Mother is Keeping Child Who Lived With Me for Most of the Tax Year

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Oklahoma.

I am not sure if this is the correct thread to post this in, I apologize.

I am not with the mother of my 5 year old child due to her cheating on me, we broke up around December of last year. Since then, I have kept our daughter except for the random once or twice a month where her mother has had her spend the night. I work from 9am to 530pm so the mother's mother has been watching our daughter while I work. So during school they have had her a few hours per day and during summer they have had her 9 hours per day while I work. On my days off I had her all day.

This past week the mother kept her for 5 days and is now telling me that she will only allow me to have our daughter 2 days of the week. I explained to her that we should slip the days 3 days for me 4 days for her one week and switch the next week so she is with each of us the same amount of time, which is best for our daughter.

We live less than a mile away from each other. Yesterday she told me that her and her newly wed husband are claiming our daughter on taxes and she will give me a third of the child tax credit (a third to her and a third to her mother), seeing as how the child tax credit is just a bonus added on to what a parent gets for claiming a dependent. She change the school address to her and her husband's address so she could show that she lives there and she hasn't even kept her 10% of the year! I did not agree to this since I have taken care of our daughter most of the year. I offered to give her 50% of what I get back to split between her and her mother.

After explaining to her about the half weeks of us keeping our daughter she shook my hand and agreed, but it seems she did that just to get me to stop asking about it and she is going to try to keep me from our daughter for 5 days a week. I asked her why she is wanting to commit IRS fraud and claim someone who she has barely taken care of and her response was "I want a car." She has no job, only income is her husband's. I have had a job since I was 13 and am now 27 and was the only parent bringing in money while we were together.

I pay for our child's school lunches and the class room snacks and bought her school clothes. What do I need to do to make sure she cannot steal the tax money from me which I will spend directly on our daughter? PLEASE HELP!!!! I feel like she is just using our daughter for money and is not keeping what is best for our daughter the first priority. She only wants to keep her most of the week so she can claim her on taxes and come after me for child support. I have texts from her acknowledging that I have kept her most of the year and have financially support our daughter, just not directly through the mother. I try to keep responding to the texts so I have something from her saying things like this, but it is getting hard because she keeps texting inappropriate things like if my girlfriend is better in bed than her and other immature things. She also threatened me through texts with child support if me and my girlfriend ever get married and have another child.

What does the formal custody agreement say?

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Quoting flyingron

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What does the formal custody agreement say?

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It does not exist.

Until you have something IN WRITING from the court, you have nothing you can enforce, no matter who agreed to what.

Since it doesn't appear that you were married to mom, there are some hoops you'll have to jump through (some of which may have already happened):

First, are you the child's legal father? (ie you appear on the birth certificate) If not, that's the first thing that needs to happen, because until it does, you're a legal stranger to the child. You'll need to file a paternity case in the family court in the county where the child lives. The court will order a DNA test, and if you're the father, you can be added to the birth certificate and continue to the next step:

Request a parenting plan (formally known as custody or joint custody). Most courts are willing to allow parents to try to work out something between them and bring a finished plan to the court for approval. This process often includes a neutral moderator who tries to get both sides to be reasonable. The more one or both sides can't or won't work together, the longer the process will take. Things like who pays for health insurance, who gets to claim tax breaks, who is responsible for transportation for visitation, vacation times, etc should all be addressed in this process.

In conjunction with either a paternity case or a parenting plan case, it would be customary for the court to also address child support, along the lines of state standards unless one side had some extenuating circumstance. Even if mom doesn't request it on behalf of the child, it is still a benefit due TO the child.

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Quoting aardvarc

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Until you have something IN WRITING from the court, you have nothing you can enforce, no matter who agreed to what.

Since it doesn't appear that you were married to mom, there are some hoops you'll have to jump through (some of which may have already happened):

First, are you the child's legal father? (ie you appear on the birth certificate) If not, that's the first thing that needs to happen, because until it does, you're a legal stranger to the child. You'll need to file a paternity case in the family court in the county where the child lives. The court will order a DNA test, and if you're the father, you can be added to the birth certificate and continue to the next step:

Request a parenting plan (formally known as custody or joint custody). Most courts are willing to allow parents to try to work out something between them and bring a finished plan to the court for approval. This process often includes a neutral moderator who tries to get both sides to be reasonable. The more one or both sides can't or won't work together, the longer the process will take. Things like who pays for health insurance, who gets to claim tax breaks, who is responsible for transportation for visitation, vacation times, etc should all be addressed in this process.

In conjunction with either a paternity case or a parenting plan case, it would be customary for the court to also address child support, along the lines of state standards unless one side had some extenuating circumstance. Even if mom doesn't request it on behalf of the child, it is still a benefit due TO the child.

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I am already on the birth certificate as the father. Where do I go to request a mediator and the parental plan?

So my fears have been proven correct. She has gone back on our handshake deal and is not allowing me to get my daughter today, says only on my two days off per week. I am trying to find out what I need to do court wise and where I need to go and if her changing this and not letting me get my daughter would qualify for a temporary emergency custody order. I am also looking to fill out a parental plan, do I take this to DHS or what? And it looks like it has to be signed by both parents? I am all kinds of confused now.

She kept her 4 days last week and has had her since Thursday at 3:50 PM and is now saying I can only have her on my two days off per week after handshaking on a deal that we split seeing her 50/50 every week and agreed to let me get her today and return her Thursday and then she keeps her for 3 days and we do the opposite each week, 3 days me 4 days her then 4 days me 3 days her.

No, this isn't an emergency.

Mom didn't legally have to allow you ANY contact with kiddo.

So now, you'll have to file in court to establish an enforceable visitation order. Unfortunately I couldn't find any online forms for OK - you'll have to go down to the courthouse, it seems. Or you can speak with an attorney who'll guide you through the whole process.

I am on the birth certificate, would I still need to file for paternity before I go to file the ex parte emergency custody petition or parental plan or enforceable visitation order?

If you're on the birth certificate, you are already the child's legal father.

You'll want to go down to the courthouse that serves the community where the CHILD lives - that is the court that will have jurisdiction over the case. For example if you live in county A and the child lives in county B, you need to file in county B. If the community has multiple courts, you want the CIVIL court, where family law matters are heard. At the courthouse, the clerks can provide you with forms to bring a custody motion, but they cannot help you fill them out or provide legal guidance. For that, you'll need an attorney.

In the meantime, Google is your friend. Check websites for "Clerk of Court" for other surrounding counties and see what helpful information might be offered (many of them have printable forms, guides, helpful tips, etc.).

You don't have grounds for an ex parte petition.

There is no emergency.