Chances of Dropped Charges

My question involves criminal law for the state of: Kansas

Today my boyfriend and I were having a very heated argument. Both of us were yelling at each other and things were getting out of hand. He got in my face so I slapped him a few times, and he took my arm and pushed me onto the bed to get me to stop hitting him. Other than this he absolutely did not touch me - he is direly against men hitting women under any circumstances.

The cops were called by someone in our apartment complex, and we were both pretty frazzled when he answered the door, although by this time we were settling down and starting to apologize. They interviewed us separately and said our stories matched in regards to the argument and everything that happened. I didn't even mention that he pushed me because it was quite insignificant, and I am truly not injured, or "battered" as they called it, but apparently I had a mark on my arm that I didn't notice, and the cop remarked about it. I said he may have pushed me, but in the heat of the moment I couldn't remember entirely what happened (when I get angry/when people get angry at me, I just kind of stop functioning).

The cops said that because of the mark (and a dismantled remote control that I threw in the thick of things) they had to arrest him. I told the cops the truth, which is that we have never fought like this in our five year relationship, he has never beat me or tried to hurt me in any way, and that I am hardly the type of person to just accept abuse, but they said that the law states that they HAVE to arrest him if there is any evidence at all.

I am not scared for him to come home tomorrow when he gets out and I told them that, we were just both really angry and things got out of hand, and they said that I would have to call the DA tomorrow to request that they allow him to see me and that the charges be dissolved.

Is there really anything I can do here? We are barely scraping by, as a matter of fact the dispute began because of finances, and we can't afford a huge fine or for him to get a domestic battery charge over truly nothing when it's already hard enough to get a job in this economy. We are both traditional students attending university and he has work and classes to attend. I would just hate for his life to be ruined over something that I literally forgot even happened over the course of 20 minutes, due to its insignificance.

Any advice on how to proceed is appreciated.

The police made their decision. The only thing you can really do now is hire the man a really good attorney. The can pursue the charge on your behalf regardless of your feelings about it. I suggest you and your boyfriend choose not to sweep the incident under the rug, get counseling and if you have children together be awre that CPS will take your children away from you due to the abusive home environment.

It wasn't really an "incident"... we are both over-worked, stressed, sleep deprived, and have absolutely no money. A great recipe for heated dispute. Like I said, it was also isolated, and I hardly think we need counseling, especially considering that we were laughing about how ridiculous we were being (to the point of having the cops called on us) while the cops were conferring about how to handle the situation.

We do not have money for an attorney, and we do not have children. Although, if we did, I can guarantee you we wouldn't fight in front of them.

We are both very intelligent, educated people who happened to let our tempers get the best of us. It is quite insulting to me that you would be so condescending in your reply, and disheartening that you didn't really have any useful information for me.

Regardless of circumstances, as viol8te said...the police make the decision in potential abuse cases. Neighbors calls cops, yo had a mark on your arm....

Again, you need a lawyer for him. If you cannot afford one, ask for a Public Defender. That will cost a little. But even without children to be concerned about, you want to minimize the damage to his criminal record.

I hardly see anything to laugh about being that you slapped him several times and he goes to jail. Like I said, there is more to it than jusdt that incident. All of the things that caused your stress should not have culminated into a fight. You guys might want to seriously evaluate what all made this incident escalate.

I just re-read your response. Your education, finances, race, intellect, fighting styles, whatever has nothing to do with my response. You found something condescending with in it? You are going to have to show me where I said anything condescending. What's funny and not in the ha-ha kind of way is that you said that YOU smacked him several times and admitted it to the police. Yet, he's the unfortunate chump that went to jail! Where's the justice in that? You state that frustrations and stupidity led up to this erroneous laplse of composure. Sorry lady, I've spent my entire career as a PO in the domestic violence unit and I guarantee that this was a festering ball of frustration that did not begin and end with this one incident. Just because you don't like the reality, which is you started something that you could not control. Your boyfriend responded in a way that was illegal and violent. The neighbors responsibly called the police. The police did their job(although, you should have been the one going.) What else do you want to hear?

Viol8te, it is laughable to me that there are people like you who only see black and white. My fiancee and I try not to take ourselves too seriously, that's just our nature... we realize that at the time we were having an argument that we were taking ourselves too seriously, so we laughed about it in retrospect. Now, there are people out there who are seriously abused on a daily bases, and need to be separated from their spouses, and those abusers should be arrested and charged. I'm sorry that as a person who deals with that all the time that you have to see that sort of thing. It's really, truly sad, and I feel for them. I am not one of them, and my fiancee is not one of those abusers, so you can hold your breath. But once again, I appreciate your input, even with your second condescending post towards me, where you basically assume that you know me, my fiancee, or anything about our lives. I did not ask for your judgment, only your legal advice on how to proceed in the weeks to come.

And yes, I am lucky that I am not in jail right now, but my fiancee is the kind of person who would blatantly lie to keep me out of jail, because he would never want me to be in a place like that. He really is a great guy that doesn't deserve to be there. I'm sorry if you see it differently, but to me, an out of character spat that leads to a few slaps to the face, and a shove are much less than we even encounter in our sex lives! It's definitely not the end of the world, and definitely doesn't merit either of us being sent to jail. I understand why the law is in place, for people who need it to protect them from themselves, but not every person needs protecting.

None of which changes the fact that slaps to the face constitute a battery in all 50 states, and occurring during the course of an argument only strengthens the state's case that a crime, in fact, took place. Crimes, of ANY sort, aren't committed against only the direct "victim", but against society as a whole, which is why the state in the form of the DA has leeway to prosecute cases, even against the wishes of the direct victim, even if the victim doesn't label themselves as such (similarly, a murder victim doesn't have to file a complaint for law enforcement and the courts to prosecute a homicide).

The best legal advice that can be given is that the accused needs to retain counsel, the more experience with DV cases in your local courts the better, and, that the accused should discuss the case with NO ONE except their attorney, at the risk of any of those persons being called by the state as a witness against the defendant.

Quote:

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Quoting frustratedwoman

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I'm sorry if you see it differently, but to me, an out of character spat that leads to a few slaps to the face, and a shove are much less than we even encounter in our sex lives!

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I hope and pray you can tell the difference.

Well thanks for nothing everyone, they aren't even filing charges, because instead of assuming things about us and our relationship, they asked questions and LISTENED to the answers! If some of you are in the field, I feel truly sorry for the people that you group into your philosophies of what is right and wrong instead of getting to know them as individuals and treating each case with care.

But the next time I need conservative republican bullshit morals and judgment shoved down my throat under the guise of legal advice, I know where to come!

Which responders were either (a) conservative or (b) republican?????????? You didn't ask about morals, you asked about the law, and were given correct information in that regard. That the state chose not to pick up the charge for whatever reason still doesn't mean that the arrest, given the information that police had at the time, was proper. In many states, police are REQUIRED to make an arrest in cases where they have reason to believe that domestic violence occurred. Telling an officer that slapping occurred fits that bill. There's no point to shooting the messengers, as we don't MAKE the laws or policies in question, and no, not all of us agree that mandatory arrest is the end-all solution to domestic violence. There are places and methods to challenge those laws and policies, but neither are HERE.

And as indicated over and over and over, throughout posts, signature tags, and the Terms of Service you agreed to by entering and using the site, ONLY YOUR ATTORNEY CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH LEGAL ADVICE.