Unwed Mother's Act

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Tennessee

I am aware of the Unwed Mother's Act but have additional questions. Our custody of our daughter is mainly civil and one that was reached outside of the courts. HOWEVER, there are moments when I feel that a court needs to intervene. We have never been married so that is where the Act is important. Do I understand it that I have full legal custody? If it were to go to court, what is the probability that I would remain the full legal guardian? I am not trying to take our daughter away from her father what-so-ever but to establish the understanding that I am her main advocate as I have been the main caretaker since birth. Again, I am only wanting to establish the legal rights of each parent...not visitation rights as we do mainly agree on those.

Yes, you currently have sole legal custody.

If you go to court, and if Dad has been part of the child's life, he'll stand a great chance of getting joint legal custody (decision making).

If anything, court orders protect all of you - but most importantly, they protect the child.

That is what stresses me out...that at any moment he is going to take me to court and gain more rights. I am not trying to sound caddy or resentful but I have been her full-time parent and he her part-time parent for two years. He is a loving father and has provided well no question but duties have not been his strong point until recently and that still doesn't involve things like finding a healthcare physician, daycare/babysitter, gaining health insurance for her, following and encouraging her milestone developments, maintaining her routine (although I will say he is improving here), understanding or wishing to understand why we are raising her the way we are...he just follows my lead. He and I definitely have issues that involve only us, not our child but I feel like it is a path that we are about to go down and it will cut so deep to know that he can just whoosh in and gain rights that I feel he doesn't deserve at the present. I have always been the one to take care of her daily needs, her intermediate needs, her health needs, and her developmental needs. I am the one who got up with her every single time she needed care in the middle of the night, who dealt with her colic, her teething, her fevers, her colds, and most of her tantrums. I am not denying him his rights to see her. We split the week and I am glad to do so...a child needs their father. I am keeping him involved in her life as much as possible with us living separately but wish to maintain the same legal rights that I have now. If we were together it would not be an issue because, as I have mentioned, he has followed my lead. BUT, I feel that the tide is turning a bit and feelings are changing. I am all for Father's rights but at the end of the day I know that I have done and will continue to be more objective, more involved, more aware of her health and development needs. Unfortunately it is a situation that if he doesn't understand or wish to we argue and I just want that aspect of our lifelong relationship settled. Is it really so easy for him to gain these rights? He has been in her life but not involved as I have described. He will end up feeding her sugar and doritos for goodness sakes!!

He's allowed to feed her sugar and doritos. You cannot control what he does during his parenting time.

And yes, it really might be that easy for him.

That does not comfort me in the least. I work so hard to do right for our daughter and give her all that she deserves. I do not feel comfortable at all knowing that at any moment this could all be flipped on it's head. Is there legal advice that can educate me on what can be done to help me maintain my full legal rights?

And yes, I can say that he is not allowed to feed her crap like that as I do have full legal custody.

No Mom, you really can't.

Even if you have sole legal custody, Dad is STILL allowed to parent her according to how HE sees fit. I'm sorry, but that's the LEGAL reality. If that means he's feeding her doritos and ramen noodles, then he's allowed to do that. Your child has TWO parents. And you're BOTH entitled to parent her as you both see fit.

It goes both ways - he cannot control what you do during your parenting time, either.

It is called coparenting. It means you both try to work together in her best interests. That means you don't decide everything, nor does he. It allows her to be exposed to a balanced life with mom and dad.

I am sorry but I am going to have to disagree with you here.

"Unless a court order says otherwise, the mother has the responsibility to make decisions about the child’s medical care, religious upbringing, education, and extracurricular activities – and the mother also decides whether and how the father may visit the child."

Albeit loosely her diet falls under health. I have full custodial and legal guardianship of our child...basically the permission giver. This is not a power struggle but rather an attempt to maintain the ability to raise our child as she has been raised thus far without conflict. Her well-being is of the up most importance.

Are you a Family Law lawyer? I have asked for legal advice and if you cannot point me in a direction would you mind providing someone who will?

Thank you

I am a lawyer. I have experience with judges telling parents that, absent a valid issue such as a medical condition, such matters as what a parent feeds a child, who they use for a babysitter, and similar matters of everyday discretion are up to the parent who is caring for the child at any given time. I'm recalling one parent who was aggrieved about Cocoa Puffs; the judge explained that he is not there to micromanage normal day-to-day parenting decisions.

Thanks Aaron :)

I am NOT a lawyer, OP, but I've been in family court enough to know what does and doesn't matter. You will not be able to control Dad's parenting, I'm afraid.

Quote:

---

That does not comfort me in the least. I work so hard to do right for our daughter and give her all that she deserves. I do not feel comfortable at all knowing that at any moment this could all be flipped on it's head. Is there legal advice that can educate me on what can be done to help me maintain my full legal rights?

---

We aren't here to comfort you. We are here to provide legal information, which has been done in spades.

The simple fact of the matter is that if Dad wants to go to court to establish joint legal custody, he can, and he will likely get what he wants. See, it's not about your "full legal rights" - whatever you think those might be - or his. It's about your CHILD'S right to have TWO parents looking after her. It took both of you to make her, and by the court's lights, it takes both of you to raise her, even if you feel you should somehow have more "rights" because you've shouldered the primary parental burden.

It just doesn't work the way you want it to. Parenting is, by its nature, quite inequitable. I know this from 19 years of experience. But if you intend to do right by your child, you'll need to get over it and roll with it.

And that means that even when Dad's parenting style is the complete opposite of yours, Mom, there's nothing you can do about it.

He WILL be allowed to feed her fast food and Doritos. He can feed her a McDonald's twice a day if he wants. As Aaron said, unless there is a medical issue, your child's diet at Dad's house will be his business - not yours.

I realize that stings. I do understand that. But again, it's the legal reality.