Father Wants Son to Have His Last Name

My question involves name change laws in the State of: PA

My ex-girlfriend is pregnant with what I expect to be my son... I am 99.9% sure he is mine. Since we found out we were having a baby I made it a major point that I wanted the child to have my last name. Now months down the road we are not together and she found out she is having a boy. She knows what the last name means to me and now she says she is giving the child her last name... and she already has the whole name picked out, which i was not included in any of the decision. When the baby is born I plan on getting a paternity test. If the child is mine, and she has given him her last name I plan to petition the court for a name change. She has three bothers and a cousin whom can pass on her last name, and I am the last one left in my family that is able to pass on my last name. I know the name change will only be upheld in court if it is in the best interest of the child, but what does that mean... what is considered best interest. This is horrible but I don't know if I'll feel the same about a child that is mine without my name. To me it's like a invisible connection. Also I don't want my child to feel like an outsider while around my family... I've been stressing out about this a lot lately.

My questions are what can I say that will prove my name will be in the best interest of the child, and can you give any case precedents or solid information on how you came to your conclusion... I talked to a lawyer and he said he thinks my chances are good to get the name change.

The reasons I've been thinking of putting in the petition are: Connection to father & fathers' side of family, me being the last one able to pass on the last name and my child being a boy, plus he is apparently getting two middle names which one is the fathers name and the other has connection with her brother.

HELP!! haha maybe I'm stressing way too much, but isn't the last name of a mans' child supposed to be important to him?

Your chances are pretty good, yes. At worst the child's name will be hyphenated.

Believe it or not, the courts no longer really care about the child's gender. :)

Not to offend you or anything, but how do you know? Have you been in the situation or have a law background in law? I do like your answer, but I don't want to get my hope up to have them shattered... you know?

Because that's the standard in most jurisdictions when there's a newborn involved. The child will have no ties to Mom's name, and no ties to yours. It's just the "norm" in family court to either allow the child to have the father's name, or to hyphenate it if Mom objects.

If the child was older, you'd likely have a battle on your hands and you'd have to show why it's in the child's best interest to change the last name. The older the child gets, the less likely you are to succeed. It does make sense, because a 7 year old (for example) has all of their school and medical records with his last name, and has 7 years of being known as Junior Smith. However an infant doesn't have that background.

As for me (and the vast majority of posters here), I'm not an attorney. I just know an awful lot about family law. Oh, and there's quite a bit of "been there, done that"-ness. :)

alright, hey thanks for the information. This is something that really means a lot to me since I am the last one able to pass on the name... plus I'm not guaranteed to have another son in my life either. I wish I didn't worry about things like I do, but this is the one thing I ask of her ( to give my son my last name) and I truthfully believe that she is doing this out of revenge and I don't want my child to have to grow up with a revengeful mother... I tried talking to her and telling her we need to be able to at least discuss things about the kid without fighting, but it just does not seem to work. Oh well, maybe time will fix this. And wish me luck on the name change. I will be posting my results here so everyone knows what i did and what the outcome was.

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Also I don't want my child to feel like an outsider while around my family...

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Do you have any sisters that are married and have children? Do they feel like outsiders because they don't have your family name?




Mom can have the child and name the child anything she wants. You will have to act reactively which means, the child will already have a name by the time you get into court. I see no reason you, as the father, would have any greater rights to using your name over the mothers. In fact, if the mother has physical custody, it is in the best interest of the child to have only the mothers last name.

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maybe I'm stressing way too much, but isn't the last name of a mans' child supposed to be important to him?

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Stressing? No idea but you are holding on to an antiquated idea. You have to remember that idea comes from a time when a man and a woman would marry prior to having children. Since you chose to have a child without the marriage, you do not have the same control you would have had should you have been married.

Why is it in the child's best interest to have Mom's name?

I'm genuinely curious here.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Why is it in the child's best interest to have Mom's name?

I'm genuinely curious here.

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If mom is custodial, the child will be associated with the mother for things like school, doctors and such. While the name association isn't as important as it once was, a child is going to be more comfortable when their name matches their custodial parent. There would be fewer questions posed to the child of "why is your name different than your mothers?" Again, not as big of a deal as it once was but there is a psychological value to a common name. In the words of the father:

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Also I don't want my child to feel like an outsider while around my family.

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or around anybody that is aware of the last name difference.

I'll respectfully disagree, jk.

My personal feeling is that it only becomes an issue if one of the grown-ups make it an issue. The school doesn't care, the doctors don't care. Blended families are much more common these days. Heck, in my eldest grandson's 1st grade class I think he's one of only about 5 kids who shares his mother's last name.

:)

the child cares



It has nothing to do with the school or the doctor or whomever caring. It has to do with the child seeing the tie the last name gives the child to the custodial parent.

and like I said, it is not as important as it once was but there is a natural separation caused by a difference in names between the custodial parent and the child. The commonality of the different names within a family helps remove the stigma outsiders would place on the child but that still does not alter the separation the child sees in the difference in names.