Absent Parent, No Child Support, Never Met Child

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Wisconsin

My daughter is 3 years and 1 month old. Her "sperm donor" as I call him, has never met her or tried to. Because my daughter has state assistance for insurance and childcare, the child support agency was required to court order a dna test to establish paternity and collect child support. Well, the "sperm donor" never showed for the 2 dna test appointments they set up. Me and my daughter showed both times and to all appointments and provided our dna. So paternity has not been established yet and he's never once tried to see her and was never there for me while I was pregnant. He actually moved to out of state. He's sent many messages threatening me and being mean but I haven't seen him since I was 3 months pregnant. He tells everyone he spends time with my daughter and loves her so much but he's never seen her or talked to her...nothing.

What I'm afraid of is that one day he'll decide to finally cooperate and actually get joint custody of her. He's a compulsive liar and has violent tendencies. I've raised my daughter completely alone up until the beginning of this year when I met my current significant other and he's been an amazing father for her.
Isn't it considered abandonment after 37 months of absolutely no contact with the child or ever meeting her for that matter?
I want to terminate his parental rights because it's been 3 years and he clearly wants nothing to do with her. And I don't want him to be able to just come in her life when he feels like it and hurt her or me...emotionally, mentally and physically.
Also, marriage is in my near future and my significant other loves my daughter more than anything and will want to adopt her. Would I be pretty likely to win and be able to terminate his rights? Or will they give him a chance to prove himself as a father? Though I know he won't....he knows he'll owe a ton of money in back pay child support, so it's not worth it to him.

The fact is, there are no orders at all and he has not been established as Dad. Therefore he is under no obligation to pay child support, nor visit with the child. Likewise, you have no obligation to actually allow contact without a court order.

Once you get married and stay married for awhile (usually a year or so), you should speak with an attorney. Given that your ex hasn't been legally established as father, a stepparent adoption might be tricky. He generally needs to establish parental rights before those are terminated.

Quite often, the court will allow a putative father to establish a relationship to the child.

so if let's say tomorrow he decides well im actually going to show up for a dna test, establish paternity etc. Will he be able to have custody once he's established as the father? Without paying any back pay child support?

Yes.

Child support isn't a ticket to see the child - if he establishes paternity, he'll get visitation (and perhaps some sort of joint custody) regardless of whether he's paid a dime in child support.

ugh! that's not fair at all that I love her more than the air I breathe and he doesn't care about her at all, yet if he feels like it he can get a dna test and be able to have custody of her and never pay a penny for the last 37 months??? That's just not right :(

Oh, there are remedies available to you with regards to child support. His license can be suspended (assuming he has one), his tax refunds can be intercepted, even jail is a possibility. Once he's ordered to pay (and it will go back to the date you or the State filed), those arrears aren't going to go away.

But custody and visitation are entirely separate animals. What you CAN do, incidentally, is request that the court rules him to be father by default.

I'm just afraid to do that because I feel like them contacting him will initiate him fighting to get custody of my daughter. I just don't think it's very fair that someone can get someone pregnant, then leave the state and never once try to see/contact their child for over 3 years and still be allowed to have parental rights after ALL that.

So if the court rules him as father by default then they'll attempt to contact him to start paying child support and he'll have to back pay from the day the state filed it? Which was over 2 and a half years ago?

Someone can also use birth control and/or choose an alternative if pregnancy occurs. Don't put this all on your ex. You BOTH had choices here.

I obviously know that.
HE also made the choice to not care for or take responsibility of his child. It is all on him because I've been here every second supporting my child in every way possible.

Though I didn't intentionally get pregnant I did make the choice to keep my child because I love her more than anything. It was his choice not to be there for her and it was my choice to be here for her.

This is not his legal child.

Hence he has no obligation to support your daughter. This is the result of having a child out of wedlock. (And this is legally speaking - nothing to do with morality, k? Just plain old legalities).