Can a Parent Force a Minor to Return Home

My question involves juvenile law in the State of: New York.


I'm sorry if this is going to seem really long and tedious, i just want to make sure people understand where I'm coming from and why i'm asking for help in the first place.

In December of 2010, I moved out of my mother's house. I went to stay with a friend for my birthday weekend, and she never came and picked me up. Since then me moving out hasn't been too much of an issue. But as of lately my mother feels thats it's nessicary for me to come home. My mother isn't a great mother, not really even a good one. I've been living with a girlfriend of mine since December of 2010 and it's now November of 2011. I just want to know what my rights are as of right now, to take my mother to court and become an adult (but i know emancipation isn't available in New York), or how i can get my mother to sign off her rights to i can live freely.

My living situations:

-I live with a friend
-I attend school, which i did on my own (because my mother wouldnt sign over temporary guardianship so i could go to school, basically denying my rights to an education)
-My apartment is clean, and we've always got food
-I've got my own bedroom, so its not temporary I'm here to stay

Someone please help me out a little. Oh and I'm 16. Thank you to anyone who can help me.

You have the right to go back where your mother tells you. Until you are 18, and not one minute before, you live where your mother says you live. The fact that she did not require you to go home immediately does not negate her right to do so now.

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I just want to know what my rights are as of right now,

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You have whatever rights your mother chooses to give you.

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to take my mother to court and become an adult (but i know emancipation isn't available in New York),

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Correct. Not happening.

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or how i can get my mother to sign off her rights to i can live freely.

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There is no law requiring her to allow you to move out. If she wants you home, you go home. Period. If you don't, she can have the cops drag you home by the ear. If you refuse to go home, your mother can have the friend you live with brought up on charges of harboring a runaway.

but i am not a runaway

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Quoting cbg

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You have the right to go back where your mother tells you. Until you are 18, and not one minute before, you live where your mother says you live. The fact that she did not require you to go home immediately does not negate her right to do so now.

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Well thanks for the "advice" but I've talked to a Lawyer in NYS and i can live on my own at 17.

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Quoting NakiyaLotman

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but i am not a runaway


Well thanks for the "advice" but I've talked to a Lawyer in NYS and i can live on my own at 17.

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Why are you here wasting our time, since you feel you know everything? Did you know your 18+ yr old bed/apartment buddy can have criminal charges pressed for ummmmm cohabitation with you?

If your custodial parent wants you home and you refuse, you ARE a runway (or you've been kidnapped).

You can live on your own at 17, but it takes your parental permission.

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Well thanks for the "advice" but I've talked to a Lawyer in NYS and i can live on my own at 17.

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BS.

Honey, look, I have teenagers of my own, and I used to teach high school. I know how you creatures operate, and if you think anyone here believes that a lawyer told you that you're a Super Special Snowflake to whom the law does not apply because you're Just That Special...well, you have some more thinking to do.

Don't be a selfish brat. If your mother says "Come home", do that so the people you're living with don't go to jail.

You have to love the lawyers who will talk to a child on a Saturday and tell them that, if only they were a year older, they could run away from home. But....

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Quoting New York Family Code § 718. Return of run away.

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(a) A peace officer, acting pursuant to such peace officer's special duties, or a police officer may return to a parent or other person legally responsible for such child's care any child under the age of eighteen who has run away from home without just cause or who, in the reasonable conclusion of the officer, appears to have run away from home without just cause. For purposes of this action, a police officer or peace officer may reasonably conclude that a child has run away from home when the child refuses to give his or her name or the name and address of a parent or other person legally responsible for such child's care or when the officer has reason to doubt that the name or address given are the actual name and address of the parent or other person legally responsible for the child's care.

(b) A peace officer, acting pursuant to the peace officer's special duties, or a police officer is authorized to take a youth who has run away from home or who, in the reasonable opinion of the officer, appears to have run away from home, to a facility certified or approved for such purpose by the office of children and family services, if the peace officer or police officer is unable, or if it is unsafe, to return the youth to his or her home or to the custody of his or her parent or other person legally responsible for his or her care. Any such facility receiving a youth shall inform a parent or other person responsible for such youth's care.

(c) If a child placed pursuant to this article in the custody of a commissioner of social services or an authorized agency shall run away from the custody of such commissioner or authorized agency, any peace officer, acting pursuant to his special duties, or police officer may apprehend, restrain, and return such child to such location as such commissioner shall direct or to such authorized agency and it shall be the duty of any such officer to assist any representative of the commissioner or agency to take into custody any such child upon the request of such representative.

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Honey? Don't call me honey. Number 1. Number two, you have absolutely no idea what a living hell I went through at my mother's. None whatsoever. So before you want to judge me and say im a selfish brat why don't you let me explain why I left. Evidentally you're not a lawyer, so nothing you say is going to do a bit of good anyways. But here I'll tell you what my situations were there..

At 11 years old I was raped, by a 19 year old whom at the time was my step brother. I came out and told my mother at 14, mind you between 11 & 14 I tried my hardest so please her so she'd stay off my back about why I was closing myself off. Then after I told, my mother didn't believe a word I said. Do you know how that feels? I doubt it. So while I fought back tears, I sat in a 4'x4' room for 4 and a half hours giving the police my statement. Which by the way they have absolutely no record of now. So there I was 14 and alone, nobody believed me. And he walked away a free man! You want to know why? Because my mother was such a selfish rag, she never told me I had to appear infront of a Grand Jury. I had a chance to take him to trial and get the justice I deserved. But no, she didn't want to be humiliated. HER?! I began self destructing, doing anything to make the pain go away even just for 5 minutes. I sought help in May of 2009. When I went to meet my first Rape Crisis counselor, I wasn't quite ready to talk about the abuse yet. My mother walked out of the office and said to be "That was a waste of my time, did he even do it?". Another shot to the heart. After this was all said and done we moved, we stayed in an apartment for 1 month then moved again, and 3 times again after that. I've never had 1 stable thing in my life. I decided enough was enough, and eventually removed myself from the situation. So here I am, going to be 17 in 2 weeks. And I am a STRONG beautiful young woman, who doesn't need a piece of dirt for a mother. So thank you for your opinion but I will be taking my own mother to court, and I WILL have her sign off her rights. Oh by the way here's another thing you don't know. She's a drug addict & an alcoholic and continues to put my brother and sister in harms way by her foolishness. I hope this has helped you understand. Thanks.

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Quoting NakiyaLotman

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Honey? Don't call me honey. Number 1. Number two, you have absolutely no idea what a living hell I went through at my mother's. None whatsoever. So before you want to judge me and say im a selfish brat why don't you let me explain why I left. Evidentally you're not a lawyer, so nothing you say is going to do a bit of good anyways. But here I'll tell you what my situations were there..

At 11 years old I was raped, by a 19 year old whom at the time was my step brother. I came out and told my mother at 14, mind you between 11 & 14 I tried my hardest so please her so she'd stay off my back about why I was closing myself off. Then after I told, my mother didn't believe a word I said. Do you know how that feels? I doubt it. So while I fought back tears, I sat in a 4'x4' room for 4 and a half hours giving the police my statement. Which by the way they have absolutely no record of now. So there I was 14 and alone, nobody believed me. And he walked away a free man! You want to know why? Because my mother was such a selfish rag, she never told me I had to appear infront of a Grand Jury. I had a chance to take him to trial and get the justice I deserved. But no, she didn't want to be humiliated. HER?! I began self destructing, doing anything to make the pain go away even just for 5 minutes. I sought help in May of 2009. When I went to meet my first Rape Crisis counselor, I wasn't quite ready to talk about the abuse yet. My mother walked out of the office and said to be "That was a waste of my time, did he even do it?". Another shot to the heart. After this was all said and done we moved, we stayed in an apartment for 1 month then moved again, and 3 times again after that. I've never had 1 stable thing in my life. I decided enough was enough, and eventually removed myself from the situation. So here I am, going to be 17 in 2 weeks. And I am a STRONG beautiful young woman, who doesn't need a piece of dirt for a mother. So thank you for your opinion but I will be taking my own mother to court, and I WILL have her sign off her rights. Oh by the way here's another thing you don't know. She's a drug addict & an alcoholic and continues to put my brother and sister in harms way by her foolishness. I hope this has helped you understand. Thanks.

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None of which changes the legal reality.

You can never, ever FORCE your mother to "sign off her rights". EVER. You don't understand the terms, and you don't understand the process.

Period.

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So thank you for your opinion but I will be taking my own mother to court, and I WILL have her sign off her rights.

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Stomp your feet all you want, honey, but no, you won't be getting what you want.

The law - you know, the one Mr. K cited right above your adorable little tantrum - really does apply to you, whether you like it or not. You might also consider looking around the other threads here - I understand far more about your situation than you want to think. Your situation is sadly not unique or uncommon.

The law still applies to you, regardless. Hitch up your big girl panties and understand this, before you make life hell for people who have only been trying to help you.

I'll be posting my court date. Thanks for everyone's "help"

LOL I'm sure you will.

To other children who may read this thread:

We will expect Nakiya to return soon, and tell us all that she went before a Judge this coming Thursday and he immediately stripped Mom of her rights and now Nakiya is emancipated.

Because we're just so darned wrong all the time.

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Because we're just so darned wrong all the time.

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And we just don't understaaaaaaand. And she's very special, and will have accomplished her objective in a day or two.

All you kids playing along at home: Even if you can convince the state to remove you from your home, you'll either go into foster care, or a family member might get temporary custody. Once I was removed from my home, it took a YEAR for my grandparents' petition for permanent custody to get in front of the judge, and that was with all of the hospital records, police reports, and full backing of CPS.

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Quoting LawResearcherMissy

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And we just don't understaaaaaaand. And she's very special, and will have accomplished her objective in a day or two.

All you kids playing along at home: Even if you can convince the state to remove you from your home, you'll either go into foster care, or a family member might get temporary custody. Once I was removed from my home, it took a YEAR for my grandparents' petition for permanent custody to get in front of the judge, and that was with all of the hospital records, police reports, and full backing of CPS.

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Court will be this Thursday.

;)

They can't put me in foster care, I don't know if you know New York's laws or not but at 17, you don't have to legally stay in foster care. My girlfriend has been there done that. And I don't have immediate family anywhere even relativly close. So looks like I'll win :D Like I knew I would.

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Quoting NakiyaLotman

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They can't put me in foster care, I don't know if you know New York's laws or not but at 17, you don't have to legally stay in foster care. My girlfriend has been there done that. And I don't have immediate family anywhere even relativly close. So looks like I'll win :D Like I knew I would.

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Looks like you're still as clueless as when you started, pumpkin.

Let us know how court goes. We'll - truly - hold your hand when your case is tossed before it's even heard.

Darn it. I swore I wasn't going to do this.

But, seeing as it's almost Turkey Day, I'll explain exactly why you can't force your Mom to do anything.

Because you don't have standing. Do you understand what "standing" means in the legal system? Standing is what basically "allows" you to sue. If you don't have standing - and you don't - you cannot sue. It's really that simple.

You cannot force her to sign over her rights, because you don't have standing to do so. Only the State can terminate her rights. And the State will not act on your behalf in this situation.

Clear now?

I am not going to get into a battle of estrogen and PTSD, however, I wanted to share something that might be of use to you. You have a second bite of the apple at 18 to press rape charges. I think you should consider that and attempt to gather relevant information that will prepare you for the attempt, should you choose to do so.

And in case you are still clueless....

You have two options:
(1) Go home. Or the people you are staying with are going to be going to jail and spend tens of thousands of dollars on legal bills.
(2) Contact Child Protective Services. Tell them your story. See if they will remove you and your siblings from Mom's care. You may go to a relative. You may end up in the home of some random strangers, who will have strict rules for you to follow.

By the way, where is your birth father in all this?

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They can't put me in foster care, I don't know if you know New York's laws or not but at 17, you don't have to legally stay in foster care.

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Yes, honey, you do. Until you're 18. You may stay in care until the age of 21, but you cannot legally leave it til the age of 21. Your friend is a liar. Or you are. I'm more inclined to go with the latter.

It's actually a major problem in the state of New York to age out of foster care, because up to about a third of kids who age out of foster care end up homeless and in need of services such as Covenant House, because of funding cuts and the lack of available jobs to help learn independent living skills prior to aging out.

Keep stomping those feet. I'm sure you'll convince someone. Just not us.

I expect she means that she can run away from foster care, not that she would have a legal right to leave. But who knows. Perhaps she talked to another lawyer on Sunday and was told any number of things that prove we're wrong.

my birth father is off running around with his new wife. Im already working with CPS who knows my situation & if the law was that i was to return home, why hasn't CPS put me there already?

I know from experience that challenging parental rights law is very difficult. You may have to prepare yourself for the possibility of going home. If you are in danger of any physical violence, you may be able to request a civil protection order, however, especially if there is a past history.

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Quoting NakiyaLotman

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my birth father is off running around with his new wife. Im already working with CPS who knows my situation & if the law was that i was to return home, why hasn't CPS put me there already?

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They enjoy some leeway as to the methods they use. Generally, the court does not want to bruise one of its own arms. This is the best course of action you can take at this point. Hopefully, they will attempt to drag this out until you are closer to 18. While you are working with them, ask them about seeking prosecution on the other issue when you hit 18. If you want something to bolster your position with CPS, try to politely leverage the knowledge that most children aging out of foster care in the NYC system are basically helpless. Them forcing you to leave your friends, could facilitate this happening in your case, if for an unknown reason you are not able to return there once you leave.

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Quoting Legal Beagle

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I know from experience that challenging parental rights law is very difficult. You may have to prepare yourself for the possibility of going home. If you are in danger of any physical violence, you may be able to request a civil protection order, however, especially if there is a past history.

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thank you for being the only decent person on this site.

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Quoting NakiyaLotman

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I'm sorry I was so rude to everyone earlier. I know that the court isn't going to grant me what I wish - thank you for giving me the truth, even though I didn't like to read it.

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Fixed that for you.

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Quoting NakiyaLotman

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thank you for being the only decent person on this site.

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What am I? Chopped liver?

I'm not the one being rude. Look in the mirror.

You're not impressing anyone, kid. You've been shown the actual law by an actual lawyer, and by people well familiar with the system, and have decided that you're going to try to impress us by lying about contacting an attorney and "working with" CPS and of COURSE they're telling you what you want to hear. Yeah, not so much.

See, if you were being abused - really, truly, actually abused - you would have gone to CPS years ago. And they would have investigated, and you would already be in foster care - yes, foster care, not on your own - if they found that you were actually being abused. There's a whole process involved, I've been through it, and your mother being a "selfish rag" does not constitute abuse.

We've been paying attention. You started your whole thread with "I don't wanna go home and she can't make me!" Except, she can. All she has to do is call the police, and there's nothing you can do to change that reality.

I'd also like to point out that even if CPS IS working with this rude little brat, there is more than one way of being removed from a home and emancipation is usually the LAST option looked at, not the first.

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Quoting LawResearcherMissy

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See, if you were being abused - really, truly, actually abused - you would have gone to CPS years ago. And they would have investigated, and you would already be in foster care - yes, foster care, not on your own - if they found that you were actually being abused. There's a whole process involved, I've been through it, and your mother being a "selfish rag" does not constitute abuse.

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Well Missy, I guess you haven't been paying too much attention. Do you want the phone numbers to my case worker and the attorney I talked to? Because I can by all means give them to you, and my rape was real- People don't come out for YEARS, decades even. But because I waited 3 years it's not real? You've got to be kidding me right? Whatever- You're a "Grown" woman hiding behind a computer playing lawyer and arguing with a 17 year old. So how "Grown" are you, and I use the term grown loosely, because evidentally you aren't.

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Quoting cbg

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I'd also like to point out that even if CPS IS working with this rude little brat, there is more than one way of being removed from a home and emancipation is usually the LAST option looked at, not the first.

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Hmmph. Let's wait and see. Shall we.

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Quoting NakiyaLotman

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Well Missy, I guess you haven't been paying too much attention. Do you want the phone numbers to my case worker and the attorney I talked to? Because I can by all means give them to you,

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Cool.

PM them to Missy and she will follow up.

Until then, start packing. You have a home to return to.

See, If you were already talking to CPS and a lawyer and were already getting the answers you say you got, why would you come here and ask the same questions all over again? It's easy... you wouldn't.

So, you are lying your runaway butt off...but I am willing to be proven wrong. Let Missy know the details and I will be the first to apologize.

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and my rape was real

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Nobody said your rape wasn't real.

But here's the thing - being raped is not the same as being abused by your mother. Being raped does not get you removed from your home. This I promise you. CPS is not going to remove you from your home because you were raped unless your rapist is living in your home. Not used to live there, but is living there right now, this instant, and their investigation would need to show that your home is a real danger to you.

No, the only way you get removed from your home is for documented, ongoing abuse. Been there, done that, still have the scars from the brain surgery, coping strategies learned from counseling, and gratitude towards my own rape crisis counselor for speaking truth. Yeah, seriously, I do understand better than you think - my parents tried to KILL me. THAT is the sort of thing you get removed from your home for, not just you crying that your mother is a bitch.

I notice you haven't taken Cyjeff's advice and sent me your information. Because Jeff, as usual, has astutely observed the real issue - you're not being told what you want to hear by professionals, either. And it's the "But the professionals said you're wrong!" that we're calling BS on. Because they can't change the law for you, so the only other option is that you're lying about even contacting them.

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You're a "Grown" woman hiding behind a computer playing lawyer and arguing with a 17 year old. So how "Grown" are you, and I use the term grown loosely, because evidentally you aren't.

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Oh, babydoll, aren't you the cutest? You come to volunteers for advice and claim to be ready to take on all the responsibilities of adulthood, have a tantrum because we're not telling you what you want to hear, and now you want to cry "You're being mean to a kid!". Honey, no. Which is it that you want? You wanna run with the Big Dogs, or do you just wanna sit on the porch and bark? Because this nonsense? Is only so much barking.

Really, if the professionals you claim to have contacted are telling you everything you want to hear and promising you your heart's desire, why are you still here? If the law you've been shown is going to be broken just for you, why haven't you skipped off on your merry way, secure in the knowledge that you and you alone have been singled out for this special treatment?

In response to Missy..

..because court isn't until tomorrow. ;)

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Quoting cyjeff

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PM them to Missy and she will follow up.

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For the benefit of other teenagers looking for "early release", I'm going to note that our little friend has NOT provided the information she offered. She can't claim that she hasn't been online - she's been barking her head off in another thread.

Kids, seriously, don't try this at home. If you're being abused, REPORT IT. It's the only way you're going to get out. Tell your teacher, tell your counselor, tell your doctor, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD, call 911. And understand that you will go into care or be placed with a relative, because kids who have been abused need support and therapy.