me of his address change, not paying his portions of medical, and non payment of child support. The state took up the child support part but what about the other? I need a new lawyer or something?

But please help me with what I can do if he wont give her back. Is brainwashing her any consideration of limiting visitations?

Thank you both for your insights and sorry took so long to reply I dont have internet at home.

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Quoting worriedmommy

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thank you for your help... seriously just to have somebody talk to me about this helps... .

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If you haven't clicked on the link to the AARDVARC site Catherine maintains, please do so. It has so much wonderful information. Also, if you aren't currently working with your local domestic violence outreach program for support and counseling, I strongly recommend that as well, even if it has been years since your were in the abusive relationship. It is clear you are still affected (understandably) and it really DOES help to talk about what you feeling and what you are fearful of experiencing with people that understand your situation.

Good luck.

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Quoting worriedmommy

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He was taken to trial for the sexual abuse allegations and they didnt get enough evidence for a conviction. And the child abuse is basically just allegations in the eyes of the court. Out of 3 wives there was not enough evidence. My ex is very law savy, he is representing himself and evidently is doing a good job.

My ex went to his first daughters school when she was around 6 and tried to pick her up but she was scared and cps was called, he did this when they were going to court for divorce. When his son was 3 he had him for a visitation and never returned him and went out of state hiding the child. The mother had to get a court order for the police to pick him up. This is a very big concern for me because what if he wont let me pick her back up?? What if while she is there for the whole week he makes up lies and conviences daughter to back him up in the lies to a cps worker. My daughter would probly lie for him just cause she is desperate for that father attention. What actions can I do now to prevent this or what can I do now to prepare for if he trys to keep her?

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I honestly cannot see that there's much you can do proactively.

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Another issue, I moved out of state with his approval and he said he was going to go also, but he never did. After I graduated I decided to move back to TX, that way we wouldnt be so far away and she could at least see her dad. But when I got there I couldnt find him. I tried going to old addresses talking to old friends, I was told he moved out of state. I got the job offer in LA and decided to take it, I have family out here also. The court order says that if I move then he still has to pick her up at the begining of visits at my house but I have to pick her up at the end at his house. It also say he gets her 1st 3rd and 5th friday of each month. That is out of control visitation for people that live 800+ miles apart. That is about 450$ a month in travel expenses.

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But you created the distance - it's really not overly fair to Dad for him to have to pick up the bill for transportation.

You could have filed to modify the parenting plan when you moved - I agree that a distance of 800 miles apart is not conducive to every other weekend. It's just not feasible.

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I didnt go to college to pay for him to see her, I did it so she would have a better life. He owes 14,500 in child support!!!! If I had that money then this travel wouldnt be no problem. He is currently paying 60$ a month since June. That pays half of the after school care... what about food, clothes, out of pocket medical, sports, and education???? It just dont seem fair that he can be ther person he is, sit at home be his own lawyer, get food, medical, and cash from the government. I would be better off to quit my job to and live off the government, I wouldnt have a problem with a lawyer then. Sorry went a lil off track there.

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Yeah, you kind of did. :)

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If I am ordered to pay the expenses I am willing to move back cause I cant live like that, its just too much for me and daughter.

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Then you should be prepared for that. I'm not going to say it's a slam dunk for either of you, but there is certainly a possibility that you'll be required to pay the expenses.

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Now about the child support. That is how this whole thing was started! We had our first court date for that contempt back in June. We finally had a hearing on all of the contempt charges involved with our case. The judge ruled on my, I was found in contempt of court for not notifying him by cert mail of my new address. the judge said something about holding off on the ruling on his untill march. He is ordered to pay 450 amonth. He got fired for smoking marajuana back in 09. Now is filing for ssi claiming he is severely disabled... if he can be his own lawyer he can also work...

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Stop stop stop. It is not fair to say that if he can represent himself in court that he can hold down a full time job. Please don't bring that up in court - you'll get slammed so hard for that your head will spin.

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that is what he is doing. His girlfriend/fiance supports him and his son yet he is on tanif cash assistance, food stamps, and medicaid. I talked with him yesterday to try and work something out with the transportation issue, he said its not his problem. He told me that he was buying her a bed set and curtains and all these xmas presents... but still cant pay child support. How can I prove that he lost his job not because he is disabled but because of his anger and marajuana use? He is also HIV positive, which is what he was applying for ssi last time we where in court.

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I will bet dollars to donuts that he'll claim the MJ use is directly related to his HIV status.

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I made the mistake of agreeing to the divorce decree and now Im paying for it big time and so is my daughter.

Would another interstate move at this point be a bad idea for me in court? I have just thought of moving back to tx with my sister so I can afford a better attorney. My attorney now will not file anything. I have only paid him 1500$ and he has been to court 4 times. He does a good job in court but does not give me and guidence on my case at all. My ex is also in contempt for not notifying me of his address change, not paying his portions of medical, and non payment of child support. The state took up the child support part but what about the other? I need a new lawyer or something?

But please help me with what I can do if he wont give her back. Is brainwashing her any consideration of limiting visitations?

Thank you both for your insights and sorry took so long to reply I dont have internet at home.

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You honestly need to stop worrying about him not returning the child until/unless he doesn't return her. You're going to drive yourself nuts, Mom.

Please also read and re-read Catherine and drthyrd's posts. In fact, go through their other posts too. In fact - I'll go one step further and suggest that you stick around and read many posts relating to custody and visitation.

Dogmatique I have been reading posts on this site for months, thats why I am here is to get as much information as possible. And the parenting plan was designed for when I moved out of state or if I decided to stay. It was well know by all parties of my plan to move out of state before the decree was signed. In which the current parenting plan would be good if we all followed the court order and not just me. I wasnt charged for contempt for no cert notification for my move out of state, it was the move back to tx and then to another state I got that for, and it was only because I didnt have a good address to send the letter to because he didnt notify me at all that he moved.

And actually I think it is pretty fair to say that if he can spend at least 30 hrs a week on document research ( he admitted to the time and research) then yes it fair to say he can hold down at least A job. The type of work he did was physical but he has enough knowledge to do the office side of that job too. Im not going to running into court to say anything about that though. Like I said I am here for information and I am very thankful for what I have been finding.

And really... you didnt have to go one step further. Seems like you dont understand where I am comming from and Im ok with that, but really you dont have to be so rude. I have been reading everybodys posts and replys for months now and I post on here what Im going through in my case to get information for me and Im sure that sooner or later it will too help somebody else.

I just clicked on Catherine's site and I have found some very usefull information in there, so thank you.

Catherine, thank you so much for your words. Things in court are still hard, but Im taking it one day at a time. Dad is still picking daughter up for xmas and hopefully we will make some progress in court soon. An earlier post gave me some hope that maybe he didnt start wanting to see her for the right reason but maybe after spending some time with her he will exactly how magical she is.

One more thing, yea I try not to worry about what might happen and its hard not to, but Im working on that.