Ex Wants to Take My Legal Custody Away

That's an awesome explanation - thank you!

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Quoting torrotorro

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Thanks for your thoughts. I guess I am leaving things out since it would take up too much space. So I will address your questions.

At a meeting with a Friend of the Court representative, I was told that I could move. On 9/23/09 I submitted a permission request to FOC and on 9/25/09, I moved. This seems to be erroneous since I see in the judgment the stipulation. Yes, I blew that one. Let's move on.

Why the exparte order? I got out to Oregon and lost all my parenting time according to the previous judgment. Yes, I did that to myself. In October 2009, my ex-wife and I, though FOC facilitation came to the agreement I stated above. The child at the time was 9 years old. She's 11 now. It has cost my wife and me over $1500 each time to fly back to MI. It's worth the money to see my daughter, don't get me wrong. But I can't afford to make more than 1 trip a year.

Why can't I have time with my child in my state? Mom won't allow it. My parents have even suggested they would fly out with her. No answer. The order says Michigan only. That's all I can tell you.

Regarding the $300. She was fined for violating the joint legal custody section of the judgment when she initiated an orthodontic procedure without consulting me. There are two more of these disputes coming: $438, and $562. I'm objecting to both on the grounds that she started a process that I never agreed to and now I can't do anything about it without jeopardizing the well being of my child.

Thank you for pointing out the guidelines. I realize that the courts will interpret them however they see fit.

According to paperwork I just located, I submitted a request for permission to move on 9/23/09. I never heard back from them when I left on 9/25/09. To this date, I haven't heard anything from them. I'm making a point to have my case worker review the file to see if there's anything in there. The order seems clear, now that I read it again (grrrrr.....), on neither parent moving more than 100 miles without the court's permission. Wish it was as simple as you say.

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Don't care what mom will allow, it is what you may be able to get with the court. With the child being 11, there is no reason not to petition the court to get a standard long distance plan, where you can have the child fly out to you. Mom probably is gonna fight it, but not seeing why she would win on this. It still is going to cost you, you moved, moving party usually pays for all transportation. You need to check airline rules, ones that fly between Mi and Oregon, and see what their rules are on an unaccompanied minor. She may be old enough to go it alone, or you pay extra for an airline employee to get her on and off the plane. Be cheaper to fly her to you, even if you pay extra for the unaccompanied minor, then to fly 2 people back and forth.

What you got then was through FOC, you agreed, FOC does not make orders, only recommendations. Since you agreed then a Judge will sign it into an order. You can object to a FOC recommendation. We also have Refs in Mi, they only make recommendations to, you can object to that. You can file 2 ways, through FOC although they will only hear something that is already in the order, in this case parenting time. Or you can file directly with the circuit court and pay a filing fee. If you go through FOC you first go to FOC, you can object, depending on the court sometimes you will then see a Ref, other courts it will go directly to the Judge. If you file directly through the circuit court, you will go to a Ref first, again they only make recommendations, you can object and then it will be heard by the Judge. Every county is a bit different, so objection time is different. Don't agree to something you don't want, not when you have other options such as the Judge hearing the case. I have seen many Judges in several Mi counties, disagree with recommendations from Refs and FOC. All this info will be in the handbook for your county FOC.

On the orthodontic, since she was already fined, and she went ahead again with it, it is possible, for her to end up paying all the costs. That is what your going to have to try and get the court to go with. Since the process has already started, the court won't stop it, but she didn't follow the court order, so she can be held responsible to cover all the costs. But the court could also still have you pay your share.

It's not as simple as I must have made it out to you, sorry about that, it is actually very difficult. You need to educate yourself. You moved 2 years ago, and even though you didn't get the courts permission, mom knew, she filed. So for 2 years you have been gone, and you both agreed to another parenting plan to go with your move. So mom can't sit and argue how you moved without permission, cause she should have put that fuss up 2 years ago. But instead she agreed to another parenting plan that accomadated the move. However as I said, I would be filing for a change in that plan, cause you should be able to take the child to your state, she is old enough, you have been punished for moving without permission for 2 years now. So consider changing that. You can find long distance plans online, again look up your county FOC handbook, and see if they have one in it. If not look up other Mi counties(Mine has a long distance plan, and it is online, along with other counties).

Standand long distance plan in my county-Every other long holiday break. Christmas/New Year, Midwinter break(some counties have schools that have a week off, but others only have a 4 day weekend), Spring break/Easter(Some years they fall separate and other years they are together, think this might also depend on the school district), summer(minimum I have seen is 6 weeks, which all goes to the NCP, but I have seen some counties with 8 weeks and others with all but the week after school lets out and the week before it starts), and Thanksgiving. Now you would get every other, except summer you will get a block every summer.

The only problem I see with you actually getting the complete long distance plan to start with, is you have only seen her for a week each of the last 2 years. But even with that you could build up to the standard. Seriously you made a huge error agreeing to the other plan 2 years ago, even with your mistake of not notifying the courts, you should have gotten the standard plan. Only time they don't do the standard is with younger children(under 5) or when a long period of no contact has occured. Then they will go with starting off visits in the state of the child.

But how much of that standard long distance you go for is up to you, maybe your happy with just your week and coming to Mi for the visits. If your not happy, then you have nothing to lose but your time filing and going to court. With the distance it is possible to get phone ins to court hearings, but you have to ask the court for that when filing. It's possible that with your lack of contact since the move, mom could now get joint legal from you, however they hate taking joint legal away. So start reading and learning, and preparing, hire a lawyer if you can.

Gam: Yes, that's an awesome explanation. Thanks very much. I understand that this has everything to do with what is in the best interest of the child. But, I'm wondering what provisions there are for the NCP moving to take a job that is outside the 100 mile limit. At this point, is it even worth going through the paperwork to make my new residence official? Or is that just a waste of everyone's time?

Gam: thank you sooo much for your valuable insights. This is gold to me! Understanding all this legal mumbo-jumbo gives me a headache. Thank you for educating me. Yeah, I know I blew it on the whole permission thing. I should have been more diligent. Your statment about the standard plan is very helpful. I felt railroaded by the FOC when we talked about parenting time after I landed out here. Seems I need to make sure I exercise my power to object. Thanks for point out the handbook. I plan on buying on soon.

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Quoting torrotorro

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Gam: Yes, that's an awesome explanation. Thanks very much. I understand that this has everything to do with what is in the best interest of the child. But, I'm wondering what provisions there are for the NCP moving to take a job that is outside the 100 mile limit. At this point, is it even worth going through the paperwork to make my new residence official? Or is that just a waste of everyone's time?

Gam: thank you sooo much for your valuable insights. This is gold to me! Understanding all this legal mumbo-jumbo gives me a headache. Thank you for educating me. Yeah, I know I blew it on the whole permission thing. I should have been more diligent. Your statment about the standard plan is very helpful. I felt railroaded by the FOC when we talked about parenting time after I landed out here. Seems I need to make sure I exercise my power to object. Thanks for point out the handbook. I plan on buying on soon.

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Just notify FOC of your current address, most likely a waste now to file on the move. Your ex knows, FOC knows, you all made a new parenting plan 2 years ago because of your move.

What you need to concentrate now on, is getting a modification of that crappy current long distance parenting plan. You also need to work on whatever she has filed concerning taking your legal custody away. You are really gonna need a new long distance plan, that spells out everything. Specially on communicating with the child, with mom, how communication is to take place. Phone calls can be right in the order, several a week is good for long distance, have specific days and times you can call. If you have a webcam or can afford to get one and get one for the child, that is also an excellent way to communicate long distance. That to can be written into the order. I would also have something in the order about communicating between you and mom, and a time frame to return calls. What form that communication is done in, how long to get back to each other. But you will need to keep a good check on your email account, no excuses, check it often, along with phone messages and get back as soon as possible.

Joint legal is all major decisions. It basically means a decision needs to be discussed between the 2 of you and a joint decision made. Calling after the fact and calling from the Dr office for that decision is not reasonable on mom's part. You need something like mom calls and discusses having some shot, you then have 24 hours to get back with her on your thoughts to come to a joint decision. The things medically mom is doing here are not emergency decisions, they don't need to be decided while she is sitting with the child in the Dr or Ortho's office. She needs to get a grip, be an adult and discuss these things with you. Yes it puts her out to have to go back for a shot to the Dr office, but guess what, she is CP, that is her job, she accepted it.

The handbooks are not for sale, they are free to anyone who has a case. I would send a letter to your FOC requesting one be mailed. Before that though, look up the county FOC online your case is in. Could be that the handbook is online, many counties have them online. Just make sure it's the county your case is in, they all are a bit different, so only the county your case is in will truly help you.

Gam: Thanks again. Your insights are gold. I'll look into the handbook thing. Thanks for helping me focus on the long distance agreement. That was never an option that FOC presented. It was all or none according to them. I like your thoughts on the communication plan. Even though we hate talking to each other, we both need to own up to the fact that it has to be written down and we both follow it. Good call. Question: what if I asked mom to allow me to communicate with our daughter via Skype, but she flat out denied me? Do I have a case that she's prohibiting me from communication? She stated, "She has a cell phone." And so, I dropped it.