What Would Be in the Best Interest of the Child in This Situation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Ohio

I have done research and found out that in the county where the shared parenting agreement was created between my boyfriend and his ex that we must file a "notice of relocation" after which they will notify the other parent and the court, or either parent can then file for a hearing to see if changes to the parenting plan are necessary. I have also determined that at this point in time we are considered the school placement parent.

We are planning to move at most an hr drive away, the farthest place is 45 miles away from the city we lived in at the time of the divorce. That's the most extreme case, but it is likely that it will still be at least an hour drive round trip. Reasoning is because we want to have a lot of land and cannot find as much as we want inside city limits. We also require that it is in a good school district.

Given the circumstances that are developing, we think it is likely that a new agreement will have to be reached, since currently the arrangement is that during the school year she drops my stepdaughter (5) off at school. We pick her up and keep her until 8 and then she sleeps at her moms, and during the non school year we have her from 8 p.m. until 5 p.m. the next day. Her mom picks her up after work and then drops her back off at 8 for me to get ready for bed. They take turns keeping her on the weekends. Based on past precedent, her mom will not agree to any arrangement that does not involve her seeing her everyday, even if it is in my step daughter's best interest, so there is a chance that a court will have to step in if we can't reach an agreement, as the mother will probably refuse to keep her side of this arrangement.

I know the court always looks for what is in the best interest of the child, but our situation is a little less clear. If one parent does NOT seem to be in a position of being able to support her daughter financially and is a less fit (though not un-fit) parent, while the other parent is more fit, but has a work schedule that would mean he is home while she is at school and at work when she is home (meaning I would be the one taking care of her during the week-we aren't married but live together, and I've been in her life since she was 3, so 2 years), what would be in the best interest of the child?

If we divided it so that we had her during the week and her mom on every weekend, then she would go to a good school, but never see her father, and would spend the week primarily with me.

If we divided it so that her mom had her during the week and us on the weekends, then she would be with her bio-mom during the week, but go to a really really bad school and her mom is less fit at parenting (puts her daughter in the middle, tells lies to her about us, lets her watch adult swim (she's 5) is unemployed by choice, has no car to get her from school and smokes week).

Or would the court divide it a different way in the best interest of the child?

I'd strongly suggest that you look for a house that keeps you close enough to mom so that the current parenting time schedule can be maintained. It is wonderful for the child that her mom and dad worked out an arrangement where they can both see her every day.

If your DH forces the case to court in an attempt to move the child and change the parenting plan, be prepared for mom to argue that she should have primary custody. The court isn't going to compare YOU to mom, only mom v dad, so if dad is not available during the week to care for the child and it is better for the child to be cared for by her mother than a legal stranger/stepmother. Dad could very likely end up with every other weekend.

The other option would be for dad/you to provide all transportation for visitation so that the current plan can be maintained.

Regardless of whether or not we move far, my stepdaughter will not be able to see her father during the week. I will be the one picking her up from school starting next year and taking care of her until 8. Her father's schedule will not allow him to see her during the week. Starting next year, when she has a full day of school and her dad can't drop her off early at her mom's anymore, it is probably that she will have to stay with us during the week regardless, as her mom doesn't have a car and so will not be able to pick her up. She will be used to me taking care of her all week long by the time we plan to move-end of next school year.

Then frankly, Mom has an excellent chance of changing custody to where she's the primary parent.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

Then frankly, Mom has an excellent chance of changing custody to where she's the primary parent.

---

why? I'm sorry if this sounds like a dumb question, I'm just learning. I thought that it is usually in the best interest of the child to keep things as familiar as possible, and since the custody agreement says it is her responsibility to pick the child up at 8...why would this be against us?

Because the child won't be seeing Dad. The child will be with you - and you're not a party to the matter.

Mom honestly does have an excellent chance of getting full custody if Dad is unavailable.

So, even though she will have an established routine that she is comfortable with at the time with us?

So it really makes no difference whether we stay close or move out where we want to, right?

Hon, please don't take this the wrong way - okay?

You don't matter. Dad's schedule is a huge problem, and if it comes down to a question of the child staying with you versus Mom, she's going to win hands down. Neither parent is unfit, and the court can't override Mom's constitutional right to parent her child if the other parent isn't available.

This is a change of circumstance, and again, it's very likely enough for Mom to get custody. The court will look at it this way:

Is it best for the child to be with the parent, or a legal stranger? The parent will win in 99.9% of cases, and when the parent doesn't win it's generally because there's a question of fitness or - very occasionally - military families.

lol, don't worry, you can't hurt my feelings. I appreciate the honesty and I DEFINITELY thank you for taking the time to keep replying to my questions. Nothing but respect for you on my end.

So, as I've still been continuing my research in between checking on here for your replies, I've learned that Ohio cannot take into account a person's financial situation. Which rules out the grounds that I was hoping could be used such as her mom living in the worst school district possible (academically and safety wise-people get stabbed in that school) and that we can provide the better quality of life, and of course there is the fact that my boyfriend works nights.

I also came across that some stuff that may point to us possibly being able to prove her unfit on the grounds of a parent abusing drugs, neglect of child's education, and the child "being placed in the other parent's home by the custodial parent and has become integrated into that home." (I'm not trying to keep pestering you with questions, but you seem knowlegable and so I'm just trying to see if we have any chance of keeping her, from a legal stand point, yes the bio mom always gets priority, yes I get that, but her life style will be completely different depending on which outcome happens, which is our main concern.

If we subjected the mom to a hair follicle test to prove she smoked marijuana regularly, would that be enough to deem her unfit?

Does refusing to do homework with her when she is holding a job, not helping her with reading, and keeping her home from school as a means of getting back at us when she is mad constitute educational neglect?

If, due to her being unable to pick her up because of a lack of a car, she consents to let my step daughter stay with us during the week, so as to make that her routine constitute placing the child "in the other parent's home...and has become integrated into that home"?

If any of those apply is it likely to help us enough?

Those are the last of my questions btw, and I'm sure at this point your probably think I'm desperate and reaching (which I totally understand), but I appreciate your continued honesty and no "pity" answers if this has gotten pathetic (which I hope it hasn't). I don't want to get my hopes up that we stand a chance if we really have a <25% chance of winning. If that makes sense.

Quote:

---

Quoting stepmomwquestion

---

lol, don't worry, you can't hurt my feelings. I appreciate the honesty and I DEFINITELY thank you for taking the time to keep replying to my questions. Nothing but respect for you on my end.

---

I'm humbled - thank you, and thank you for not taking offense. I'm also a stepparent, and I do understand the issues.

Quote:

---

So, as I've still been continuing my research in between checking on here for your replies, I've learned that Ohio cannot take into account a person's financial situation. Which rules out the grounds that I was hoping could be used such as her mom living in the worst school district possible (academically and safety wise-people get stabbed in that school) and that we can provide the better quality of life, and of course there is the fact that my boyfriend works nights.

---

That's correct - finances aren't an issue, and neither (really) is "quality of life". Your boyfriend's schedule is not a plus for him..is there any way he can change shifts?

Quote:

---

I also came across that some stuff that may point to us possibly being able to prove her unfit on the grounds of a parent abusing drugs, neglect of child's education, and the child "being placed in the other parent's home by the custodial parent and has become integrated into that home." (I'm not trying to keep pestering you with questions, but you seem knowlegable and so I'm just trying to see if we have any chance of keeping her, from a legal stand point, yes the bio mom always gets priority, yes I get that, but her life style will be completely different depending on which outcome happens, which is our main concern.

---

Let's see what we have then.

Quote:

---

If we subjected the mom to a hair follicle test to prove she smoked marijuana regularly, would that be enough to deem her unfit?

---

Not, it wouldn't. First, Dad would have to show proof of use before the court would even order a test. And second, even if she tested positive Dad would have to prove that this places the child in danger.

Pot honestly isn't a big deal in family court these days unless there is solid evidence that, for example, the parent is so stoned that their toddler ran out into the street and got hit by a car. Or, the parent is giving the child special brownies and beer.

Quote:

---

Does refusing to do homework with her when she is holding a job, not helping her with reading, and keeping her home from school as a means of getting back at us when she is mad constitute educational neglect?

---

Not unless the grades are failing substantially - but, given the current time-share, Dad's going to get some blame if that is the case.

Quote:

---

If, due to her being unable to pick her up because of a lack of a car, she consents to let my step daughter stay with us during the week, so as to make that her routine constitute placing the child "in the other parent's home...and has become integrated into that home"?

---

Not really, no.

Quote:

---

If any of those apply is it likely to help us enough?

---

The standard of "fit" parent is actually quite depressingly low. In order to prove the parent unfit, you'll generally need to show blatant and repeated abuse and/or neglect. Several DUIs with the child present, for example. Domestic violence while the child is present can be brought up, too.

What I usually suggest though is not to dig up dirt on the other parent unless it HONESTLY appears that the child is in danger. Pot use and different parenting styles aren't going to matter, and Dad must remember that if he slings mud, his own hands will be dirty too.

Quote:

---

Those are the last of my questions btw, and I'm sure at this point your probably think I'm desperate and reaching (which I totally understand), but I appreciate your continued honesty and no "pity" answers if this has gotten pathetic (which I hope it hasn't). I don't want to get my hopes up that we stand a chance if we really have a <25% chance of winning. If that makes sense.

---

If Mom agrees to you guys having kiddo during the week, you can file a stipulation with the court and the judge will sign off on it.

If she doesn't agree though it really does look like she'll become the primary parent.

Many of us understand the frustration associated with custody battles - but to be realistic is very important.

Thank you very much for the time and effort you have put into helping us. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. The information you've provided has been invaluable.

Best of luck to you in your own parenting battles, as it looks like you have them also.