Seeking Joint Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: South Carolina

My wife and I are discussing divorce now and she seems pretty set on being the custodial parent of our 8 year old boy. My issue with this is I want joint Custody, as it is right now I am the one that gives him his shower/bath every night and gets him ready for bed, I am also the one that wakes him in the morning and takes him to school every day.

Are these items that the Judge will take into consideration? It is not a support issue because I am more than willing to pay full Child Support based on her having custody but I don't want to see my son every other weekend.

Our divorce is not based on abuse or adultery, we just can't agree on anything and to be honest, I am a financial moron.. I like my toys. :)

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Quoting rhodes

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: South Carolina

My wife and I are discussing divorce now and she seems pretty set on being the custodial parent of our 8 year old boy. My issue with this is I want joint Custody, as it is right now I am the one that gives him his shower/bath every night and gets him ready for bed, I am also the one that wakes him in the morning and takes him to school every day.

Are these items that the Judge will take into consideration? It is not a support issue because I am more than willing to pay full Child Support based on her having custody but I don't want to see my son every other weekend.

Our divorce is not based on abuse or adultery, we just can't agree on anything and to be honest, I am a financial moron.. I like my toys. :)

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A literal 50-50 timeshare is unlikely if Mom isn't in agreement.

Do you both work?

Yes we both work full time.

How does Mom feel about 50-50? Assuming you're going to remain living close together, do you think she'd consider a 4-3-3-4 schedule or similar? That's not a horrid schedule for an 8 year old, and would ensure that you both get equal time with kiddo.

If it does end up going to court, the judge will take many factors into account, such as who has been the primary caregiver (that appears at least on the surface to be you, but I'd expect Mom to argue that it's her) and various other things such as each parent's ability to provide a stable home for the child. All things being equal, it could honestly go either way.

And that is what scares me. Everyone that knows us, even her friends know how I am with him. I know in many cases custody becomes a child support issue but I have no problem with paying full support to ensure that she can afford to keep a decent roof over his head. She is a control freak though. She only gets him ready for bed and school if I am sick, other than that it has been me since he was a baby, her claim is it hurts her back.. But she can still go dancing with the girls LOL. I am hoping that offering to pay support based on her having full custody while actually agreeing to shared custody will sway her my way. Otherwise this is going to get ugly.

On the up side our state does not have a legal separation agreement and I doubt she would wait the required 12 months before dating...

Please don't assume that Mom dating while you're separated will affect a custody determination...

I won't assume anything.. but every little thing helps. LOL

Hon, please don't take this the wrong way.

But it doesn't help, and it's really truly best to get out of that mindset.

Because if you walk into court slinging mud in Mom's direction, you'll be showing the judge that you too have dirty hands.

It's NEVER a good idea to turn a custody determination into a "This is why Mom is bad....this is why I'm good..." situation. For example, you've indicated that you're not financially responsible - that your priorities might be questionable.

Mom could easily question your ability to offer your son financial stability....see where I'm going there?

I don't plan to sling any mud, as far as financial stability I make 3x what she does. I really don't want to take custody and I am not trying to get out of paying support. In fact I will offer her full child support (As if she had custody). All I want is equal time with my son. I have been the primary care giver since he was born.. Not saying she is a bad mom but I cook 90% of the meals and spend 95% of my time with him.

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Quoting rhodes

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I don't plan to sling any mud, as far as financial stability I make 3x what she does. I really don't want to take custody and I am not trying to get out of paying support. In fact I will offer her full child support (As if she had custody). All I want is equal time with my son. I have been the primary care giver since he was born.. Not saying she is a bad mom but I cook 90% of the meals and spend 95% of my time with him.

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Earning more doesn't equate to financial stability - per your first post :)


I do think a chat with an attorney is in your best interest. As a general rule the court is unlikely to order a 50-50 timeshare unless both parents agree to it, since it requires both parents to be on the same page completely.

Have you discussed the various ways of doing 50-50 with Mom?