Child Support and Custody if Ex Lied About Birth Control, Moved Out of State

My question involves child support in the State of: Texas
Child concieved in NY (my home state) - Due to be born in TX in 8 weeks.

My ex girlfriend and I had a verbal agreement that under no circumstances would we have children together. She assured me that she would take birth control, and have an abortion if she ever got pregnant. She missed a bunch of birth control pills and got pregnant two months before graduating college and moving back to Texas. I have a handwritten note from her admitting that she didn't take all of her birth control and misled me into believing she'd have an abortion.

She has two other children in TX under the full custody of her parents. She is still legally married to their father, who those two kids also have no relationship with.

It have good reason to believe that she did set a trap and do this intentionally. I have offered to work things out and move to TX to be with her and raise this child together - she rejects it. I have offered to come to visit, her and her family will not allow me to stay. She now says things to me like "kids dont need dads to grow up" and "kids who dont have dads turn out just as well as kids who do." She says "If I dont get married by the time I'm 35, I'm going to a sperm bank so I can have another baby without compromising with a man." - To give you an idea of what type of unstable person I'm dealing with.

My questions are:
1) Should I be present at the birth - Can I be present without putting my name on the birth certificate or signing an acknowledgement of paternity? I'm very suspicious of why she wants me present at the birth.
2) Should I stay out of TX? My top choice of graduate schools is in Texas. I am afraid to go there now because of this happening.
3) What should I expect as far as child support and custody arrangements go? I am not currently working and will graduate with my BA in 6 months. I plan on spending the next two years getting my MS.Ed.

What I want:
1) No child support order - due to the fact that I was tricked into this situation and she moved 2,000 miles away a month after getting pregnant. She claims that she will not pursue child support, but my understanding is that in TX the second my name ends on on a birth certificate, or she collects welfare, that I'm liable for support.
2) Summers with my daughter, in NY. She claims that she'll let me do this whether or not I'm paying child support. I don't believe her.
3) Maybe in a few years when I'm ready and capable - full custody.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

1. If you wanted assurance of no possibility of children, skip sex. Statements about her being on birth control have no bearing and promises to have abortions are not enforceable.
If court determines you are the father, you can expect support to be set in the vicinity of 20% of your after tax income.

2. Afraid of what happening? She'll give birth and file custody/child support whether you visit Texas or not.

3. It's up to you if you want to be present at the birth of your child or not. If matters not if you are present or not as to the birth certificate. You must consent to having your name placed there at the time of birth. Of course, that won't stop her from bringing a paternity action to have you declared the father subsequently.

You seem to be very misguided. If you are not determined to be the parent, then you have no visitation rights or rights to any sort of custody.
If you are determined by the parent (not going to be difficult if she forces the matter in court), you WILL pay child support if you are not the custodial parent.
Visitation is not linked to child support. You are legally obliged to pay your support obligation if you are assigned such by the court.
You are legally entitled to whatever custody or visitation the court grants.
Neither party can deny visitation because of failure to pay child support or vice versa.

NO form of birth control (except abstanance) is 100% effective, so anytime you have sex with anyone of the opposite gender, pregnancy is a possibility. She could have used every form of birth control known to man and STILL ended up pregnant. There is only ONE person legally responsible for making sure that your sperm doesn't end up as children, and that person is you.

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She promised that she would take birth control, and assured me that if she ever got pregnant, she would have an abortion.

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She can promise anything. That doesn't mean you can ENFORCE it.

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I have a handwritten note from her admitting that she didn't take all her birth control and promised me she'd have an abortion.

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Still not actionable.

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To give you an idea of what type of unstable person I'm dealing with.

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This is the kind of stuff you come up against when you sleep with unstable people.

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1) What should I expect as far as child support and custody arrangements go?

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Nothing until you or she establishes paternity and seeks a custody order. Until then, you have no obligation to pay a cent, and she has no obligation to allow you to see the child. If either side formalizes the matter, or if she applies for aid from taxpayer-funded programs, the state will take the initiative to start the paternity and child support aspects, then you'd still need to pursue the visitation part. Once paternity is established, child support would follow TX child support guidelines, which you can find through the TX Attorney General: https://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/parents/faq.shtml. Visitation will be a little different since you're in another state. Expect that initial visits will be in the child's community. You can ask that mom pay for travel expenses, since mom moved out of state; whether or not you'll get it ordered that way no one can predict.

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2) Should I stay out of TX? My top choice of graduate schools is in Texas. I am afraid to go there now because of this happening.

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Afraid of what?

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3) Should I be present at the birth -

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Only the mother can answer that. It doesn't impact paternity/custody/child support in any way.

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Can I be present without putting my name on the birth certificate or signing an acknowledgement of paternity?

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Absolutely. In fact, until you have a DNA confirmation, and you're not married to mom, the best legal advice you can be given is to sign NOTHING until you've had a DNA test. Remember, if mom lied to you, you can't predict what ELSE she might have lied about, or how many other potential fathers there may be. If you take nothing else away from the thousands of threads on the topic, it's this: SIGN NOTHING, GET DNA TESTS. If you sign without confirmation of fatherhood, only to find out 14 years from now that the child belongs to someone else, there won't be a "do over". Eighteen years, or more, of your emotional and financial life is on the line. It's worth it to do it RIGHT, and have your own proof of paternity before putting yourself in a position of obligation.

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1) No child support order - due to the fact that I was tricked into this situation and she moved 2,000 miles away a month after getting pregnant. She claims that she will not pursue child support, but my understanding is that in TX the second my name ends on on a birth certificate, or she collects welfare, that I'm liable for support.

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If she establishes paternity in court, the court will address support. If she seeks aid, the state will seek your share. The courts don't penalize the CHILD by denying support when both parents got to have the fun of making the child.

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2) Summers with my daughter. She claims that she'll let me do this whether or not I'm paying child support. I have a hard time believing that.

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Given the distance, yes, most longer distance parenting plans give generous summer time to the non-custodial parent. She may or may not follow through on her promise (but um, you see where her earliers promises have gotten you, right?). If you take her word for anything, I don't like your chances for a good outcome. Formal visitation through the courts protects YOU, outlines what is expected from both sides, AND gives you a formal order from the court that you can have enforced. If mom simply breaks a promise, all you can really do is boo hoo about it. Court orders are your friend here.

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3) Maybe in a few years when I'm ready and capable - full custody.

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Depends on what change of circumstance has occurred, if mom is willing or will contest it, and if the courts find it in the best interest of the child. It could certainly happen, but it won't happen JUST because you're ready or capable.

It's a shame that all a woman has to do is lie to a man about being on birth control, then move across the country upon becoming pregnant in order to steal 20% of his income for 21 years and cheat a child out of a relationship with their father. I've even heard stories about women taking sperm out of condoms and using it to get themselves pregnant - and courts holding the man responsible for child support regardless. Something major should be done to hold irresponsible and deceptive women like this legally accountable.

I've heard the lecture about condom use and the effectiveness of birth control 100 times, I get it, and I've gotten it ever since I was 15. It's an accident if she takes her birth control and it doesn't work - it's intentional when she doesn't and she ought to be held 100% responsible for the financial consequences. It's no different than poking a hole in a condom. We don't give rapists their victims money do we? I'd rather be forced to have sex than have my first-born child taken away from me before they're even born. Ask yourself, what's worse?

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Quoting flyingron

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Afraid of what happening?

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-I don't plan on living there for longer than 2 years as a student, but the courts might look at it and say "well, you're a Texas resident now and if you move back to NY expect no favors from us."

I really do appreciate your advice and responses. If anyone knows of a good lawyer in the Houston area, please respond with a suggestion.

Thanks.

One last idea - has anyone heard of a father successfully filing a civil lawsuit against a mother in this type of case?

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Quoting DT0074

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It's a shame that all a woman has to do is lie to a man about being on birth control, then move across the country upon becoming pregnant in order to steal 20% of his income for 21 years and cheat a child out of a relationship with their father. I've even heard stories about women taking sperm out of condoms and using it to get themselves pregnant - and courts holding the man responsible for child support regardless. Something major should be done to hold irresponsible and deceptive women like this legally accountable.

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This is what happens when you gift someone your sperm. You can also choose to move to where Mom is located. Or, you can marry the potential mother next time (which gives you far more rights from the getgo).

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I've heard the lecture about condom use and the effectiveness of birth control 100 times, I get it, and I've gotten it ever since I was 15. It's an accident if she takes her birth control and it doesn't work - it's intentional when she doesn't and she ought to be held 100% responsible for the financial consequences. It's no different than poking a hole in a condom. We don't give rapists their victims money do we? I'd rather be forced to have sex than have my first-born child taken away from me before they're even born. Ask yourself, what's worse?

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Congratulations. You just trivialized every single rape victim on the planet.

If you think that's even CLOSE to the situation you're describing - you know, the one where YOU actually CONSENTED to ejaculating - you're in need of more help than it first appeared.

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I really do appreciate your advice and responses. If anyone knows a lawyer in the Houston area, please respond with a suggestion.

Thanks.

One last idea - has anyone heard of a father successfully filing a civil lawsuit against a mother in this type of case?

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There is no lawsuit here.

YOU had every chance to NOT gift your sperm to this woman. Every single time you have sex, there is a risk of pregnancy unless the woman is clinically infertile. Every. Single. Time.

Choose better next time.

And really - rape? Good grief man.

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Quoting DT0074

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It's a shame that all a woman has to do is lie to a man about being on birth control,

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Again, NO form of birth control is absolute. If you have sex, there's a chance you'll become a parent.

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then move across the country upon becoming pregnant in order to steal 20% of his income for 21 years

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How is that stealing? If you contribute 50% of the DNA for a child, you're on the hook. It's really that simple. The CHILD deserves to be supported by both parents. This isn't about MOM, it's ALL about the CHILD. Even if mom gets hit by a train and goes to live with other family, or foster care, or a state facility, you'll STILL be on the hook to support the child, you'd just be making the payment to someone else.

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and cheat a child out of a relationship with their father.

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That's up to YOU. If you want a relationship with your child, have one. Seek visitation, and USE it. If you wanted a "Leave It to Beaver" type of family, then you should have MARRIED mom before impregnating her. But you have every right to a fruitful and loving relationship with your child - how much of it you'll get is largely dependent on how much you PURSUE that relationship.

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I've even heard stories about women taking sperm out of condoms and using it to get themselves pregnant - and courts holding the man responsible for child support regardless.

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You. Are. Responsible. For. Where. YOUR. Sperm. Ends. Up.

And don't believe every story you hear.

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Something major should be done to hold irresponsible and deceptive women like this legally accountable.

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Why? You found her just fine to sleep with. That tells the court that you approve of her.

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I've heard the lecture about condom use and the effectiveness of birth control 100 times, I get it, and I've gotten it ever since I was 15. It's an accident if she takes her birth control and it doesn't work - it's intentional when she doesn't and she ought to be held 100% responsible for the financial consequences.

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Guess where the OTHER support for the child will come from? The "mother fairy" isn't delivering it. Mom has not only her own financial obligations to the child, but also the midnight feedings, the 4am crying fits, and the general raising of the child. You're barking up a tree that'll get you nowhere, legally.

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We don't give rapists their victims money do we?

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If you think you can convince a jury that you had sex unwillingly, head on down and file that police report. Participation in sex under ANY circumstances, is an acceptance of the risk of pregnancy. Period.

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I'd rather be forced to have sex than have my first-born child taken away from me before they're even born.

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Until birth there IS no child. After birth, your level of relationship with your child depends on you. Nothing has been "taken away", it's just that since you weren't married to mom, you have to first ESTABLISH yourself as father. Then, exercise your parental rights.

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I don't plan on living there for longer than 2 years as a student, but the courts might look at it and say "well, you're a Texas resident now and if you move back to NY expect no favors from us."

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Texas will retain jurisdiction regardless of where you live.

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One last idea - has anyone heard of a father successfully filing a civil lawsuit against a mother in this type of case?

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Nope.

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Quoting aardvarc

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In fact, until you have a DNA confirmation, and you're not married to mom, the best legal advice you can be given is to sign NOTHING until you've had a DNA test. Remember, if mom lied to you, you can't predict what ELSE she might have lied about, or how many other potential fathers there may be. If you take nothing else away from the thousands of threads on the topic, it's this: SIGN NOTHING, GET DNA TESTS. If you sign without confirmation of fatherhood, only to find out 14 years from now that the child belongs to someone else, there won't be a "do over".

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Actually that last bit changed earlier this year in TX - http://www.familylawattorneysblog.co...tate-law.shtml.

Though I didn't google the actual wording of the bill yet, that appears - at least on the surface - to apply to situations where a MARRIED father can dispute paternity after a divorce (it used to be that after the divorce was finalized, it was a done deal - period).

Not an unwed father.

"Texas will retain jurisdiction regardless of where you live."

Not sure about that...In my case, Mom got pregnant in FL, moved to NY had the kid there, NY initiated support since she went on welfare and then FL got jurisdiction under IV-D status. FL came after me NOT NY.....FL had jurisdiction.

Word of caution/advise! IF NY gets jurisdiction, check with a good attorney and see if they can order support until age 21 even though she lives in TX...NY is one of a few states with support till 21! If that is the case if it were ME, I'd move out of NY, change residency to another state and you may save yourself 3 years of not paying support if found to be the father.

Jurisdiction can change in the future if you/her/child all move to other states..look into it.

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Quoting RAS

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"Texas will retain jurisdiction regardless of where you live."

Not sure about that...In my case, Mom got pregnant in FL, moved to NY had the kid there, NY initiated support since she went on welfare and then FL got jurisdiction under IV-D status. FL came after me NOT NY.....FL had jurisdiction.

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Because of cooperation between the states.

Nothing else.

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Word of caution/advise! IF NY gets jurisdiction, check with a good attorney and see if they can order support until age 21 even though she lives in TX...NY is one of a few states with support till 21! If that is the case if it were ME, I'd move out of NY, change residency to another state and you may save yourself 3 years of not paying support if found to be the father.

Jurisdiction can change in the future if you/her/child all move to other states..look into it.

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That's NOT how it works.

AT ALL.

Thanks again everyone for the advice and suggestions. I'm pleased with the numbers of responses this message board gets, not always what I want to hear but good stuff regardless.

Sometimes knowing what you're up against, what rights you have, and how you can exercise them is half the battle, or more! =)

Here's a little something extra... For what it's worth...

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...+3&version=NIV

Just freaking read it if you never have...