Can I Just Continue to Wait and See What Happens
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Maryland
I was divorced with two children ages 6 and 8 when I married my second husband. We also had two children. Without going into the entire background of this case, we split when our youngest was 3 months old due to my second husband (now my ex) abusing my then 10 year old daughter from my first marriage (his step-daughter). It all came as a shock and completely turned our (mine and my 4 kids) life upside down. As soon as I found out about the abuse, (like within 1 hour) he was gone; packed and gone!
Jump ahead a few years (and sparing you the gory details). …..He was arrested; plead guilty to lesser charge, finished probation and court ordered sex abuser therapy. I have sole legal and physical custody. He took me to court for visitation and from that it was decided to go through reunification therapy since he had not seen the kids for 2 years. That was about 1 ½ years ago. I met with the Dr. who is handling the reunification several times and learned that he (the Dr) would be doing the supervising for the visits and that I would also be present. Our order states that all issues regarding visitation are to be deferred to this Dr. and that the Dr. decides when and where visits take place. We had 4 visits between June 2010 and December 2010. Since then I have not heard from the court or the Dr. regarding any further visits. The other visits were scheduled between me and the Dr. , but I have not heard in 6 months about what is going on. However, my ex was constantly texting me to meet with him and discuss the children.
I am not able to deal with him…..just can’t seem to do it after what he did to my daughter and our family. It really makes my ill. My first ex husband and I co-parent very well together so I know how to do it….but this is different. Anyway, I blocked him from contacting my cell phone. I was required to give him my email address to use as his way of contacting me if needed. I have been ignoring his pleas to discuss our daughters; I just don’t even respond at all. The way I look at it is that since the order spells out the Dr. has the say with visitations, I should just wait to hear from the Dr. While I am a bit curious about what is going on and why the visits stopped, I actually prefer it that way; he has already hurt one of my children……
Do you think I am “safe” to just keep waiting to hear from the Dr and ignoring my ex’s pleas? I just don’t want to get hauled into court and have it sound that I am being uncooperative and risk losing sole custody to this person…..but I have heard of stranger things happening.
Re: Can I Just Continue to Wait and See What Happens
Honestly? By blocking his number and ignoring him, you might actually be setting yourself up for trouble. I've seen stranger things happen...
He can absolutely that you're deliberately and even perhaps maliciously interfering with his attempts to get back in touch with his children.
When was the last time YOU contacted the Dr?
What, word for word (minus names), do your most current orders actually say about who needs to contact who, etc.,?
Re: Can I Just Continue to Wait and See What Happens
The order states:
ORDERED that the defendants access to the minor children shall be supervised at all times; it is further
ORDERED the parties continue reunification therapy with Dr. X; it is further
ORDERED that the duration, frequency, location, and identity of the supervisors of defendants sccess with the children shall be designated by Dr. X until such time as he releases the parties from treatment; it is further
ORDERED that upon notice by Dr. X that he is going to release the parties and the children from treatment an evidentiary review hearing shall be held by the Circuit Court for X County within forty-five days.
So it doesn’t say who should be doing the contacting but this Dr. is my ex’s therapist.
The main reason I blocked him from my cell phone is because it was getting to be too much. He would text several times a day. And while, yes I could have turned my phone off, the main reason I have my cell is to be reached in an emergency. He is able to contact me through email and I have answered him through email. His last request about meeting about the kids and asking if I would allow him to have them for a birthday I simply, politely and professionally explained that wasn’t part of the courts order. His response was that he would have the Dr. set up another visit. That was 2 months ago. I have not ever contacted the Dr. about the visits, he calls me to set the time and place. My ex actually asked me not to call or see the Dr. without giving him advance notice since he is responsible for paying the Dr.
Re: Can I Just Continue to Wait and See What Happens
You have given your ex a means of communicating with you so I don't believe that you would be seen as being uncooperative. However, if he was simply texting you, then I would encourage you to consider unblocking him and limit your responses to any text messages that you receive. Then you will eliminate all concerns that you are not cooperating, and you may gain potential evidence, should you need it in the future. Just because he texts you, does not mean that you must reply.
As for contacting the Dr., given what you have provided from your order, and his request that you not contact his Dr. without his approval (which I hope was in writing), then I think that your best bet is to just sit back and wait. If your ex contacts you about seeing his children, then you should continue to reply (in writing) that he needs to coordinate the visits through his Dr. per your court order.
Re: Can I Just Continue to Wait and See What Happens
I do have that request in writing; its in an email he sent. It may seem childish of me to block his number, but it was really becoming a problem. If I didn't answer he would just keep sending the text over again. Thank you so much for your response!
Re: Can I Just Continue to Wait and See What Happens
Mom, this is where you've got to quite literally put on a thick coating and develop a really leathery skin when dealing with Dad's texts. Sometimes the best thing you can do is read them out loud to yourself, do a collective eyeroll and then smile.
I do agree that keeping the texts might be in your best interest though - 5 years ago it was markedly more difficult getting text messages admitted as evidence but these days? Not so much of a problem at all :)
Remember, as NDK says, you don't have to actually respond unless it pertains to the kids and you feel that a response is justified.
I'm a teeny bit wary of leaving everything in Dad's court though, simply because things are already quite restricted as they stand. A message to Dad might not be a bad thing.
(Thank you for your PM, btw - I do apologize for not "catching" your response to the thread!)
Re: Can I Just Continue to Wait and See What Happens
I have kept most of the text messages and recently responded to his email asking to see the kids with the message that we need to follow the Drs plan. He was angry and responded that I should get ready to spend one day a week with him, the dr. and the kids doing visitation for the next 6 months as the dr and the courts want it. That was 2 months ago and I have heard nothing about any visit with the dr.