Visitation Against the Wishes of a 14 Year Old

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Michigan (Macomb County)

My son is 14 and 2 years ago he refused, and did not want to go to his dads everyother weekend. He did see his dad periodically for the 1st year, but their were uncomfortable things going on and he hasn't been back in 1 year. He will not answer his dads calls. Dad only calls his phone.

He would like to change his name, and have my husband adopt him. Which of course isn't a problem. The issue is that we needed dad to sign a Visa form for a trip in June. He refuses unless my son sees him. He refused and asked for a work around. I am trying to have the courts issue me the ability to get a visa without him, but I found out today that their is a possibility that a judge could make my son see him. He is a high functioning autistic child who is in counseling. Is this even possible?? My understanding was at 14 they listened to the minor?

Listening to a child's preference and allowing the child to make a binding decision are not the same thing. The judge *may* listen to what a 14 year old has to say but there's no guarantee that means that the 14 year old will get what he wants. When he is 18, he can make up his own mind. Until then, the court decides and the court order is BINDING. It is not a suggestion. It is an order.

So yes, it is not just possible, it is probable if there is already an order in place, that the judge will order your son to see his dad.

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Quoting taps23

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Michigan (Macomb County)

My son is 14 and 2 years ago he refused, and did not want to go to his dads everyother weekend. He did see his dad periodically for the 1st year, but their were uncomfortable things going on and he hasn't been back in 1 year. He will not answer his dads calls. Dad only calls his phone.

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Why aren't you enforcing the visitation?

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He would like to change his name, and have my husband adopt him. Which of course isn't a problem.

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Why do you think that's not a problem? Is Dad in agreement?

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The issue is that we needed dad to sign a Visa form for a trip in June. He refuses unless my son sees him. He refused and asked for a work around. I am trying to have the courts issue me the ability to get a visa without him, but I found out today that their is a possibility that a judge could make my son see him. He is a high functioning autistic child who is in counseling. Is this even possible?? My understanding was at 14 they listened to the minor?

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At 14 his wishes would likely be heard for CUSTODY - but for visitation? Far less likely. You, as Mom, actually have a responsibility to encourage the relationship between your son and his father.

Have you actually petitioned the court yet in terms of the visa/passport issue?

Your 14 year old has no say in visitation. Some parents do not understand they can be found in contempt for taking the attitude they can just sit back and allow their child to refuse to visit.

You have a responsibility to ensure that your child is available for the father during the scheduled visitation times the father chooses to exercise.

Your son has no say in changing his name. If his father disagrees with this, it simply will not happen.

The father should not have to barter signing a visa to have access to his child. If he wises up and speaks to an attorney, you may find yourself in court for interfering with his visitation to his son. And you may not be prepared for the response you get from the court on this.

The only communicationt that he has had is when I call him and let him know how the child is doing. It isn't like he is coming to the door to pick him up and I will not let him in. Psssh...

Honestly, do you think that not allowing the child to take the trip is going to help their relationship. Not so much!

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Quoting taps23

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The only communicationt that he has had is when I call him and let him know how the child is doing.

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Maybe that's because the son won't answer his father's calls and you aren't ensuring that he does.

Oh for the love of pete.

He doesn't call the house, he texts or calls the teenagers phone. Should I hang on to his phone and screen his calls. Look, this isn't attack the mom question. What should we do, pull him by his hair and drop him off. Then gee, he can leave and nobody can find him. That is intelligent.

You are obviously a bitter man who has a bad relationship with your child too.

Rosie, the fact of the matter is, no matter how you slice it, at 14 this is not your son's decision. It is not a court suggestion, it is a court order. Until or unless the judge in the case reverses the visitation order and specifies that your son no longer needs to visit his dad, which I must warn you is unlikely to happen based on what you have posted, the boy has no choice in the matter and YOU are likely to end up under a contempt of court order if you do not find some method of getting him there.

This is not an attack. This is not a judgement. This is simply telling you what the law says. Legally, the law is on Dad's side here.

I am not enforcing information because of the following reasons:
1. The child and bio dad have huge issues between the two of them. The child is in counseling, and is dealing with his issues. The dad really isn't pushing the issue as he knows the lash out the child has. This was causing issues at school, amongst other things.

2. I, as mom have called him regularly to let him know how he is doing etc. Other than that, bio dad will only contact child via his phone. Most times I didn't even know this was going on until after the fact.

3. Last communication with bio dad and child it was said that child needed to call dad when he decided he wanted to be part of the family.

4. Child fears dad

As far as your question back to me with the adoption:
I don't feel this is a problem because the child reasoning behind it makes sense. He wants an enhanced sense of belonging. He feels this is his family, and he doesn't nor does he have intentions of seeing him. Bio dad recently has acutally brought up the adoption...child support. Nothing really changes with the adoption except for the check every month. (his words).

As far as the visa goes, as long as we move forward with the adoption he will sign the visa papers.

As far as my need to encourage a relationship, I did that for a lot of years. For the best interest of the two of them. Once he hit about 12, he had a voice and let it be heard. I understand what you are stating but I can't pack up his diaper bag and drop him off anymore. He is bigger than me :)
Thanks...

I don't take what you said as an attack at all.

I may be naive, and will be spending a lot of money with a laywer but I have counselors and educators and many more with how this isn't in the childs best interest.
He is a high functioning autistic, which is a book in itself.

I do hope that one day bio and him will be able to look at eachother for 2 minutes without force. In the meantime, I am looking out for my kid...

He may be bigger but you are *still* the parent. If he says he doesn't want to go to school you still make him go, no?

If your current husband adopts your child, your ex will no longer be legally obligated to pay child support and you will not get a court to either issue or enforce a child support order against him because legally he will no longer BE the father. Your current husband will become legal father with all of the rights and responsibilities therein.

Edited to add: If he is in arrears w/child support those monies will still be owed unless otherwise waived. However, there will be no legal obligation to pay current support until the child would normally have aged out.

I was being sarcastic in regards to the "bigger" statement, but I think you knew that.

I fully understand about the child support. This isn't about the money, it is about the well being of a child. Money even being part of this decision is shallow. In my opinion.

Thanks

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Quoting taps23

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I am not enforcing information because of the following reasons:
1. The child and bio dad have huge issues between the two of them. The child is in counseling, and is dealing with his issues. The dad really isn't pushing the issue as he knows the lash out the child has. This was causing issues at school, amongst other things.

2. I, as mom have called him regularly to let him know how he is doing etc. Other than that, bio dad will only contact child via his phone. Most times I didn't even know this was going on until after the fact.

3. Last communication with bio dad and child it was said that child needed to call dad when he decided he wanted to be part of the family.

4. Child fears dad

As far as your question back to me with the adoption:
I don't feel this is a problem because the child reasoning behind it makes sense. He wants an enhanced sense of belonging. He feels this is his family, and he doesn't nor does he have intentions of seeing him. Bio dad recently has acutally brought up the adoption...child support. Nothing really changes with the adoption except for the check every month. (his words).

As far as the visa goes, as long as we move forward with the adoption he will sign the visa papers.

As far as my need to encourage a relationship, I did that for a lot of years. For the best interest of the two of them. Once he hit about 12, he had a voice and let it be heard. I understand what you are stating but I can't pack up his diaper bag and drop him off anymore. He is bigger than me :)
Thanks...

I don't take what you said as an attack at all.

I may be naive, and will be spending a lot of money with a laywer but I have counselors and educators and many more with how this isn't in the childs best interest.
He is a high functioning autistic, which is a book in itself.

I do hope that one day bio and him will be able to look at eachother for 2 minutes without force. In the meantime, I am looking out for my kid...

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You need an attorney.

I am not going to attack you but I can see what the others are saying in a sense. From my what I have seen with my man and dealing with his ex she just outright put the kids in the middle by saying he is this and that cause he wont kiss her butt in nice words and has just been telling the kids everything from oh he was this and that when we were married to he still owes this amount in back support. Now due to her putting the kids in the middle the oldest wants nothing to do with her mom and lives with us and the other two are playing games and having issues. She has kept the kids from him several times and is about to get charged with contempt. Anyways all I know is I have seen a judge tell another you make the child go even if they are kicking and screaming and that was in Michigan. My man just wants the stuff to stop in his case and everyone get along but his ex has this control issue going on that she wants to have control over him at all times regarding everything and it is majorly messing up the kids. I know not everyones situation can be like mine is with my ex where everyone gets along for the best interest of the child. I wish cause I tell you it makes things so much easier and less stressful.

This is not an attack.

This is the reality. The child did not sign the visitation order. The child was not bound by the visitation order. The parents are... and MOM will be held in contempt of court and can be fined and even jailed for her failure to comply.

This is despite everything you listed. You do not get to pick and choose which parts of the court order you comply with.

You, OP, have assisted in removing him as a father by not complying. As the dad, I would see this rejection for a visa as a means to bring the attention to court.

You will not like court. Judges don't like parents that say silly things like, "my child didn't want to go so I said okay". You make your child do things he doesn't want every day. Why are all those things more important than his relationship with his father?