Online Intimate Interstate Relationship Between an Adult an a Minor

This one is long and complex but may be interesting to read...

My question involves criminal law for the states of: Florida and Massachusetts
(I said I was 16 and she was 31 because that was true for the majority of the relationship)

I'm 17 and I live in Massachusetts. Until very recently, I was in a serious online relationship with a 32 year old woman. The relationship lasted from September 2009 until about 2 weeks ago. I gave full consent and even encouraged her, but my parents never knew she existed. The relationship included:
1. Numerous photos of her (and some of myself) not nude but as close as possible to it (for example, in 3 of them, she was in panties without a shirt or bra on, covering her breasts with only her forearms).
2. Long messages, almost daily, like you'd expect from a long-distance couple.
3. 5 or 6 phone calls, for 2 of which there is record of on a landline phone bill which is still in my parent's possession. The others were made using VoIP (Skype) on my end. She always used her cell phone.
4. Occasional talk of her picking me up so we could live together.

Over the past 3 weeks, she has been avoiding me, and I recently found out that she had been cheating on me with the guy who was supposed to drive with her up here on December 27th. Sparing the details, it didn't work out that way, and last week she told me of their engagement. In my rage, I threatened to take a bus down to her house and commit suicide at her doorstep (specifically never threatened harm to them, only to myself). I then publicly posted their personal information (full names, address, and phone numbers) without their permission, but a couple minutes later she said it was fine with her and that whoever wants to can contact her or show up at her house. I'm curious:
Does it make legal sense to try to press charges against her? We never had actual cyber sex despite saying we loved each other and making plans for sex before I turn 18. At one point she encouraged me to get on a bus and come to her house to live with her in Florida. Was it illegal for me to publicly state their personal information? And is she at legal fault for being involved with me in this way? Thank you so much for your help!

So...everything was fine until she dumped you?

And now you want to punish her?

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, I was happy with everything until she dumped me. She had been playing with me the whole time. I'm not here to complain, though. I just want to know if she's at fault despite the fact that I gave my consent the whole way through... And I am looking to punish her- I almost took my own life because of her selfish (and potentially illegal) actions and decisions. Usually you can't get someone back for cheating but this seems like one of those rare cases where it's possible. I'm thinking that if my parents had found out about the relationship, they probably could have pressed charges, right? I know many see this as an act of spitefulness but I'm not really concerned with that aspect of it. And honestly I would keep this a secret if she would just let me have closure- I'm not heartless, I'm just hurting.

If you believe a crime has been committed, you can report it to the police. The police will investigate and, if they believe it is appropriate, will pass their findings to a prosecutor for review.

Nothing about this will be secret if there is a prosecution.

That's a good point, Mr. Knowitall. I must keep in mind that the police could seize anything of mine for the purpose of charging her. If it means some kind of closure for me, though, maybe it's worth it.

So ... no nudity, no sex talk, only professions of love.

And now that she has essentially dumped you, you want to see her get in legal trouble in revenge for hurting your feelings. Is that about it?

Is that how you intend to deal with every broken relationship in your life? Call the cops?!?

Yeah, she was an idiot and, dare I say it, a pedophile, for leading you on that way. But your lack of maturity (not surprising at your age) is clearly showing in your desire for serious revenge.

Could charges be made ... perhaps. However, you might also be charged for sending/possessing the images you presented to her. So, before you think that the hammer hits only one way, you might want to ask mommy and daddy for some money to talk to a lawyer to first see if you might find yourself in trouble for whatever was said and done online.

Given the distance and lack of any allegations of kiddie porn, I wouldn't hold my breath that the police in your jurisdiction will go to some other state to find her. They might, however, act against you if your actions involved anything illegal in your state.

Why don't you try the old fashioned way of dating ... you know, go out and meet people in your own age group and maturity level? It's worked for thousands of years, and it will work for you.

Thanks for reading and giving advice, it IS appreciated. However, I'm really just looking for closure. I'm almost seeing the other side of this, where she would be penalized severely just for being an ass**le to me. It's funny because she's always proclaimed how much she likes revenge. I don't know, maybe it's wrong to even consider making this a legal thing. It's just so unfair to me as the guy who slaved to... oops, forgot this was a law forum for a second. Alright, so all I really wanted to know was if such light whatever-this-is was considered illegal. I honestly don't really plan to use this against her because, among other reasons, I still love her too much for this idea to be satisfying for more than a few hours. I'm under so much pressure to tell my parents and school guidance counselors what's been bugging me, and sometimes the idea of letting it all out is enticing. Because of what she led me to believe, I've wasted the last 20 weeks of high school; I never thought I'd be back after the holidays. Now I've missed so many days that my school won't allow me to keep any credits I may have earned. And that's not even phasing me right now. She hasn't picked up when I've called, nor has she responded to me in any other way since she broke the news. I'm devastated over here. When someone makes you believe you're their favorite person in the world and then cheats on you and gives you the cold shoulder, NOT SHOWING ANY REMORSE FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE, you start going to the extremes... I hate using caps lock like that... Maybe some of you will understand but no worries if you don't. If she wants to give me closure, she's in no danger. If she refuses to, she might be in some legal trouble... Maybe. Thanks for your replies however belittling they may be. I was looking to get a detailed legal standpoint but thanks for your time. Feel free to reply to this if you care to.

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Quoting TylerL

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Thanks for reading and giving advice, it IS appreciated. However, I'm really just looking for closure.

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Closure means accepting that it's over, not payback. What you are asking for is revenge.

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Alright, so all I really wanted to know was if such light whatever-this-is was considered illegal. I honestly don't really plan to use this against her because, among other reasons, I still love her too much for this idea to be satisfying for more than a few hours.

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You don't love her, you were infatuated. It was exciting, it was enticing, it was forbidden, she was an older woman, and you are a teenager with raging hormones. It was biology.

Yes, it might have been illegal. I am not going to spend the time delving into your state's statutes and into possible federal statutes (since the feds wouldn't be likely to waste time on this anyway) but what one or both of you did MIGHT be unlawful in one or both states. Once you let the police know you will not be able to un-ring that bell against either of you.

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I'm under so much pressure to tell my parents and school guidance counselors what's been bugging me, and sometimes the idea of letting it all out is enticing. Because of what she led me to believe, I've wasted the last 20 weeks of high school; I never thought I'd be back after the holidays. Now I've missed so many days that my school won't allow me to keep any credits I may have earned.

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Trying to get her in trouble won't change that.

Counseling might be of assistance for you and that might include notification of the police, but just calling the police for payback could backfire big time.

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Maybe some of you will understand but no worries if you don't.

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We've all been teenagers. We all know that when a relationship ends at that age it feels like the world will end. It won't. It will go on and so will you.

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If she wants to give me closure, she's in no danger. If she refuses to, she might be in some legal trouble...

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Again, you're not looking for "closure," you are looking for revenge. You want to hurt her because she hurt you. That's not closure. You have a firm solution - it's over. That IS closure. A lack of closure would be something shrouded in ambiguity. I don't see anything ambiguous about what has happened here.

Accept it and move on. Get help if you are hurting, and re-focus your efforts back on school, friends, and the family you may have just let down.

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I was looking to get a detailed legal standpoint but thanks for your time. Feel free to reply to this if you care to.

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If you want a detailed legal opinion, speak to an attorney in your locale. Since there is no obvious crime here, it would take a specific legal knowledge of the laws in your state and specific details about the images and text that passed between the two of you. And, as I said, that sword can bite both ways. Because you are the minor does NOT mean you would be free from any legal consequences should the sword fall back in your direction for some reason.

Wow, I really appreciate the extensive reply! Like I said, I think I'm over the idea of taking legal action against her. It might seem appealing to me for a couple hours at a time but it's not happening despite the emotional, educational, and financial (summer school out of pocket and time spent in school when I should be working for money) issues she's caused. I WILL get over her, it'll just take time. And for future reference, it's not easy for every teenager to find someone good enough in their own age category, and current sex laws (like the one I've considered exploiting) make it hard for someone my age who's better-suited for older girls. This isn't the place to get into detail about it but next time you guys should consider that not every teenager can find someone so quickly and easily.

Ah.

Because none of us have ever been teenagers.

Gotcha.

The idea is not to find someone "quickly" or "easily." While many teenage males may not understand it, life is not just about sex. We all had disappointments in that arena when we were kids. It's part of growing up. It's also part of the learning process ... hopefully.

Finding someone closer in age is not only legally safer, but it is far more likely to result in a better bonding. Two people close in age tend to have greater frames of reference, similar tastes and experiences, similar life experience and expectations, etc. And, for the most part, boys tend to be far more immature than girls their own age which is just one reason why guys - as they get older - tend to find girls a few years younger than them. At one point in time the average age between husband and wife was about 5 years ... not sure what it is now, but I believe the rates are closer which could be a contributing factor towards divorce. You and this woman were at the other end of the spectrum with you at a very emotional and immature state in life, and her at what should have been her most lucid and mature.

This gal has some problems. Not only for toying on the edge of sexuality with a teenage MINOR, but also for getting her kicks toying with a kid emotionally. Whether she did so out of some sick sense of self amusement, or out of some misguided affection, who can say? But, it is safe to say that she was not the one who you could have made a life with. Had you chosen to be stupid and run off with her, you would have had to return home and she would have gone to jail. And if you managed to dodge the authorities for a time, eventually you would be left high and dry without an education or skills ... not a good place to be in later in life.

So, for now, concentrate not on girls and raging testosterone, but instead on school and family. Find fulfillment in things that are less self-destructive and emotionally damaging.

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Quoting cdwjava

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While many teenage males may not understand it, life is not just about sex.

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Exactly my point. I could easily run out and bang some girl at school. I've thought I've been in love while really just wanting sex. I've learned to distinguish between love and lust, it's not a hard concept. This idea that just because I'm a 17 year old male I must only be focused on sex, is nothing less than bullshit. Seriously, I understand how most guys are, but you can't generalize like that without being incorrect. Did you not read the part about me not pushing for nudity or ANY kind of sexual interaction beyond "I'll be thinking about you today"?! Isn't that just a little bit significant? If it was about sex, I would've broken things off with her and gone to one of the local girls. Instead, it was about love. Yes, some young people are capable of it. THIS is what's frustrating for me when I try to consider girls my age or attempt to garner the interest of an older one- they either don't recognize love in its fullest form or they tell me to go for someone younger because apparently that translates to "more compatible" for most people. And that's logical to me, but there are always exceptions to the rule and unfortunately I'm one of probably many.

That said, she's out of my life forever. I'll probably never be the same but I should try to forget. It's just that on some level it's senseless to let her get away with doing this to me when I potentially have the power to get revenge for once in my life. However, I can't possibly justify doing that unless she outright refuses to communicate with me in any way- THAT is heartlessness, and that's what I won't stand for. Even then it's a big maybe.

You accidentally fall in love with me when you didn't really want a relationship a 17 year old? That's fine. Stupid, but fine, thanks for the 16 months. But you don't help me out of the hole you just buried me in?! What makes you think that's okay?!
^^How is that wrong of me? There IS a better way for her to put me down and she isn't taking it. If she had any respect for the guy she's been misleading for the past year, she would have made herself available to me. Anything less than that is cruel and reckless. Anyway, it's 4:20 in the morning and I have school to be too depressed to attend tomorrow. Thanks for the thoughtful replies!