How to Hyphenate My Children's Last Name Without Dad's Consent

My question involves name change laws in the State of: New York. I would like to add my last name (not a married name) to my childrens name by hyphenating. I have no contact information for the father and he does not pay child support. My children came to me stating that they wished they had my last name. How can I get this done in the state of New York without the consent of the dead beat dad?

You either get permission, or request permission from the court.

Dad will generally need to be served - and if you don't know where he is, you may need an attorney to help you.

You might also question the wisdom of doing this. It might make you feel better about yourself to do this, but it is not a sustainable custom. Imagine your hyphenated child marries a person with a hyphenated name and they insist on hyphenating their childrens' names. You could end up with a John Smith-Brown-Jones-Wilson. See the problem? Hyphenating is often about the parent's feelings and desires, not about the best interest of the child.

If it isn't that way on the birth certificate, it will take a court order. It matters not what ever societal customs you want to apply, there are well-defied legal means for determining a legal name. Deciding you want to be trendy isn't one of them.

Given that Dad is a no-show no-pay deadbeat and that the kids want your name not his name, I don't understand why you want them to keep Dad's last name as part of a hyphenated last name. Are you really interested in what the kids want/what's good for the kids, or are you (as another responder has suggested) just using this as an excuse to be trendy?

I think that was her question, how to do it legally without the father's permission. But then there's the issue that just because you can legally do something, should you?

In order to get the name changed, the father will need to be notified. If he wishes to force the issue it won't happen. If he can't be bothered to respond to the court, it will slide (regardless of his stated wishes). Being a dead beat had no bearing on the issue (other than it might discourage him from showing in court). If he's unlocatable, some courts will allow the notification to be done by publication.