Trying to Gain Custody and Vistation to My Daughter

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Alabama

Unfortunately, I was not placed on the birth certificate of my daught when she was born. Now, I went ahead and served her with a paternity test so I can solidfy if she is indeed my child or not. However, the mother of my daught is purposely hindering me from even being able to see her at all. Is there anyway or anything I could really do to turn this around in my favor? I want custody of my daughter, due to better environment, but I also don't want to keep the mother out of her life? Any suggestions?

Suggestion #1:
Get it out of your head that you're going to get custody of this child. Absent the child being in imminent danger, her mother is her primary caregiver and will stay that way. How old is this child, anyway?

#2: Until there is a court order for visitation, mom is under absolutely no obligation to allow you to visit with the child.

How old is this child, anyway?

Quote:

---

Quoting CourtClerk

---

Suggestion #1:
Get it out of your head that you're going to get custody of this child. Absent the child being in imminent danger, her mother is her primary caregiver and will stay that way. How old is this child, anyway?

#2: Until there is a court order for visitation, mom is under absolutely no obligation to allow you to visit with the child.

How old is this child, anyway?

---

Hopefully I am not double posting or anything. However, I appreciate you concerning yourself and telling me to give up on my child and saying I will not get custody. If you really must know, the child was just born five days ago and I know this case will go on further and longer. Yet, I am purposely being concealed from the child and my daughter is even being used as a weapon of emotional damage to me by the mother. I know the mother has all the power and this is why she is trying to bully me around as of right now. Truth is, I would love for my little girl to have the ability to see both parents. However, the mother of the child is being combative and trying to sever me from seeing my little girl all together. My question is, is there anything I need to do or be ready for? It just seems this case will be ugly and not looked at as far as the wellness of the child. It seems the mother has gone off track from whats best for our little girl and more on the track of causing personal issues for her own sake.

CC is correct. You're not going to get physical custody of this newborn unless Mom is proven unfit.

You do have the right to file for joint legal custody and visitation, once paternity is legally established.

But basically, you don't even have a child, legally, at this point and Mom is under no obligation whatsoever to allow any sort of visitation.

(The fact that Mom is going through about a billion different emotions and has hormones surging through her system like nothing you could ever imagine may be why she's reluctant to see you at all)

Quote:

---

Quoting Brizor

---

Hopefully I am not double posting or anything. However, I appreciate you concerning yourself and telling me to give up on my child and saying I will not get custody.

---

No one said give up on your child. What you were told is that you have a snowball's chance in hell of becoming the custodial parent of the child unless you can prove to a court that the current custodial parent - the only parent the child has had until now - poses an imminent danger to the child. That doesn't mean you can't win LIBERAL visitation and shared custody - but it DOES mean that you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you think the court is going to order that the child live with you.

Quote:

---

Yet, I am purposely being concealed from the child and my daughter is even being used as a weapon of emotional damage to me by the mother. I know the mother has all the power and this is why she is trying to bully me around as of right now.

---

Well it sucks that you chose such a person to make a baby with - but the court isn't going to be able to change that for you, make her be nice, make her not use emotional ammo against you, etc. etc.. etc. And you made that baby outside of the legal protections of wedlock, which means that instead of having some automatic rights, now you'll have to buckle down, legally establish yourself as the father, and fight for visitation from there - because until you do so, you have NO rights to see the child, and she is legally justified in refusing ANY access to the child.

Quote:

---

Truth is, I would love for my little girl to have the ability to see both parents. However, the mother of the child is being combative and trying to sever me from seeing my little girl all together.

---

Fortunately, the court will agree with you wholeheartedly. They WANT children to have liberal access to BOTH parents. Unless you've got some substantial criminal history, particularly with regard to crimes involving children, or some types of issues that would make the court think that you're otherwise a danger to the child, the court has no reason to comply with her wishes to sever you from access to your child, or even to make that access supervised. Her decision to sleep with you and get pregnant already TELLS the court that as far as she's concerned, you've already been approved BY HER as father material. It'll take a LOT for her to overcome her own approval. Since you know going into this that she's likely to be combative and non-compliant regarding you and the child, you'll want to work with an attorney to get as many details spelled out as possible regarding visitation. (Similar case history suggests that mom may attempt to exploit any potential loophole or grey area - so get the orders to be explicitly spelled out, and not something vague like "liberal visitation".)

Quote:

---

My question is, is there anything I need to do or be ready for?

---

1. get an attorney who specializes in family law
2. be prepared for her to bring up anything and everything you've EVER done wrong in your entire life up until this point

Quote:

---

It just seems this case will be ugly and not looked at as far as the wellness of the child. It seems the mother has gone off track from whats best for our little girl and more on the track of causing personal issues for her own sake.

---

So long as the child has access to both parents, and isn't physically abused or neglected, the court will typically be satisfied that the best interests of the child has been met. Just as you get to argue that she CHOSE you to be the father, she also gets to argue that YOU chose HER to be a mother. Courts can't stop assholes from being parents, and the simple truth is that beyond abuse and neglect issues, the entities whose PRIMARY responsibility it was to ensure the best interest of the child were YOU and HER when you nominated each other as parent material under the sheets. Government can't fix attitudes, emotions, or hatreds and agendas - any more than they could have stepped in and prevented two people who weren't married and ready, willing, and able to provide the child with the stability of a healthy and unified marriage from making the baby (wow, wouldn't THAT be cool!). If you're interested in the "best interests" of the child now that the child is on the scene, then get yourself some good reading material on how to best co-parent with a jerk in such a way as to be most beneficial to the child (in fact there's a decent book by such a name - by author Judy Corcoran)

Quote:

---

Quoting aardvarc

---

No one said give up on your child. What you were told is that you have a snowball's chance in hell of becoming the custodial parent of the child unless you can prove to a court that the current custodial parent - the only parent the child has had until now - poses an imminent danger to the child. That doesn't mean you can't win LIBERAL visitation and shared custody - but it DOES mean that you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you think the court is going to order that the child live with you.



Well it sucks that you chose such a person to make a baby with - but the court isn't going to be able to change that for you, make her be nice, make her not use emotional ammo against you, etc. etc.. etc. And you made that baby outside of the legal protections of wedlock, which means that instead of having some automatic rights, now you'll have to buckle down, legally establish yourself as the father, and fight for visitation from there - because until you do so, you have NO rights to see the child, and she is legally justified in refusing ANY access to the child.




Fortunately, the court will agree with you wholeheartedly. They WANT children to have liberal access to BOTH parents. Unless you've got some substantial criminal history, particularly with regard to crimes involving children, or some types of issues that would make the court think that you're otherwise a danger to the child, the court has no reason to comply with her wishes to sever you from access to your child, or even to make that access supervised. Her decision to sleep with you and get pregnant already TELLS the court that as far as she's concerned, you've already been approved BY HER as father material. It'll take a LOT for her to overcome her own approval. Since you know going into this that she's likely to be combative and non-compliant regarding you and the child, you'll want to work with an attorney to get as many details spelled out as possible regarding visitation. (Similar case history suggests that mom may attempt to exploit any potential loophole or grey area - so get the orders to be explicitly spelled out, and not something vague like "liberal visitation".)



1. get an attorney who specializes in family law
2. be prepared for her to bring up anything and everything you've EVER done wrong in your entire life up until this point



So long as the child has access to both parents, and isn't physically abused or neglected, the court will typically be satisfied that the best interests of the child has been met. Just as you get to argue that she CHOSE you to be the father, she also gets to argue that YOU chose HER to be a mother. Courts can't stop assholes from being parents, and the simple truth is that beyond abuse and neglect issues, the entities whose PRIMARY responsibility it was to ensure the best interest of the child were YOU and HER when you nominated each other as parent material under the sheets. Government can't fix attitudes, emotions, or hatreds and agendas - any more than they could have stepped in and prevented two people who weren't married and ready, willing, and able to provide the child with the stability of a healthy and unified marriage from making the baby (wow, wouldn't THAT be cool!). If you're interested in the "best interests" of the child now that the child is on the scene, then get yourself some good reading material on how to best co-parent with a jerk in such a way as to be most beneficial to the child (in fact there's a decent book by such a name - by author Judy Corcoran)

---

That actually enlightened me quite a bit there and I appreciate it. I know this is going to be a hard battle to fight, but its one well worth the fight. As I stated, I have no clue the environment of my little girl. I did see where they lived before and it was infested with some nasty bugs and just a down right mess of a home. Looks like I am going in the right direction and I appreciate your comments and concerns. I have gone through the steps as far as going for "broke". However, I would be more then happy to go for joint. The mother is already combative and stopped me from seeing my little girl in the hospital and all i was doing was bringing some stuff (diapers, wipes, etc.). I was just trying to see what else I could do outside of my attorney to go ahead and make sure I cross all my t's and dot my i's. I will definitely go look up that book, thank you again.

Hon, you have to realize - you don't have a little girl at the moment and you have no more right to her than I do.

Please also consider Mom's emotional and hormonal state at the moment.

I know this is hard to hear - but it's the legal reality.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

Hon, you have to realize - you don't have a little girl at the moment and you have no more right to her than I do.

Please also consider Mom's emotional and hormonal state at the moment.

I know this is hard to hear - but it's the legal reality.

---

The hardest concept that I had to take in through all this, is until the paternity test is done and results come back, that is I don't have legal right. That is indeed the tough part; however, put emotions to the side. I am just trying to put all my ducks in a row and make sure everything is squared. Trust me, I am taking into consideration the mother's emotional state. However, she has also deliberately brought down her other child's father to where he doesn't even hardly see her, because he is in trouble with the law and she also bullies him around. I have tried to reason multiple times; however, it did not go down so well. Like I said, I do not want to take her out of the picture totally, that would be horribly wrong and hurtful to the child in my opinion. Yet, after all the times of her constantly saying she didn't want the child and using random threats with the baby over me. I think I do have to step forth through legal action to solidify myself with my little girl. It isn't that I am trying to go for the juggular and try to tear down her life, I don't believe in that nonsense (specially when children are involved). I am solely looking out for my little girl and trying to do whats best for her. Trust me, if all situations were different and environment wasn't the same, I wouldn't be sweating this at all :).

QUESTION: If joint custody were to be called for (which is a win win in my book), is it automatically decided which parent the child spends most of the time with as far as living? Or would the be discussed between the parties involved?

Sorry to drag this out, but I have been researching countlessly to try and find as many resources and tips to prepare myself for what is to come. I greatly appreciate everyone's advice and consideration in the matter, specially with playing from a neutral third party's point of view with not knowing the full situation at all. :)

In your state, joint legal custody is the norm with one parent having primary physical custody and the other having regular visitation.

Unless you can prove Mom unfit, she'll be the primary physical custodian. Expect short visits at her home and in her presence until the child is at least quite a bit older; once kiddo is old enough you'll be allowed overnights, weekends and eventually longer periods.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

In your state, joint legal custody is the norm with one parent having primary physical custody and the other having regular visitation.

Unless you can prove Mom unfit, she'll be the primary physical custodian. Expect short visits at her home and in her presence until the child is at least quite a bit older; once kiddo is old enough you'll be allowed overnights, weekends and eventually longer periods.

---

Well, if she is proven unfit; which would be scarey for her because she has another little girl, that would mean i get full physical out the gate. Hm, I had two buddies who keep their sons majority of the time and the mother gets them every other weekend and other short periods of time. Well that would be the best case for me, I would probably want that over anything. However, I did find out when two parents can't agree in Alabama, when one is combative. The courts look to the other parents, due to the fact it is simply not a case about the parents it is about the child. Only thing I am having a difficult part with, is trying to see how I can possibly get a cooperative key. I just don't think it possible at this time at all.

Opinion: I had told her not to go see her other child's dad(he is a drug user and heavy drinker) in another state, due to him possibly causing harm to her and our unborn child. She went to visit him against her better judgement and of course he laid his hands on her. I had to transfer money to her to a walmart to get her back home. Situations like those are taken into perspective as well, because those are possibly harmful situations??

Quote:

---

I had told her not to go see her other child's dad(he is a drug user and heavy drinker) in another state, due to him possibly causing harm to her and our unborn child. She went to visit him against her better judgement and of course he laid his hands on her. I had to transfer money to her to a walmart to get her back home. Situations like those are taken into perspective as well, because those are possibly harmful situations??

---

Once the child is born, yes, that sort of thing can play a major difference. Courts are reluctantly pretty much powerless to stop an adult from willingly entering, remaining, or participating in an abusive relationship - what the courts are NOT happy about is a parent exposing a child, who doesn't have a say, to such potential violence. If domestic violence occurs within the presence of a child, CPS and the courts can most certainly work together to remove the child from the situation (Google the term "failure to protect"). With that said, however, since there isn't an actual legal child yet, they aren't going to be standing by to snatch the child at birth. Other than potentially heightened charges against the abuser for battery on a pregnant woman (if a report was filed, which it doesn't sound like) it's not going to have as much impact on custody later as you're hoping (unless of course there are ADDITIONAL incidents once the child is on scene).