Who Pays for the Paternity Test

My question involves paternity law for the State of: NY

The first time we attempted the paternity test, the mother did not swab our child's cheek correctly. I asked that we do it again, she refused. It would have cost me an additional $150 to send it in and possibly get back an inconclusive result. At the time I was strapped as it was because of the mother's choices.

It's taken her nearly a year to finally agree to a paternity test, but since we live in separate states the cost for a legal paternity test would be upwards of $450.

For 10 months she lied to me and I was under the assumption that there was no reason to doubt paternity when I signed.

I'm afraid that she would again attempt to thwart the paternity test, just out of spite so I asked that she pay for half. She refuses.

When going before the judge, would I be obligated to pay for a paternity test if the mother admitted herself to sleeping with other people around the time of conception?

If she sabotaged the first attempt?

Morally, the answer's obvious to me. Legally, well... that's why I'm here.

Thank you.

It will be you to pay for the test. You signed birth certificate. If it comes back you are not Dad, she may have to pay for it. How old is the child?

I cannot say with any certainty but most times I have heard who pays for what, it was the father if the test came back positive and the mother if it came back negative.

You also need to understand that your DIY DNA test is not acceptable to the courts. If you want to contest paternity, you have to file an action in court. They will order a test and it will be sampled by a certified lab technician. Chain of custody for a DNA test is just as critical as with a drug test.

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Quoting jk

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Chain of custody for a DNA test is just as critical as with a drug test.

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What does "chain of custody" mean?

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Quoting jacksmom

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It will be you to pay for the test. You signed birth certificate. If it comes back you are not Dad, she may have to pay for it. How old is the child?

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She's 14 months now

chain of custody: it is where the actual possession and control is under the control of the courts or an authorized agent so the sample cannot be adulterated in any way. That is why the only DNA test that means anything is one a court orders. The sample will be taken by an authorized technician and they will send it to a court authorized lab.


so, has anything actually been filed in court so paternity will be legally established? If not, there is no sense going through the DIY tests. While they will give you a probable result, it means nothing once you get into court.

No. I opted not to file for it because I don't feel I should have to bare the full cost. I'm holding out until (if ever) she files for child support and from what I've heard (since we were never married) the test would be a mandatory protocol by that point.

I just don't feel that it's my responsibility to get this resolved. It's tantamount to my having to pay for the defense lawyer of someone who robbed from me.

I didn't ask to be cheated on, lied to, made unaware such that I signed for paternity. Even at the time I signed, she too was not yet aware who the father was (I'd come to find out later).

I don't know what sort of baring that has on who is responsible for the test but, morally I am not culpable in any way. I was conned.

no, the test would not be mandatory. You already signed the AOP which means you are the father unless you challenge it. In some states, there is a limited period of time which to challenge the paternity. After that, you will remain dad even if you are not the biological father.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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No. I opted not to file for it because I don't feel I should have to bare the full cost. I'm holding out until (if ever) she files for child support and from what I've heard (since we were never married) the test would be a mandatory protocol by that point.

I just don't feel that it's my responsibility to get this resolved. It's tantamount to my having to pay for the defense lawyer of someone who robbed from me.

I didn't ask to be cheated on, lied to, made unaware such that I signed for paternity. Even at the time I signed, she too was not yet aware who the father was (I'd come to find out later).

I don't know what sort of baring that has on who is responsible for the test but, morally I am not culpable in any way. I was conned.

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Honestly?

The onus was on you. You had every opportunity to insist on a DNA test before signing that AoP. Legally, that's how the courts see it.

Is it fair? Personally I think it's lousy - and I think there should perhaps be recourse available to those who are deliberately misled and lied to.

However, that's not the way the law sees it right now.

I had no reason to believe she cheated. She was quite the liar. I would have never conceived it possible because we spent all of our time together. She gave me no indication before I signed.

By onus, I'm going to assume the law means that ALL people should act out of suspicion at ALL times, though having no evidence to support their suspicions? That's ridiculous.

By law, I am required to have unfounded paranoia. That's just not psychologically possible.

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Quoting jk

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no, the test would not be mandatory. You already signed the AOP which means you are the father unless you challenge it. In some states, there is a limited period of time which to challenge the paternity. After that, you will remain dad even if you are not the biological father.

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I would gladly go to jail on principle if a court attempted to enforce my paying child support to a child that ISN'T mine. I don't care what age or window of resolution was put on me. This limbo hell ride is of her own creation. Period.

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;526231]I had no reason to believe she cheated. She was quite the liar. I would have never conceived it possible because we spent all of our time together. She gave me no indication before I signed.

By onus, I'm going to assume the law means that ALL people should act out of suspicion at ALL times, though having no evidence to support their suspicions? That's ridiculous.

By law, I am required to have unfounded paranoia. That's just not psychologically possible.

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but you have since discovered you may not be the father. The law does require you to avail yourself of the opportunity to correct what might be an error within a reasonable time. If you set on your rights, there will be a point in time where you can no longer assert those rights.

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I would gladly go to jail on principle if a court attempted to enforce my paying child support to a child that ISN'T mine. I don't care what age or window of resolution was put on me. This limbo hell ride is of her own creation. Period.

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what you refuse to accept is: the child is yours so I guess that means you would have no problems paying child support as ordered by the court. That's good. After a certain point (and I haven't checked the germane states statutes) you may not be able to contest you having accepted paternity via the AOP. That would mean there would be no DNA test, nothing.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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I had no reason to believe she cheated. She was quite the liar. I would have never conceived it possible because we spent all of our time together. She gave me no indication before I signed.

By onus, I'm going to assume the law means that ALL people should act out of suspicion at ALL times, though having no evidence to support their suspicions? That's ridiculous.

By law, I am required to have unfounded paranoia. That's just not psychologically possible.



I would gladly go to jail on principle if a court attempted to enforce my paying child support to a child that ISN'T mine. I don't care what age or window of resolution was put on me. This limbo hell ride is of her own creation. Period.

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The child IS yours. Perhaps not biologically - but biology alone does not a parent make, necessarily.

Or would you think adoptive parents shouldn't be held financially responsible? It does more or less amount to the same thing.

You agreed, without proof of paternity, to accept legal responsibility for a child born out of wedlock.

As for being willing to go to jail - well, that's up to you. But you've also got to take some responsibility here, too.

I have not even spent one day alone with my child. I could understand if I'd had some part in raising her, but all I've done up to this point is sign a piece of paper under false pretenses on the mother's part.

Accepting responsibility in this scenario is no different then someone accepting responsibility for being mugged down a dark alley.

"I should not have walked down that alley your honor. I'm culpable in this person robbing me for my stupidity. Here, let me pay for their lawyer while I'm at it."

Legality, justice and morality need to have something to do with one another. They used to but no one seems to care much anymore, or enforce justice based on right and wrong.

Without principled stands, many Americans would still be without civil liberties today. Seems to me, more of that needs to be occurring in family court. If for no other reason, so the children learn right from wrong. Instead of being indoctrinated into another generation of hair splitters who justify callous behavior.

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Quoting jk

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but you have since discovered you may not be the father. The law does require you to avail yourself of the opportunity to correct what might be an error within a reasonable time. If you set on your rights, there will be a point in time where you can no longer assert those rights.



what you refuse to accept is: the child is yours so I guess that means you would have no problems paying child support as ordered by the court. That's good. After a certain point (and I haven't checked the germane states statutes) you may not be able to contest you having accepted paternity via the AOP. That would mean there would be no DNA test, nothing.

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I haven't refused to accept that. I gave her child support up until the point where she refused to take the paternity test. I'm 99% sure she's mine, but that 1% is enough to be done dealing with the mother.

I wouldn't be awarded any custody at this point anyway and so I've just postponed the inevitable.

In any event, our hearing is soon. She's attempting to take legal custody under false justifications. That's another question. What, if any ramifications are there for falsifying justifications for filing an action in family court? She said I didn't pay any child support. The "any" would be the lie. I can prove it as well. Anything? Eh?

Probably not. The only people who do wrong in this world have penises.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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I have not even spent one day alone with my child. I could understand if I'd had some part in raising her, but all I've done up to this point is sign a piece of paper under false pretenses on the mother's part.

Accepting responsibility in this scenario is no different then someone accepting responsibility for being mugged down a dark alley.

"I should not have walked down that alley your honor. I'm culpable in this person robbing me for my stupidity. Here, let me pay for their lawyer while I'm at it."

Legality, justice and morality need to have something to do with one another. They used to but no one seems to care much anymore, or enforce justice based on right and wrong.

Without principled stands, many Americans would still be without civil liberties today. Seems to me, more of that needs to be occurring in family court. If for no other reason, so the children learn right from wrong. Instead of being indoctrinated into another generation of hair splitters who justify callous behavior.

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You AGREED to take on responsibility of a child you did NOT know was your biological child.

That would be akin to walking up to the mugger and handing him your wallet before he said one word to you.

You had a choice - you didn't have to sign anything (and in fact I - amongst many others here - always advise unmarried possible fathers not to sign a darned thing UNTIL they get that DNA test. I kind of wish you'd come here while she was pregnant!). You could have petitioned for a paternity test. You chose not to do so.

The question of "Well, I shouldn't have to" isn't relevant, legally speaking. And at the end of the day, it is about legalities and not morality.

Incidentally, you have every right to file for visitation and be part of your child's life.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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I have not even spent one day alone with my child. I could understand if I'd had some part in raising her, but all I've done up to this point is sign a piece of paper under false pretenses on the mother's part.

Accepting responsibility in this scenario is no different then someone accepting responsibility for being mugged down a dark alley.

"I should not have walked down that alley your honor. I'm culpable in this person robbing me for my stupidity. Here, let me pay for their lawyer while I'm at it."

Legality, justice and morality need to have something to do with one another. They used to but no one seems to care much anymore, or enforce justice based on right and wrong.

Without principled stands, many Americans would still be without civil liberties today. Seems to me, more of that needs to be occurring in family court. If for no other reason, so the children learn right from wrong. Instead of being indoctrinated into another generation of hair splitters who justify callous behavior.



I haven't refused to accept that. I gave her child support up until the point where she refused to take the paternity test. I'm 99% sure she's mine, but that 1% is enough to be done dealing with the mother.

I wouldn't be awarded any custody at this point anyway and so I've just postponed the inevitable.

In any event, our hearing is soon. She's attempting to take legal custody under false justifications. That's another question. What, if any ramifications are there for falsifying justifications for filing an action in family court? She said I didn't pay any child support. The "any" would be the lie. I can prove it as well. Anything? Eh?

Probably not. The only people who do wrong in this world have penises.

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See, I was actually sympathetic until you added this bit. You're taking no responsibility for your situation :(

Now, moving onto custody - what is she saying, and what is false? It matters.

AOP Dad signed birth certificate, so the judge flat out told him he would pay for the test. He was contesting paternity therefore the burden of proof was on him. The test results came back as a zero probability and that was that. Judge ruled that mother was not responsible for the costs because he willingly signed the birth cetificate without question and only changed his mind when other family members threw a fit. It all came out in court. That's how my case went. Bio Dad tested, paid all costs and pays support on time. Sir, I understand where you are coming from. Please don't sit on your hands. You could be found the father if you do. If you truly want out, then get to court and get it straightened out. Doing nothing will cost more than $450.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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You AGREED to take on responsibility of a child you did NOT know was your biological child.

That would be akin to walking up to the mugger and handing him your wallet before he said one word to you.

You had a choice - you didn't have to sign anything (and in fact I - amongst many others here - always advise unmarried possible fathers not to sign a darned thing UNTIL they get that DNA test. I kind of wish you'd come here while she was pregnant!). You could have petitioned for a paternity test. You chose not to do so.

The question of "Well, I shouldn't have to" isn't relevant, legally speaking. And at the end of the day, it is about legalities and not morality.

Incidentally, you have every right to file for visitation and be part of your child's life.





See, I was actually sympathetic until you added this bit. You're taking no responsibility for your situation :(

Now, moving onto custody - what is she saying, and what is false? It matters.

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She's in a separate state.

I take responsibility for prolonging this, but not full responsibility. She did the crime, she should be the one to bend over backwards to correct it. Not me. We're no longer together and I did that bit enough when we were. Cleaning up after her messes. Everyone has a breaking point.

I'm not sure what you're asking regarding custody. I have visitation rights as it is. We have shared legal custody. She filed for visitation to change the venue to a different state, immediately after we had reached an agreement with the state of the child's birth about visitation. Because of this I've missed out on her 1st birthday.

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That would be akin to walking up to the mugger and handing him your wallet before he said one word to you.

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I don't see it that way. More akin to hoping your wife doesn't cut you in bed. Then she does, and you're responsible for her violent action against you because you married her and trusted her.

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Quoting jacksmom

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AOP Dad signed birth certificate, so the judge flat out told him he would pay for the test. He was contesting paternity therefore the burden of proof was on him. The test results came back as a zero probability and that was that. Judge ruled that mother was not responsible for the costs because he willingly signed the birth cetificate without question and only changed his mind when other family members threw a fit. It all came out in court. That's how my case went. Bio Dad tested, paid all costs and pays support on time. Sir, I understand where you are coming from. Please don't sit on your hands. You could be found the father if you do. If you truly want out, then get to court and get it straightened out. Doing nothing will cost more than $450.

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This will be sorted out in a couple of weeks. We go before the judge. (Me by phone) but I'm the respondent now and this was one of the matters she covered in her justification for the hearing. She wants to take legal custody or have me surrender it.

Here's how it goes. I won't give up legal custody because I'm 99% sure she is mine and when that day comes where I have a chance of getting her... I'll be needing that legal custody to do so.

I won't pay child support because that 1% uncertainty still lingers. And more uncertainty with the mother not sabotaging the test.

I don't have the money or means to hire a lawyer so if you could direct me to the appropriate papers for filing in Albany, I would greatly appreciate it and do so after the hearing.

Thanks again everyone for your help. Thanks for this site as well.

Can I ask a silly question?

Why do you think you shouldn't support your child?

You want it both ways? You want legal custody...but not legal responsibility?

I'm honestly confused here.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Can I ask a silly question?

Why do you think you shouldn't support your child?

You want it both ways? You want legal custody...but not legal responsibility?

I'm honestly confused here.

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I want my child is what I want.

I don't want to be treated like a distant relative or a criminal.

I don't want to be treated like a sperm bank.

I don't want to be treated like an Atm.

I don't want my daughter to devalue relationships like her mother does because the law is encouraging her to get away with it.

I don't want her growing up that way. I'd want her to know that people will hold her to account when she does something wrong and place blame where it belongs.

I'd want her to formulate a conscience that makes sense in life, not just in a court room.

This woman legally kidnapped our child. She took her to a place with no economic promise for me and knew exactly what she was doing when she left me high and dry with mounting bills to pay. She then continues to feel entitled to my livelihood without any assurances that I will ever have a moments peace with my daughter or take part in raising her. I did nothing to this woman to deserve this treatment and our daughter did nothing to deserve an incomplete life.

What I'd want is justice, even handed fairness. It is really that simple.

If I had cheated on her I would take responsibility. If I had impregnated another woman, I would take responsibility. Is that really so much to ask?

If I were a woman who did what she did, I would make the effort to make right the people I had wronged. I would not take without asking and then expect more.

She took my child, my livelihood, my basic faith in people away. She has not sought to restore that but only take more... as though it were owed to her.

What's owed to my daughter is her father.... not exclusively the money he makes.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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I want my child is what I want.

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And you have visitation. You want more? You have options.

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I don't want to be treated like a distant relative or a criminal.

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As an unwed father, unfortunately you have to jump through extra hoops to get more parenting time and/or physical custody than you would if you had been married to Mom.

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I don't want to be treated like a sperm bank.

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You weren't.

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I don't want to be treated like an Atm.

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You would be supporting your child. I'm not sure why she's not deserving of that support.

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I don't want my daughter to devalue relationships like her mother does because the law is encouraging her to get away with it.

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So get involved with her life. Teach her what YOU want her to know. What beliefs YOU think should be instilled. FIGHT to be part of her life! This is an active CHOICE you can make.

(Or not)

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I don't want her growing up that way. I'd want her to know that people will hold her to account when she does something wrong and place blame where it belongs.

I'd want her to formulate a conscience that makes sense in life, not just in a court room.

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So do it!

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This woman legally kidnapped our child.

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No, she didn't. No kidnapping took place here - legally, Mom was entitled to go wherever she wanted to with the child. And YOU had every right to fight it.

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She took her to a place with no economic promise for me and knew exactly what she was doing when she left me high and dry with mounting bills to pay. She then continues to feel entitled to my livelihood without any assurances that I will ever have a moments peace with my daughter or take part in raising her. I did nothing to this woman to deserve this treatment and our daughter did nothing to deserve an incomplete life.

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None of this answered my question - why do you think you shouldn't support your child?

I'm truly not being argumentative or difficult here - but you're focusing so much on how bad Mom instead of what's truly important.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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And you have visitation. You want more? You have options.





As an unwed father, unfortunately you have to jump through extra hoops to get more parenting time and/or physical custody than you would if you had been married to Mom.





You weren't.




You would be supporting your child. I'm not sure why she's not deserving of that support.




So get involved with her life. Teach her what YOU want her to know. What beliefs YOU think should be instilled. FIGHT to be part of her life! This is an active CHOICE you can make.

(Or not)





So do it!





No, she didn't. No kidnapping took place here - legally, Mom was entitled to go wherever she wanted to with the child. And YOU had every right to fight it.




None of this answered my question - why do you think you shouldn't support your child?

I'm truly not being argumentative or difficult here - but you're focusing so much on how bad Mom instead of what's truly important.

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It's all truly important. She's important but so is the way in which we choose to fight our battles. I can't expand all my energy and continually be shot down. I can't exhaust my bank account because her mother wants to inconvenience anyone who opposes her choices. I'm not the mother's father also. I shouldn't be the one to impart lessons of morality onto her. That was her parent's responsibility and they obviously did not do a smashing job of it. Our judicial system will do even less a job of it and it is frustrating to know I have more of a moral claim to our child than her mother ever did, and that that will never be awarded appropriately nor imparted where it belongs (with the next generation). Instead the cycle continues to make cynics out of half of us and users out of the other half. It's all important.

Alright then.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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It's all truly important. She's important but so is the way in which we choose to fight our battles. I can't expand all my energy and continually be shot down. I can't exhaust my bank account because her mother wants to inconvenience anyone who opposes her choices. I'm not the mother's father also. I shouldn't be the one to impart lessons of morality onto her. That was her parent's responsibility and they obviously did not do a smashing job of it. Our judicial system will do even less a job of it and it is frustrating to know I have more of a moral claim to our child than her mother ever did, and that that will never be awarded appropriately nor imparted where it belongs (with the next generation). Instead the cycle continues to make cynics out of half of us and users out of the other half. It's all important.

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so you would rather come to a forum and whine about things rather than doing what you can to be in your child's life.

Well, apologies for the whining... but honestly let's all come off it. The courts are not set up to nurture paternal relationships with children, no matter the circumstances. When it's all said and done, an annexed father is powerless to do much more than whine. He's defeated before he even has a chance to state his case.

I am not just a wallet and I will not enable her mother to be successful in her endeavor to make sure I am permanently gone. It was her poor choices that I warned against. She didn't listen and now she's learning. You can't raise a child by yourself.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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Well, apologies for the whining... but honestly let's all come off it. The courts are not set up to nurture paternal relationships with children, no matter the circumstances.

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Oh BS. A friend of mine actually won custody away from the mother of his child and this was with child less than a year old. If you give up before you start, you'll never get anywhere.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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Well, apologies for the whining... but honestly let's all come off it. The courts are not set up to nurture paternal relationships with children, no matter the circumstances. When it's all said and done, an annexed father is powerless to do much more than whine. He's defeated before he even has a chance to state his case.

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Horse poo.

However, I WILL say that this is what happens when you have a child out of wedlock. We know who Mom is - because she birthed the child. But we don't necessarily know who Dad is (unless Mom was kept chained in the basement 24/7). So, without the legal protection and benefits of marriage, the putative father must go through extra hoops.

And that's a choice both he and Mom have made - the only difference is, it affects him initially far more than her.

Also, let's be honest here - the majority of unwed fathers who find themselves "annexed", are there at least in part by their own actions.

So if you want to be Dad - get off your backside and BE Dad. That includes supporting the child (which you never did answer, by the way).

If you don't - get yourself to an attorney to see if you can challenge paternity.

Oh - and if it does come back with you being the father? You're footing the bill for the test.

With that, there's really not an awful lot more to be said here unless you had a different question?

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Horse poo.

However, I WILL say that this is what happens when you have a child out of wedlock. We know who Mom is - because she birthed the child. But we don't necessarily know who Dad is (unless Mom was kept chained in the basement 24/7). So, without the legal protection and benefits of marriage, the putative father must go through extra hoops.

And that's a choice both he and Mom have made - the only difference is, it affects him initially far more than her.

Also, let's be honest here - the majority of unwed fathers who find themselves "annexed", are there at least in part by their own actions.

So if you want to be Dad - get off your backside and BE Dad. That includes supporting the child (which you never did answer, by the way).

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Yes I did. I supported her up until the point when the mother refused the paternity test.

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Quoting jk

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Oh BS. A friend of mine actually won custody away from the mother of his child and this was with child less than a year old. If you give up before you start, you'll never get anywhere.

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I don't know the circumstances of that case.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Horse poo.

However, I WILL say that this is what happens when you have a child out of wedlock. We know who Mom is - because she birthed the child. But we don't necessarily know who Dad is (unless Mom was kept chained in the basement 24/7). So, without the legal protection and benefits of marriage, the putative father must go through extra hoops.

And that's a choice both he and Mom have made - the only difference is, it affects him initially far more than her.

Also, let's be honest here - the majority of unwed fathers who find themselves "annexed", are there at least in part by their own actions.

So if you want to be Dad - get off your backside and BE Dad. That includes supporting the child (which you never did answer, by the way).

If you don't - get yourself to an attorney to see if you can challenge paternity.

Oh - and if it does come back with you being the father? You're footing the bill for the test.

With that, there's really not an awful lot more to be said here unless you had a different question?

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Why is sadism and narcissism on the rise?

Because we defend deviants.

It doesn't "include", it excludes all else besides the money. Just money and little else. I will likely get no more than 6 weeks out of a year with my own child and this is no boo hoo. It's reality.

What a corrupt system. Everyone knows it and anyone involved in it's survival will never admit it because an admission of failure towards fathers in this world means their pockets aren't getting lined. Hope and the justice system are mutually exclusive when it comes to children and their fathers.

To answer your somewhat flippant question...

..perhaps if more absent NCPs supported their children, the CPs would be able to provide a healthier environment for those kids? Hmmmm?

Seriously - you're doing nothing but venting now. And this is not the correct forum for that. You've got an agenda - we get that, we really do. But please, take it elsewhere.

If you have another LEGAL question, go right ahead.

(For what its worth - on another forum, we've had a regular poster whose child literally WAS ripped from him, and he's been fighting ever since. He messed up initially, in no small part because of his attitude. But after months of being told what to do and fighting us on it, he actually emailed me a couple of days ago...he's choosing to move to the state where Mom and kiddo now live. He's willing to sacrifice what he has, and downsize, in order to be a regular part of his child's life. He's finally putting his ego to bed, and doing the right thing. I'm just saying.)

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pleadingfather;526298]Yes I did. I supported her up until the point when the mother refused the paternity test.

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Oh, even though you are 99% sure this is your child (and legally, it is your child) somehow because the mother refused to take a meaningless DNA test, the child no longer deserves support from her father. All of a sudden it looks like you are the bad guy here, and by your choice and without any justification. Yep, that's a real dad.:rolleyes:

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I don't know the circumstances of that case.

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but you know the circumstances of every other case in the US so you can unequivocally state:

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The courts are not set up to nurture paternal relationships with children, no matter the circumstances.

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and notice, you said: no matter the circumstances so whether you knew the circumstances of my friends situation or not, it would make no difference.

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Why is sadism and narcissism on the rise?

Because we defend deviants.

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Oh here we go. Woe is me.

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It doesn't "include", it excludes all else besides the money. Just money and little else. I will likely get no more than 6 weeks out of a year with my own child and this is no boo hoo. It's reality.

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and I don't know your circumstances.

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What a corrupt system. Everyone knows it and anyone involved in it's survival will never admit it because an admission of failure towards fathers in this world means their pockets aren't getting lined. Hope and the justice system are mutually exclusive when it comes to children and their fathers.

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and yet there are thousands of fathers out there that are quite happy with what the courts have ordered in their situation. You are the one refusing to utilize the courts to place and enforce any rules here. You are the one that is allowing yourself to be under the thumb of the mother. Then, instead of doing something about it, you whine.

So... to sum this whole thread up for the younger viewers, not yet in the real world and still believing in a measure of goodness and innocence:

If someones cheats on you, extorts money out of you and your time... it's your fault - legally.

There really is no other way to this. If you are placing the lawsuit, complaint, etc. you will be the one to pay. my father personaly has gone through many paternity tests after his marriage with my mother, and aside from any legal support, you may contact me for other support as well.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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So... to sum this whole thread up for the younger viewers, not yet in the real world and still believing in a measure of goodness and innocence:

If someones cheats on you, extorts money out of you and your time... it's your fault - legally.

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Reality check:

This OP did NOT practice due diligence, did NOT exercise the available options, and willingly and voluntarily signed an AoP WITHOUT having proof of paternity.

He wants the child - but not the financial responsibility.

THAT is the summary of this thread, to be perfectly blunt.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Reality check:

This OP did NOT practice due diligence, did NOT exercise the available options, and willingly and voluntarily signed an AoP WITHOUT having proof of paternity.

He wants the child - but not the financial responsibility.

THAT is the summary of this thread, to be perfectly blunt.

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Due diligence - in the modern sense of this idiom means, be suspicious of everyone. Especially those you choose to share your life with and surrender your trust to. In other words, never relinquish yourself to happiness but be cynical at all times. Never entrust your heart to the silly notion of mutual respect (as though you're afforded this right on assumption of basic humanity).

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Quoting pleadingfather

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Due diligence - in the modern sense of this idiom means, be suspicious of everyone. Especially those you choose to share your life with and surrender your trust to. In other words, never relinquish yourself to happiness but be cynical at all times. Never entrust your heart to the silly notion of mutual respect (as though you're afforded this right on assumption of basic humanity).

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There's always the old-fashioned option of marrying the mother BEFORE having the child.

That would have put you on an equal footing from the get-go. Radical idea, I know.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Reality check:

This OP did NOT practice due diligence, did NOT exercise the available options, and willingly and voluntarily signed an AoP WITHOUT having proof of paternity.

He wants the child - but not the financial responsibility.

THAT is the summary of this thread, to be perfectly blunt.

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Be careful. I think you're tending to take a subjective view now and are putting words into my mouth. I never skirted responsibility, it was taken from me.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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If someones cheats on you, extorts money out of you and your time... it's your fault - legally.

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extortion? How?



you had the right to not send money until a court set an amount to pay. You chose to sidestep the courts, for whatever reason, yet now you are claiming she extorted money from you. You had the right to file for custody of the child or at least for an established visitation schedule yet you refused.

Only when you demanded she provide a DNA test (which would be meaningless in court anyway) and she refused did you decide to terminate whatever you were giving for support. For some reason, I'm not seeing her as the bad guy here. While she might have cheated on you, once you learned of that, the ball was in your court and rather than play it, you left it lay. That is your fault. So, either do what you have the right to do or not but if you don't, you have no reason to whine about the situation.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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There's always the old-fashioned option of marrying the mother BEFORE having the child.

That would have put you on an equal footing from the get-go. Radical idea, I know.

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She didn't believe in marriage. Lesson learned.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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Be careful. I think you're tending to take a subjective view now and are putting words into my mouth. I never skirted responsibility, it was taken from me.

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Read your own words.

Again.

You said you WILL not support the child.

*shrug*.

We only go by what YOU tell us.

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extortion? How?

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From point of conception, up until after the birth.... I was not made aware of the circumstances. IF she is NOT mine, I would have grounds to file a civil suit.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Read your own words.

Again.

You said you WILL not support the child.

*shrug*.

We only go by what YOU tell us.

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Philosophically speaking, we all draw from personal experiences. I do not wish to withhold my child's welfare. I choose NOT to enable her mother's robbery of her.

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=pleadingfather;526317]From point of conception, up until after the birth.... I was not made aware of the circumstances. IF she is NOT mine, I would have grounds to file a civil suit.

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a civil suit? For what? Remember, you are on the BC and unless she is absolutely certain it is not your child, it isn't fraud.

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Philosophically speaking, we all draw from personal experiences. I do not wish to withhold my child's welfare. I choose NOT to enable her mother's robbery of he

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the courts don't care what you want to call it. You will be required to send money to the mother under the intent it is child support. What the mother does with the money really isn't much of your business.

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Quoting VivianaCardenas

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There really is no other way to this. If you are placing the lawsuit, complaint, etc. you will be the one to pay. my father personaly has gone through many paternity tests after his marriage with my mother, and aside from any legal support, you may contact me for other support as well.

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Thank you for this. I missed it.

I think this will be resolved shortly. She filed for taking legal custody, so we'll see how it goes from there. The truth will come out and hopefully we can all move forward in the ways most optimum to everyone involved. Including, in no small measure - her other half of the family who has also been alienated from their granddaughter, niece, grand niece.

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Quoting pleadingfather

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From point of conception, up until after the birth.... I was not made aware of the circumstances. IF she is NOT mine, I would have grounds to file a civil suit.

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No you wouldn't.

Really.

Should you? That's not the question. But would you be able to? Nope.

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Philosophically speaking, we all draw from personal experiences. I do not wish to withhold my child's welfare. I choose NOT to enable her mother's robbery of her.

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In other words - you're choosing your anger at Mom over your child's welfare.