Is It Reasonable to Obtain a Restraining Order Against My Mother

My question involves restraining orders in the State of: New Jersey
I'm 19 years old right now and legally, I am a dependent. My parents are divorced now and what my mom pays for are my auto and health insurance. I live with my dad and he pays for my college tuition and provides housing. However, when my dad takes business trips abroad (usually a week long to a month long), my mom would come live with my brother & me. Unfortunately, there was a long history of verbal abuse (calling me useless, said I should've been aborted, etc) and occasional physical abuse in the past. I do see a counselor and I am prescribed antidepressants for all this; but that is all without my mom's knowledge. Whenever she is home, my depressive episodes always increase 10 fold and I go without sleep on many nights. She won't leave me alone where it's borderline harassment. I recently adopted a kitten because I do have faith in pet therapy but my mom hates my kitten and threatens to get her declawed (even though I'm under contract with the adoption agency saying that I won't do that).

I understand that I'm still financially reliant on her but I want to make it so that I don't have to be in the same house as her, ever. There are always issues and fights and I am stressed out all the time. I just can't deal with her anymore or I would seriously just kill myself because I'm tired of what has been on-going for 19 years. I do work part-time and I'm a full time student at the state university so it's not like I have nothing going for me.

Also, my brother would definitely testify for me as he was also constantly victimized by my mother. Last year, during his junior year in high school, he became depressed and would skip school. This all escalated until he dropped out of high school and when he was put on antidepressants, my parents stopped him after 3 months because of future "health issues", or should I say ignorant superstitions.

So is it reasonable to get a restraining order against her? Would the judge grant me this?

How old is your brother? If he is under 18 then you will be forcing him to go stay with mom when dad goes away.

A court is likely to look at this and remind you that you are an adult and can legally leave when mom comes over to watch your brother. If you do manage to obtain a restraining order of some kind, your brother will either have to be left in YOUR care, or he will have to live with her for a week to a month when your dad travels.

I don't know of a judge on the planet that will simultaneously require your mother to never see you again while paying for your car insurance.

You see, you are an adult. If you don't want to see her, don't.

While a judge may not require mom to do both, mom would certainly be within her rights to stop paying for anything.

If paying your own way, or having your dad pay your way are acceptable alternatives, then go ahead and seek the order. However, since the "abuse" likely occurred quite some time ago and the two of you do not live together it is likely that no order will issue.

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Quoting cyjeff

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I don't know of a judge on the planet that will simultaneously require your mother to never see you again while paying for your car insurance.

You see, you are an adult. If you don't want to see her, don't.

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Well I guess I did forget to mention that my dad is willing to pay for whatever my mom will drop but it's a whole complicated situation that it'd be impossible to explain. They own a whole business and the divorce led my dad to be in charge of it so he can definitely provide more than enough the money that we need. I'm not expecting her to pay anything for me. And not seeing her is easier said than done; I avoid her by staying at my campus library and my friend's house but she begins to call me incessantly. If I ignore her, she begins to have a temper tantrum when I'm at home.

My brother is still a minor at age 17 but I was hoping my older sister (age 27) could be the guardian while my dad is away. She has her own apartment near here and I'd prefer her to come over rather than my mom.

Another note: this house I'm living in with my dad & brother is still under my mom's name. My dad has a bunch of real estate here and out of the country & it just so happens our home was given to my mom. She's trying to kick us all out but my dad can't buy a new house until we sell this one .. and the other houses are across the country in Vegas so we can't move there.

Then if he has a lot of other real estate, and the home belongs to mom, it is even more unlikely that a restraining order will issue based upon old allegations of abuse to protect an adult with other legal options.

If dad has real estate all over the world he can certainly sell something to buy his own home where you live.

And if you have an older sister maybe YOU can go stay with her when mom comes over to take care of your brother?

A judge is not going to impose such a restriction on mom simply because you might be inconvenienced if she comes over. But, you are welcome to contact the court and fill out the paperwork.

He is planning to buy his own home but the bank won't let him buy one until this one is sold. And my sister has a roommate so there's no room for me to move in. Of course, I was considering to just move in with her if her roommate does leave.

I wouldn't say this is just an inconvenience. It's problematic because this causes stress on my brother & me and this could all be avoided if:
1) my mom actually decided to ACT like a mom
2) she would just stay at her boyfriend's place instead of here

Then ask dad not to ask her to come over while he is gone. Maybe YOU can take care of your brother when he is gone. That would solve the problem of mom showing up, wouldn't it?

LOL i DO take care of my brother. Ever since my sister moved out, I was the one who bought groceries, brought him to piano lessons, brought him to tutoring sessions, brought him to school. To this day, I'm still the one who cooks and does his laundry. I helped him apply to the community college here and I walked him through everything for his GED. It's gotten so ridiculous that he has called me mom a few times.

Unfortunately, my mom does not see this. When she's home, she doesn't cook because she's on her "diet" and only walks around yelling at us. Otherwise, she's out with her friends somewhere on certain nights.

There is too much background info for me to post it all & the situation is unclear to me so I can't share all the things I want to. Thank you for all your help though- you have given me lots of new things to think about.

If mom does not live there, dad does not need to allow her in. So, if you do not want her there when dad leaves, tell dad to tell her to stay away. It really is that simple. She may OWN the house, but that does not give her any rights beyond that of a landlord. If dad does not want her there, she cannot come over.