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Safety Concerns During Visitation

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  • 06-21-2011, 12:20 PM
    MomofRWE
    Safety Concerns During Visitation
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

    I have a question about drinking and driving (or boating) while a child is with you for visitation. My 13 year old daughter visits her father every other weekend and an additional 2 weeks in the summer. She has complained to me before that when she is over there he has friends over and they have loud parties and drink until they are drunk. Since I am well aware it is none of my business what goes on in his house during his visitation (or at least there is nothing I can do about it until something bad happens) I have always told her just to go into her room and watch TV or listen to music if she is uncomfortable in that environment.

    This past weekend, I picked her up after she had been with him for a week. She complained to me about 2 separate incidents that happened during her stay. The first was at a birthday party for her 5 year old sister. The party was rowdy with many people, including her father, getting drunk. One of these people was a 15 year old boy, who was given beers all night by my daughters father.

    The second was the day I picked her up. She let me know her father started drinking at 9:00am, then around noon he drove the family to the lake, towing his boat. While they were on the boat, he continued drinking beers, she estimated 8 or 9 in 2 hours, while he was driving the boat. He then drove home, having consumed nearly a case of beer during the day.

    I know I don't have a say in what he does during his visitation, but I am concerned that something tragic is going to happen. Do I have any options in this situation, or do I have to sit back and wait for an accident where my daughter could be hurt or killed?

    Any advice is appreciated. This has me worried beyond belief. If you need any more info, please just ask.

    Thank you
  • 06-21-2011, 12:40 PM
    cdwjava
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    Revisit the custody and visitation agreement. If your daughter is old enough to be credible, and assuming the court asks her what she observed, you might be able to alcohol stipulations built into the visitation agreement.

    You do not have to sit idly by if your daughter's safety is in danger. However, understand that allegations of this nature - and worse - are about as predictable as the sun rising in many custody fights, generally if there is still a fight over primary physical custody or money.
  • 06-21-2011, 12:45 PM
    MomofRWE
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    Thank you cdwjava. I went through a custody case with her father 2 years ago. At that time, we went to mediation and I agreed to her spending more time with him as long as there was a drug and alcohol safety net stipulated in the mediation agreement. Since he was insisting on 50/50 custody (we live about an hour apart) he rejected mediation and we went to trial. At trial, the judge upheld the status quo and since he rejected the mediation agreement, the drug and alcohol safety net was never applied. I don't want to take time away from him, I just want to insure my daughter is safe while in his care.

    Another, somewhat related question. My daughter has a cell phone. I told her next time he drinks and drives to text me and I would call the sheriff. Is this out of line?

    Thanks again for taking the time to respond. It is definitely appreciated.
  • 06-21-2011, 12:50 PM
    cdwjava
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    Quote:

    Quoting MomofRWE
    View Post
    Another, somewhat related question. My daughter has a cell phone. I told her next time he drinks and drives to text me and I would call the sheriff. Is this out of line?

    Thanks again for taking the time to respond. It is definitely appreciated.

    It is not out of line, but it certainly puts your daughter into a potentially precarious position.

    If it is that much of a problem, depending on the age of the child, I would simply tell her not to go with daddy if he has been drinking. But, that can also create a lot of problems.

    I would hope this is the sort of thing the two of you could work out so that it does not require your daughter to be in the middle. But lacking that, you have to do whatever will insure her safety.
  • 06-21-2011, 01:02 PM
    MomofRWE
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    Quote:

    Quoting cdwjava
    View Post

    I would hope this is the sort of thing the two of you could work out so that it does not require your daughter to be in the middle.

    I know. It's tearing me up. Unfortunately, since the court case, he doesn't even speak to me. He communicates in 1 word texts about pick up and drop off and that is it. If I were to bring this up to him, he would shut me down immediately. I have told her not to get in a car (or boat) with him if she knows he's been drinking, but I think she is too intimidated to stand up for herself like that. He has her on the 4th of July and she has already stated they will be taking the boat out on the lake. I know there are sheriff patrol boats on the lake. I hope maybe they will catch him in the act. Then maybe he can get some help.

    Thank you cdwjava.
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