Father Trying to Gain Primary Custody of Daughter
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Pennsylvania
I'm looking to get primary physical custody of my 3 year old daughter.
There is a bit of a back story to this so I'm going to try giving as much detail without going on and on.
Back in late 2008 - early 2009 my ex girlfriend and I went through a custody battle, that ended in getting 50/50 shared custody with her getting primary physical custody and me paying her child support. In late Jan 2009 her parents ended up kicking her out of the house so she called and I agreed to allow her to stay at my house with the baby. A few months of living there I asked her to drop the child support since she was staying there and I was taking care of them, she agreed and dropped the child support.
Jumping forward to April 2011 things were going right back down the same path so I ended up giving her the house and moved out after she ended up having a psychotic episode, she almost hit me with a frying pan over not getting her way.
I've been giving her $300 a month and have still been paying the rent and household bills (gas, elec etc) up until June, I had the landlord take me off the lease in case she doesn't pay the bills it won't come back on me. She is now in the middle of moving out of the house (she found out paying bills wasn't so easy).
Since I moved out she has been running around telling people I've never been there for my kid and she did all the work. She's leaving out the details that I was always working to support my family and that I didn't want to rely on welfare to support me the rest of my life.
She isn't allowing me to see my daughter unless gets her way with things. Example I picked up the vacuum cleaner from her and she asked me for $20 she was short on cash. I said no I don't have it (just got done moving into a house) and I told her ask her boyfriend who was sitting in the car for money. I then said I'd like to see the baby (who's 3 years old now) and said said "no if you can't give me money you're not seeing her" and drove off. She's withheld the baby from me 5 times over money or just not getting her way. Last month I told her she needed to get all the bills changed into her name since I wasn't living there (I think that's only fair right?). I also asked her to give all the bills to my mom so I can pay them while I still had my name on the lease. She failed to do this. I had my daughter at the Zoo and I get this phone call saying "bring my kid home now", turned out the lights got shut off for non-payment because I never got the bills from her and I wouldn't go pick them up myself for my protection.
She's also been riding around with the baby NOT in a car seat and NOT buckled in. Keeping in mind she has 2 accidents and 3 speeding tickets on her driving record (I have a copy of the driving record that she had me pull after the 1st accident back in April 2011) so that tells you she doesn't have good driving habits. Regardless she should have the baby in the car seat. I also got text messages from her friend that my ex hasn't been taking care of the baby, but her friend was been because she's been spending time with her boyfriend. The baby already doesn't get to see me and now her mother isn't spending time with her. The poor kid must think her parents don't love her. I'm sorry but I can't sit back allow this craziness to keep going on.
Now I'm an over the road coach bus driver but I have the option to go back to driving local for the city. If I go back to being a local transit driver would I have a chance of the judge granting me primary physical custody of my 3 year old daughter? Also being that the child support was dropped did that effect the 50/50 shared custody put in place back in Jan 2009? In no way is this a revenge thing I'm just trying to looking out for the well being of my 3 year old.
Sorry this post is so long but I had to give the full story so I know what direction to go in.
Thanks for reading this.
- Marcus
Re: Father Trying to Gain Primary Custody of Daughter
Your first move honestly is to enforce your current court order. Go to pick up your child per the order - if Mom refuses, then you file contempt.
If she does it often enough, that's grounds to modify custody.
Otherwise I'm not seeing enough to change the status quo; at worst Mom will get a slap on the wrist for the car seat and be ordered to fit one (which she'll no doubt do). Mom is allowed to have time away from kiddo, too - unless she's quite literally spending every day and night away, the court won't mind if she's going out and leaving kiddo with a sitter.
Re: Father Trying to Gain Primary Custody of Daughter
She has a car seat, I just bought it a month before leaving. The problem is she's trying to fit 3 adults and 4 kids (who all are of car seat age 4 years to 9 months old) in the car (Ford Fusion) that made for 5 people MAX. And no it's not that she's getting away, she's putting the baby off on her friend so she can sleep at her boyfriends house. The friend has been doing everything that the mother should be doing. She hasn't even been sleeping at the house. The baby has been seen walking at the store with her friend while mom was walking with the boyfriend, that tell me she's been spending more time with the friend.
Re: Father Trying to Gain Primary Custody of Daughter
How often is Mom spending the night without kiddo?
How are you going to prove this?
I honestly don't see a change in custody here. Again, Mom is likely to be given at least one chance to "fix" things - and that's even if the judge finds there's something amiss.
Re: Father Trying to Gain Primary Custody of Daughter
I have the text from her friend and I've wrote down time and dates she hasn't had the baby in a car seat.
Re: Father Trying to Gain Primary Custody of Daughter
That's not going to stand up in court, I'm afraid.
I'm sorry Dad - I understand that you're frustrated, but I cannot see custody being changed at this time based upon what you've said.
Re: Father Trying to Gain Primary Custody of Daughter
Concur with Doggie. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you're going about this all wrong.
If you raise the complaint that she's irresponsible with money, it just looks like you don't want to pay child support. If you raise the complaint that she's spending a lot of time with the boyfriend, it just looks like you're jealous. And so on. You're arguing from an emotional perspective - understandable, but the court isn't concerned with your emotions.
What you need to do is exactly what Doggie said. You need to ensure that the current order is enforced. That means every time she refuses to allow you your parenting time, you drag her ass to court for contempt. Every. Single. Time. Without exception. Document, document, document. Do it all to the exact letter of the court order - that means if you're supposed to have her from Friday at 9AM til Monday at Noon, you'd best be pulling into Mom's driveway every single Friday at 9AM to pick the child up. If Mom refuses, come back later in the day. Make a note of the dates and times you try to pick up your daughter. Try again on Saturday and Sunday. And then on Monday, you file contempt.
If this happens often enough and you show by your willingness to fight to see your daughter, you may find yourself in very good standing to ask for full custody. You MUST do it by the letter of your order, though.
Re: Father Trying to Gain Primary Custody of Daughter
thats right what she said.I'm going through the same thing, everytime she denies your kid go to court 1,2,3 contempt with police reports u get custody..