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Can My Mother Stop Me from Dating My 20yo Boyfreind Even if We Have't Had Sex

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  • 03-03-2011, 05:24 PM
    ivannking831
    Can My Mother Stop Me from Dating My 20yo Boyfreind Even if We Have't Had Sex
    I'm 16yo and I live in California. My boyfriend is 20yo and we've been dating for almost a year now. In the beginning everything was fine, my mother knew we were dating, she allowed us to date, she allowed him in the house, she allowed me to go out with him, she had no problem with him. But throughout the months she began letting me go out with him less and less, and at one point she found a condom in my pocket which I had forgotten from my sex-ed class at school, automatically assumed we were having sex because of it and she restricted our contact to only once a week. Recently we had an argument and she forbid him to come over anymore as punishment. We have been arguing more because of it and she is threatening to file a restraining order against him if I don't behave.

    My question is can my mother get a restraining order against him without proof that we are even seeing each other anymore? And can she get him in trouble for rape, when we have never had sex and she has no proof of it?

    I mean I want to continue seeing him behind her back, but she will think I'm out with my friends, if we don't get caught can she still get him in trouble just for assuming I'm with him even though she doesn't know for sure? And if she can file a restraining order and she screws up our whole relationship, I'll stop seeing him, but I'm pretty much going to stop doing what she says, but I'm afraid if I make her too mad she can get him sent to jail for having sex with me even though we never had. I just don't want him to get in trouble for my actions and I want to know if he really can if my mom lies enough...
  • 03-03-2011, 05:30 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Can My Mother Stop Me from Dating My 20yo Boyfreind Even if We Have't Had Sex
    The short answer is yes.

    Your parents can obtain a restraining order against your boyfriend even if you're not having sex.

    You need to understand something here. Until you're 18, your parents' word is GOD. You do what they say, and that's it - they have COMPLETE control over who you're allowed to see.

    Complete.

    Obviously they can't enforce everything 24/7...but if you seriously think you can circumvent your Mom's wishes, you're gravely mistaken.
  • 03-03-2011, 05:38 PM
    cdwjava
    Re: Can My Mother Stop Me from Dating My 20yo Boyfreind Even if We Have't Had Sex
    Quote:

    Quoting ivannking831
    View Post
    and at one point she found a condom in my pocket which I had forgotten from my sex-ed class at school,

    Did you REALLY think she would have believed that story? Really?

    I have teenagers and I wouldn't.

    So, even on the very off chance that the story is true, it would be enough to make ANY parent balk at any future relationship with this guy.

    Oh, and if the two of you ARE having sex, it is a FELONY for him to do so, and depending on what sexual acts you two have engaged in, he could end up on the state's sex offender registration list for life! Intercourse is not the only act that is a crime for him to engage in.

    Quote:

    automatically assumed we were having sex because of it and she restricted our contact to only once a week.
    You're lucky she allowed even that much contact.

    Quote:

    Recently we had an argument and she forbid him to come over anymore as punishment. We have been arguing more because of it and she is threatening to file a restraining order against him if I don't behave.
    Well, it may be difficult for her to get a TRO against him unless HE is taking steps to see you or encourage you to disobey your parents. But, she has every legal right to control who you see.

    Quote:

    My question is can my mother get a restraining order against him without proof that we are even seeing each other anymore? And can she get him in trouble for rape, when we have never had sex and she has no proof of it?
    To the first question: Maybe. To the second: Not likely.

    Quote:

    I mean I want to continue seeing him behind her back, but she will think I'm out with my friends, if we don't get caught can she still get him in trouble just for assuming I'm with him even though she doesn't know for sure?
    Ah, so you intend to engage in a campaign of deception. How "mature."

    By doing this deception game, you are putting this adult into a very precarious position. He can be charged with contributing to your delinquency by engaging in this stupid practice of meeting with you against your mom's wishes.

    Quote:

    And if she can file a restraining order and she screws up our whole relationship, I'll stop seeing him, but I'm pretty much going to stop doing what she says,
    Legally, you have little choice int hat regard. If you become incorrigible, the state might be forced to step in ... how do you like group homes? Foster care? Juvenile hall?

    Quote:

    I just don't want him to get in trouble for my actions and I want to know if he really can if my mom lies enough...
    If you do not want him to get in trouble, do not see him behind mom's back. But, you're a teenager, you're "in love" and you will do whatever you want. Hopefully this adult is smart enough to realize that it is HIS life that you are gambling with, and he will understand that HE can go to prison if this goes too far.
  • 03-27-2011, 12:49 PM
    SonOfTheLaw
    Re: Can My Mother Stop Me from Dating My 20yo Boyfreind Even if We Have't Had Sex
    In terms of legal options; not morality or what's spiritually right or wrong; they both could technically move to another state where the age of consent is 16.

    In terms of the teen, it also means running away from home and becoming independent, presumably, if the mother doesn't consent to her leaving. Which it obviously doesn't seem like she would.

    Now, I don't know what the legality of 'running away' is?

    So in other words, her house her rules. Basically, if you want your own rules, get your own house.

    I'm just saying, if it's the real thing i.e. 'true love,' it might be something to consider.


    Check this out here: http://www.ageofconsent.us/
  • 03-27-2011, 12:55 PM
    cdwjava
    Re: Can My Mother Stop Me from Dating My 20yo Boyfreind Even if We Have't Had Sex
    Quote:

    Quoting SonOfTheLaw
    View Post
    In terms of legal options; not morality or what's spiritually right or wrong; they both could technically move to another state where the age of consent is 16.

    Uh, that would mean a potentially serious charge for the adult including federal charges for enticing a minor across state lines for the purposes of lewd acts. This would be a horrendous path for the adult to follow as it would pretty much guarantee a lifetime on the sex offender registry whereas he currently might avoid it as PC 261.5 is not a registerable offense.

    Quote:

    In terms of the teen, it also means running away from home and becoming independent, presumably, if the mother doesn't consent to her leaving. Which it obviously doesn't seem like she would.
    That would not happen. CA does not emancipate runaways.

    Quote:

    Now, I don't know what the legality of 'running away' is?
    It ain't. A runaway is a status offender pursuant to W&I 601 and as it shows irresponsibility it weighs heavily against a person's qualifications for emancipation.

    Quote:

    So in other words, her house her rules. Basically, if you want your own rules, get your own house.
    And she can do that when she is 18.
  • 03-27-2011, 01:15 PM
    cbg
    Re: Can My Mother Stop Me from Dating My 20yo Boyfreind Even if We Have't Had Sex
    You are mistaking the age of consent with the age of majority. The first is the age at which the state will no long consider stat rape charges; the second is the age at which the minor is no longer under the care, custody and control of the parents.

    Just because the state will no longer prosecute for stat rape does NOT mean that the parents have no say. There is NO state where the age of majority is younger than 18, regardless of what the age of consent may be. And as long as the minor is under the age of majority, there ARE charges that can be placed on the adult EVEN IF the minor is over the age of consent.

    A minor who ran away over state lines could be physically brought back and the adult face Federal charges. The adult could be jailed.

    It might be a good idea, since you admit you do not know the legalities, for you to refrain from posting.
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