Wanting to Know a Few Questions About Visitation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: CA


Hello, my name is ryan and i'm inquiring some information that has to do with my daughter. i was just released from prison two days ago and i have been in/out of jail a lot.my record isn't squeaky clean to say the least but this was my first time being in prison and it was a wake up call that i never had when i was in county jail. my offences of the past are theft, car theft and i have done a few home burglaries in my past. inbetween being a bad boy wannabe, i had two children with two different women (was never married to either).damien is my oldest (6) and Christine is my youngest (3) ive never been in christines life. i saw her once but to be honest i just never cared.i was too lazy and high to care.i have been in and out of jail with damien but have formed a bond with him.

thing is, i really want to spend time with both of my kids.im just tired of living the life i was, as any criminal would say (well not all) after being in and out for so long. i have no plans on ever going back. my sons mom lets me see my son.ihave no problem there even though her husband is leary they both let me see him and they actually have told me he has been happier and not as moody or picking on his younger sister.

but my daughters mom wants nothing to do with me and doesnt want me to know my daughter.she is threatening to ''make'' me sign my rights over.i dont blame her i have been a crappy boyfriend and crappy father in the past but i want to get to know my daughter and develop a relationship with her. she does have a restraining order against me because i threatened her when i was drunk:wallbang:.although ive never hurt her before and will never.i did recieve child support papers while i was in prison, but didnt respond because well, i was in prison and the papers went to my house.nobody sent them to me. i was never there during the birth and didnt sign the birth certificate so not legally recognized as the father but i guess i am defaulted as the father since i didnt show up for the child support hearing.im fine with that because i know shes mine, she looks exactly like me.

i just want to know a few questions before jumping into this.

i want to file for supervised visits. this being, if i do get visitation, it will more than likley be supervised anyways but also, christine doesnt know me yet and i dont want to make her uncomfortable being around me and people she doesnt know.





1)would someone like me with my kind of past be able to get visitation with my daughter? could she really force my rights to be terminated?

2)how does this usually work? do we have supervised visits with a friend or family member in my house? a public place? a office? i would really like to take her and her brother places when shes finally comfortable with me.things i never took him before like the zoo, or a water park.


3) how long until visits are unsupervised? (if i get to choose when i have her, every sat. or sun. for about two hours for supervised visits seems ideal if thats how it works)






right now, i have no money to high a lawyer.im still paying my dues from the crimes plus finding work period is proving to be difficult.but i am trying.


thanks for any advice.sorry its so long.i didnt want to leave any info out.



oh yeah, i am officially off drugs and alcohol.been sober since incarceration if that helps my case any.

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Quoting damiensdad21

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1)would someone like me with my kind of past be able to get visitation with my daughter? could she really force my rights to be terminated?

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Could you get some visitation? Sure. Like you said, it might be supervised at first, but could grow into something more.

Could she terminate your rights? Probably not. If it did not happen when you were in jail or prison, it's not likely to happen now unless you give the mother some cause.

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2)how does this usually work? do we have supervised visits with a friend or family member in my house? a public place? a office? i would really like to take her and her brother places when shes finally comfortable with me.things i never took him before like the zoo, or a water park.

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That depends. Some counties might have a facility at a county office, therapist's office, or other location where their staff will supervise the visit. Others might allow a mutually acceptable third party - friend or relative - to supervise. Still others may require the other parent also be present. There are a great number of forms the supervision might take.

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3) how long until visits are unsupervised? (if i get to choose when i have her, every sat. or sun. for about two hours for supervised visits seems ideal if thats how it works)

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This would not be a set period of time. It could be as little as a few weeks to years. My guess is that given your past and lack of interaction with the child, you will have to jump through a great many hoops and spend a good deal of time having supervised visitations and at least re-building trust with mom before unsupervised visits will happen. Therapy, drug treatment, and mandatory tests will likely be conditions.

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right now, i have no money to high a lawyer.im still paying my dues from the crimes plus finding work period is proving to be difficult.but i am trying.

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This can be done without an attorney. If your county is large enough they may have services available for the indigent. Check with the County Bar Association or Legal Aid society if any exists in your area.

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oh yeah, i am officially off drugs and alcohol.been sober since incarceration if that helps my case any.

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Two days is not compelling. 90 days is a good start.

If you go back to hanging with the same crowd as you did before you went in, I guarantee you will fail. Go to treatment, listen, make wholesale changes in your life and the people you hang with, and decide each and every day that today you will NOT drink or do drugs ... even if you have to make that pledge for an hour at a time. If you fail, then you should NOT get to see your kids at all. So, do it for them, or give them up.

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Quoting damiensdad21

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but my daughters mom wants nothing to do with me and doesnt want me to know my daughter.she is threatening to ''make'' me sign my rights over.

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First, we need to establish if you legally HAVE any rights. Did you sign an acknowledgement of paternity when the child was born, or are you on the birth certificate? If so, then you have standing to seek visitation in the family court in the county where the child lives. If not, you'll need to file a paternity suit FIRST, establish that you are in fact the dad, and THEN you can seek a court's order granting you visitation. Start by checking the website for the Clerk of Courts in the county where the child lives. Most of them have excellent info about how to bring your case before the court yourself.

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she does have a restraining order against me because i threatened her when i was drunk:wallbang:.

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Does the order specifically include the child also? Was the child present during the incident(s) that made her seek the order?

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although ive never hurt her before and will never.i did recieve child support papers while i was in prison, but didnt respond because well, i was in prison and the papers went to my house.nobody sent them to me. i was never there during the birth and didnt sign the birth certificate so not legally recognized as the father but i guess i am defaulted as the father since i didnt show up for the child support hearing

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Ok...that actually works in your favor, in that if the court found you the father by default, at least that part of the issue is already taken care of.

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i want to file for supervised visits. this being, if i do get visitation, it will more than likley be supervised anyways but also, christine doesnt know me yet and i dont want to make her uncomfortable being around me and people she doesnt know.

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That's a very realistic plan - given that the child doesn't have much of an existing relationship with you, even without all the issues of drug use and prison time, supervised visitation would still be the "norm" during an introduction/re-introduction time anyway.

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1)would someone like me with my kind of past be able to get visitation with my daughter?

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Mom may fight tooth and nail, but if your criminal history isn't based on violence or crimes against children, one of the big picture goals of family law is unification of children with their parents. Just having a drug problem or a felony record in and of itself doesn't negate that you're the father, and as the father the court WANTS you to be in contact with the child, unless you're proven to be dangerous to the child.

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could she really force my rights to be terminated?

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She can ask. But if you're a parent SEEKING to establish a relationship with your child, the courts tend to want to give benefit of the doubt to a willing parent. In other words, you probably have a better chance to ESTABLISH rights than mom has to get rights terminated.

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2)how does this usually work? do we have supervised visits with a friend or family member in my house? a public place? a office? i would really like to take her and her brother places when shes finally comfortable with me.things i never took him before like the zoo, or a water park.

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Who does the supervising is often very wide open. I would suspect that mom would ask, and be granted, that the initial supervised visits occur in the presence of someone (such as from social services) who can give the court some professional third party accounting of how things are going. If all appears to be going well, then the supervision might switch to a less formal supervisor, such as a family member that you and mom can agree on, or, if you can't come to an agreement, then a third party, such as at a family visitation center or similar option.

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3) how long until visits are unsupervised? (if i get to choose when i have her, every sat. or sun. for about two hours for supervised visits seems ideal if thats how it works)

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Length of supervision varies with the facts of each case. Could be a few times a week for a couple of hours, could be more or less (can also depend on how far apart you and the child are). If all goes well over a few months, then you might be ready to ask the court for unsupervised visits. Expect that mom will request, and be granted, that you successfully pass several drug tests over time before the court will consider the request. But if you keep on the straight and narrow, there's little reason that you couldn't ultimately be awarded regular, unsupervised, visitation.

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right now, i have no money to high a lawyer.im still paying my dues from the crimes plus finding work period is proving to be difficult.but i am trying.

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It's a tough job market even for folks without a criminal history, but stick with it. Use the resources available from your probation office - some of them have some really good programs, and there's no shame in asking for help or starting small and working your way up. If they don't have employment or education programs of their own, ask for referrals to community groups in your area who can help you get a foot in the door and nail that important first job out of prison. You don't necessarily need an attorney to bring your visitation case - although one would be helpful if mom is using one. Even then, the family courts can be less formal than other types of courts, and judges do understand that many people in your situation couldn't afford an attorney, but nonetheless have the right to followup on the exercise of their parental rights. You might also check with your local Legal Aid Society, or any law schools in your area that might offer free or low-cost assistance.

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oh yeah, i am officially off drugs and alcohol.been sober since incarceration if that helps my case any.

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It'll help a LOT - especially since you can anticipate that mom will rightfully be concerned about the drug issue, and the court will likely want to see a history of STAYING clean while working towards reunification with your child.

''Ok...that actually works in your favor, in that if the court found you the father by default, at least that part of the issue is already taken care of''

Would i still need to take a paternity test for the courts sake? or am i her father in the courts eyes since i got that paper work? (personally, we both know i am the father)



''Does the order specifically include the child also? Was the child present during the incident(s) that made her seek the order?''

I don't think it did.she was pregnant with her at the time.



and i just want to thank you both for answering my questions without judgements (that i get from a lot of people) they really help.


a couple more questions...

if i electivly took parenting classes without it being ordered by the courts and had proof, would this be better for my case?

Y'know, I just want to commend you for stepping up and changing things, Dad.

Good for you. Unfortunately the volunteers on legal forums don't see much of that. We love it when it happens :)

Aardvaarc gave you some wonderful information. As you know, it's critical - absolutely critical - that you stay clean. Taking parenting classes is a wonderful idea - it absolutely shows the court that you're trying, and you really want to be part of your child's life.

Good luck Dad!