Ex-Spouse Is Not Returning Children's Belongings

What is it you wish to accomplish?

Do you want to get the stuff back?

Do you want Dad to pay for the stuff?

Do you want to stop your kids from taking things from you?

what would you consider a change in circumstance? the fact that their dad moved some woman into his home he met online and shes trying to act like shes their mother now? the fact that this woman is supposedly a 3rd grade teacher and still my son fails 7th grade? the fact that i get calls from my sons school on the days he is at his dads because hes acting out in school or didnt do homework? the fact that they seem to like this woman that lives there because she buddies up to them and doesnt discipline them like i do so they think im the bitch here? of course the kids will side with the ones that let them do what they want. its ridiculous but i hear stories like this a lot in counseling because there are a lot of mothers in the same situation of their ex manipulating the kids to get away with paying support. I guess NY state is notorious for this.

Please. Calm. Down.

Now, you can't really blame the new girlfriend for your son failing 7th grade - remember that he's spending half of his time with you, too. You can't expect her to tutor him. That's not her role.

Now if he's failing and this has happened since she moved in, or over a short period of time? That can be CoC. But with you having half of the time with him too, the court is going to want to know what you're doing about it.

What I love here is that you've never even tried to change anything, but you're so certain that everything your ex tells you is exactly right and everything that we tell you is wrong. Is your ex an attorney? Is he a family law attorney?

I dont blame the girlfriend but my ex has taken her to my sons school to meet his teachers. I only get calls about his behavior in school while he is at his dads and the days hes missed homework was while he was at his dads. He stays after school on my days to make up work he didnt do while he was at his dads. I know it sounds like this should be a piece of cake to fight in court but when it comes down to it the kids always make sure he never gets in trouble for any of his poor parenting. if the courts would just leave the kids out of it i could win this easily but they let the kids rally for him and cover for his poor parenting and the whole case goes nowhere. if the courts were really concerned with the best interest of the kids they would open their eyes not allow them to feel guilty and cover for their dad.

i know cbg... believe me if i didnt have such crappy luck in court so far then i wouldnt question any of your advice. the judge really doesnt care about the best interest of the kids.. all they care about is giving the kids what they want and who has the most money for the attorney. i tell them i cant afford an attorney and dont qualify for free legal assistance and it goes nowhere unless i am prepared to lose all kinds of time from work and put everyone through a battle where everyone ends up hating everyone. my ex is so angry and bitter towards me and only concerned with not having to pay anything for his kids that hes willing to waste my time over this. he has an attorney in the family and thats where he gets his advice from. he seems confident that he could take custody from me because he has my kids hating me right now and is confident that he would have me paying him support. its ridiculous. no attorney will represent me unless i have a ton of cash to throw their way because he has one of the best attorneys in the area that will fight for him.

You don't know WHAT the courts would do, because you've not been there since you started having all of these issues...

but honestly? the kids need to go live with dad.

The reality is that at 14, your son's wishes will likely carry some weight in court.

I'm really not sure what you want to accomplish though. You haven't really told us.

i agree .. i feel its time they learn the hard way whos really been there for them all these years. if they cant appreciate all i do for them then let them rely on their father and see how far it gets them. he wouldnt get support off me if he did get custody because he makes more and i have nothing and my health problems would put me out of work before he would ever get a dime from me. i guess if i pursued this all i would ask for is for support since i seem to be carrying the weight of all the financial burden alone here.

it would be great if the judge would put in an order for the kids to not take things from my home to his and look at it as my ex was violating the order by not supporting them while in his care but i doubt that would happen. they would probably say that whatever i buy the kids is theirs to take where ever they want

There you are again, making up your mind that everyone is always going to side with your ex without bothering to try. You know what? As long as you take that defeatist attitude "oh well, they'll probably say they can (fill in the blank) against me so there's no point in trying", nothing is going to change. As long as you stand by and make no attempts to change it, the status quo is going to go right on.

Quote:

---

Quoting exstaticx

---

i agree .. i feel its time they learn the hard way whos really been there for them all these years. if they cant appreciate all i do for them then let them rely on their father and see how far it gets them. he wouldnt get support off me if he did get custody because he makes more and i have nothing and my health problems would put me out of work before he would ever get a dime from me. i guess if i pursued this all i would ask for is for support since i seem to be carrying the weight of all the financial burden alone here.

it would be great if the judge would put in an order for the kids to not take things from my home to his and look at it as my ex was violating the order by not supporting them while in his care but i doubt that would happen. they would probably say that whatever i buy the kids is theirs to take where ever they want

---

I have news for you.

If Dad got full custody, you'd still be ordered to pay child support even if you couldn't work.

Even if it is only the state minimum.