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Married but Kept Maiden Name, and I Want My Kids to Have My Last Name As Theirs

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  • 01-29-2011, 01:11 PM
    jennyh
    Married but Kept Maiden Name, and I Want My Kids to Have My Last Name As Theirs
    My question involves paternity law for the State of: MN, and possibly WI depending on where the baby is born


    I recently found out I'm pregnant with my first child with my husband. I opted to keep my maiden name when we got married - he was very angry about this as he wanted me to take his last name, but I don't believe in that tradition - I wanted to keep my last name. The child is his, but I do not want the baby to have his last name. I want the baby to have my last name. However, when we talked about this, he became irate and threatened to get a lawyer to make me put his last name as the baby's last name on the birth certificate. I don't want to hyphenate either, I just want the baby to take my last name.

    I live in MN but I live close to WI and could just as easily have the baby there. As the father and as my husband, does he have any legal right in either state to insist that the baby take his last name? This will impact where I end up having the baby - any information is appreciated. Thank you!
  • 01-29-2011, 01:16 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Married but Kept Maiden Name, and I Want My Kids to Have My Last Name As Theirs
    ...I suggest you both get into couples counseling immediately.

    Legally you can name the child anything you want - but Dad can certainly take you to court to have kiddo's last name changed to his. Hyphenation is more likely if you can't agree (you'd likely be sent to mediation first).

    But seriously...are you sure you want to remain married? Because if you can't agree on something like this....you're in for a very, very long 18+ years once the child is born.
  • 01-29-2011, 01:32 PM
    jennyh
    Re: Married but Kept Maiden Name, and I Want My Kids to Have My Last Name As Theirs
    I have agreed to couples counseling, but he is refusing. He says that it's tradition for the child to take the man's last name, and while that may be true, I just don't want any part of that tradition, which is something we discussed when we first started dating, and again when he proposed, and again when we got married. He wasn't enthusiastic about it, but he also wasn't trying to put his foot down like he is right now. I also can't stand his last name. I can see where he's coming from, but he's refusing to see any part of what I have to say. He just thinks that because he's the man, he is the boss and in charge, even though I am in charge of all finances, I make more money than him, etc, etc.

    He's even gone so far as to call me a "femi-nazi." I'm not trying to make him feel like less of a man, but we've discussed this - he KNEW what he was getting himself into when we started dating, and I told him I wasn't going to change my mind - and I meant it. I even broke up with him for a short time when we were dating and talking about getting engaged to let him think about it - I had no problem with (and still have no problem) walking away if we can't come to an understanding about this. Like I said, I love him, but this is a dealbreaker for me.

    I think you might be right... a divorce may be in my near future.
  • 01-29-2011, 01:51 PM
    jk
    Re: Married but Kept Maiden Name, and I Want My Kids to Have My Last Name As Theirs
    Quote:

    Quoting jennyh
    View Post

    I think you might be right... a divorce may be in my near future.

    It seems you believe you have the rights in this situation. The problem is; it is as much his child as it is yours. That means his rights are equal to yours, not subordinate to yours. Due to that, a court might quite simply order the name be a combination of both names (hyphenated). Then all you have to argue about is whose name comes first:eek:
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