What to expect from a conciliation service

I went to court to try and get 50/50 joint custody of my son and both attorneys agreed that my ex and I go to concillation services and meet with a counselor. I'm a little nervous about this because I talked to my ex and she is not changing her mind about joint custody.

We have to fill out a form before we meet with the counselor and it ask questions about physical violence in the home, mental health etc. The reason I'm nervous is because my wife has put holes in the walls of our home(my ex saw this), my wife and I have both been arrested for a domestic dispute (over 10 years ago), my wife tried to fight me and my daughter called 911(3 years ago), and my wife has verbally fought with me in front of our kids (my ex has been a witness to this).

My ex hasn't been that perfect she has punched me once, glued rocks on my sidewalk and glued the keyholes to my house closed (go figure). And she broke out all of her ex's windows of his home (over 8 years ago. I didn't know her then). My ex says I can say that she hit me (and she will be honest about that one time) but she says none of that ever occurred in front of anyone's children. She says that my wife loses her temper in front of the children and that is bad. Who wouldn't react as my wife has. I cheated on her and had a baby with another woman. Does my ex's behavior not count just because there weren't any kids present.

Also there was an incident with my wife's brother and my daughter. My daughter (who was 5 at the time) said her uncle (12 at the time) laid ontop of her at least twice. My daugther said nothing else happened but I know this kid and I feel he suffers from emotional problems (he lived with us for two years). My wife and I got into an argument because I wanted to call CPS and she said "NO" because she didn't want her family in the system. I'm scared my ex will tell the counselor that as well. The way my ex feels is that if my wife didn't protect her own daugther she won't look out for our son. I say different.

Also she says by the simple fact that my wife and I have gone to counseling proves that there are problems in the marriage. I say no duh I had an affair for five years and a child out of my marriage. Of course there are going to be problems, but my wife wanted to keep the family together so we went to counseling. My ex has gone to counseling in the past too.

From what I understand this counselor can make a recommendation to the court regarding custody and that makes me nervous. Will any of my wife's and I disputes carry any weight? Will what my ex done carry any weight? The only thing that I feel good about is the counselor is a man. Whew!

There are a variety of things this counselor could do. It may be that the goal is to facilitate a settlement between you and your spouse. You don't make it appear that the counselor will be doing a formal custody assessment (psychological evaluation of you, your spouse, and your interactions with your children) or will be administering any tests (e.g., the MMPI), which would occur with a typical child custody evaluation. But the counselor's ability to make a recommendation could carry significant weight with the court. Your best bet is to try to find somebody who has experience with this counselor, to try to find out what the counselor is looking for and how to avoid any potential pitfalls.