Unlawful Sexual Activity With a Minor - Harsh Penalty

My question involves criminal law for the state of: Utah
I am a bit surprised at the sentence handed down to my son for Unlawful sexual activity with a minor.(3rd degree felony)
First let me give some details..
My son met a girl that had come into his place of employment & they exchanged phone #s. A few days
later the girl contacted my son and they began to build a friendship. The girl had told my son she just
turned 18 (my son was 20 @ the time) they had been conversing via the phone for a couple of weeks
& decided to meet for an outing.(The girls older sister came along as well)
A few weeks later the relationship started to become physical. They were at her house & one thing led
another. My son stopped in the middle of the act and explained that he wasn't sure about his
feelings for her & didn't want to hurt her and also didn't want to be hurt himself so they decided to take
take it slow & not introduce sex into the relationship @ that point. A week later my son discovered the girl
was not 18 & that she was actually 14. He immediately contacted her and told her they could no longer see
each other and could not remain in contact because of her age and that it was an inappropriate relationship.
She understood and apologized for lying about her age.
9 days later my son was contacted by an investigator who informed him he had gotten a report from the
girls school about the relationship. The girl had been talking to a friend about the relationship and the
information found its way to the schools resource officer. The girls mom was noticed & she told the investigator
she did not wish to file a report or press any charges. She stated her opinion was the incident was
a adolescent indiscretion & she had talked with my son and was confident he was sincere and honest
regarding the situation and she felt it was not worth destroying his future over. My son was 100 percent compliant with the
investigation and even agreed to a request made by the investigator to try getting the girls mom to
admit telling my son to lie about the incident adding there would be no case if both he & her daughter denied the
Incident (which she did admit & was recorded)
The state of Utah filed charges against my son and ultimately charged the girls mom with witness
tampering (3rd degree felony) My son plead guilty and was sentenced to 6 months in prison (suspended)
90 days in Co. Jail, 36 months supervised probation and ordered to comply with group A sex offender requirements.
His probation includes sex offender treatment, psycho sexual evaluation, no contact with anyone under 18,
random visits and searches of the home, residence & employment must be pre approved, weekly reporting,
No alcohol or drugs (my son does neither) submit to random drug testing & has a $5000 fine. The girl admitted
she lied and stated my son was never disrespectful and never tried to talk her into any sexual activity.
I don't see how he should be required to register as a sex offender for 10 yrs and is in the same group
classification with child predators and rapist. Is this typical sentencing considering the case details? Thank you for any and all opinions and or advice.

It is HIS responsibility to check the girl's age via a reliable method.

The sentence is normal for his crime.

lucky his 6 mo. jail time was suspended .....

Here's an old trick.

Make a remark about your goofy drivers license photo. Ask to see hers. Bingo! You can compare name, photo, address, and....birthdate!

If my son had any doubt about her age he would have asked to see her Drivers License. If only
he realized the "what if's" before hand the relationship would never began.
Is there any organization that educates teens and young adults regarding this type
of issue and how to protected themselves as well as the other person from making the
same mistake as my son? It is still disturbing to know that situations like my sons
can result in such a devastating manner.
Also how sad it is that minors, be it male or female feel the need to be dishonest about
how old they are, and that so many young adults are not aware of the laws or don't fully
understand the serious consequences. If only we had known and understood ourselves as
parents we would have educated my son as to the" what if's" and avoided the entire matter.
Thank you for your responses.

Generally, parents are expected to educate their children about such things.

The consequences of stat. rape/sexual contact with a minor have been well-known and well-publicized for decades.

Is there any organization that educates teens and young adults regarding this type of issue and how to protected themselves as well as the other person from making the same mistake as my son?

Yes....the organization is called a PARENT sitting down to discuss it with their kids, preferably while they are at the age where they might start having sex. On this forum, we see many kids asking when they can have sex...."I'm 17, my girlfriend is 13...when can we do it". Sometimes it gets worse. 23 with a 16 year old. Scary, huh?

Look. I had a 7th grade classmate start school with a very obvious pregnancy. I had friends who graduated from schools for young parents. It's better to talk to them than ignore the issue. Some of my former classmates gave birth at 16 - 18. One classmate, by the time she was 23 - 3 births (multiple dads), 2 abortions. The last baby born, she never even could list a father (it could have been Jeff, Dan, Tom, etc, etc....).

That first discussion is also a good time to discuss birth control options, STD',s and maturity levels with the kid(s). And ask how your kid would finance raising a baby while completing school.

Good luck.

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Quoting PandorasBox

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The last baby born, she never even could list a father (it could have been Jeff, Dan, Tom, etc, etc....).

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I am pretty sure I can prove I was out of town.

Anyway...

OP, I hazard a guess that there is not a teenager in the country that doesn't know about "15 getting you 20".

But, you could be right... but, as the others have said, that is where parents come in.

The victim here is not legally able to give consent... even if she said yes.

Your son, believe it or not, got off light.

We have a poster to this board whose son has been in prison for over a decade for a very similar incident.

"She lied about her age" is not a valid defense in any state that I know of.

We did have "the talk" with our son, more than once & have been fortunate that our son was comfortable coming to us with any questions. We did discuss the inappropriate and illegal aspects of engaging in a relationship with a minor. My son was aware it was not legal what we didn't realize was the possibility of the minor being dishonest about their true age. Nor the facts on which all the responsibility rests on the adult. What is additionally confusing is how can a minor be charged with and convicted of a sex offense if the minor can't hold any responsibility for lying about age?

Here's the difference;

It is not a crime to lie about your age.

It IS a crime to have sexual contact with an underaged minor.

To "not realize" that a minor could lie about their age is criminally (and I use the word deliberately) naive.

Your son wasn't a minor...not sure where you're going with that.

And you're seriously saying that in this day and age you've never heard, seen, read about a teenager lying about their age?! No underage drinking? Using fake IDs?

I'd hazard that your son has actually done that in the past at least once...

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Quoting worriedmom223

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We did have "the talk" with our son, more than once & have been fortunate that our son was comfortable coming to us with any questions. We did discuss the inappropriate and illegal aspects of engaging in a relationship with a minor. My son was aware it was not legal what we didn't realize was the possibility of the minor being dishonest about their true age. Nor the facts on which all the responsibility rests on the adult. What is additionally confusing is how can a minor be charged with and convicted of a sex offense if the minor can't hold any responsibility for lying about age?

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One... You didn't realize the possibility that someone would lie about their age? That is the weakest defense to statutory rape I have ever heard.

Two... Your son isn't a minor. Even if he was 17 at the time of assault, the whole game changes when the little girl is 14.

Wasn't he a little surprised when the girl couldn't drive... or talk about anything she did in high school?

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Quoting cbg

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Here's the difference;

It is not a crime to lie about your age.

It IS a crime to have sexual contact with an underaged minor.

To "not realize" that a minor could lie about their age is criminally (and I use the word deliberately) naive.

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The harsh reality is we need to be very careful who we sleep with. I feel its a travesty about what happened,he could of been spending a lot more time in jail and stuck on that BS list for life. It's justifiable that someone can make an honest mistake about someone age,a 18 year old can act immature like a 14-16 year old,everyone is different. They're needs to be more outrage when a young adult life is ruined b.c of a misunderstanding, a 18 year old should not sleep w. a 14 year old but to punish someone so long is cruel. They're 18 year old ppl who sleep w. a 16 or 17 year old they are on the same list as rapist or some 40 year old man who rapes a 10 year old for ex,WTF. Eventually so many people are gonna be on that dam list for 5,10,25 or for life that maybe we will re look at the list. The number of people on that list w. less crimes are gonna increase. It becomes one of things were if it wasn't u or some u know that was overcharged and punished then whatever lets turn a blind eye. His sentence was 6 months but they feel he needs to be held accountable for 10 years.

Honestly his 2nd mistake was being naive about the law,just his 1st run in w. cops were on such a serious charge. If they overheard that he was smoking weed or even sorting a line, hopefully he wouldn't repeat that mistake. It would of taught him the value of when to keep quiet. He should of kept his mouth shut right away and then hire a lawyer. The police and Da are their to prosecute and charge ppl w. the written law and many times the law is not fair or reasonable in all cases.

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Quoting tc498

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The harsh reality is we need to be very careful who we sleep with. I feel its a travesty about what happened,he could of been spending a lot more time in jail and stuck on that BS list for life. It's justifiable that someone can make an honest mistake about someone age,a 18 year old can act immature like a 14-16 year old,everyone is different. They're needs to be more outrage when a young adult life is ruined b.c of a misunderstanding, a 18 year old should not sleep w. a 14 year old but to punish someone so long is cruel. They're 18 year old ppl who sleep w. a 16 or 17 year old they are on the same list as rapist or some 40 year old man who rapes a 10 year old for ex,WTF. Eventually so many people are gonna be on that dam list for 5,10,25 or for life that maybe we will re look at the list. The number of people on that list w. less crimes are gonna increase. It becomes one of things were if it wasn't u or some u know that was overcharged and punished then whatever lets turn a blind eye. His sentence was 6 months but they feel he needs to be held accountable for 10 years.

Honestly his 2nd mistake was being naive about the law,just his 1st run in w. cops were on such a serious charge. If they overheard that he was smoking weed or even sorting a line, hopefully he wouldn't repeat that mistake. It would of taught him the value of when to keep quiet. He should of kept his mouth shut right away and then hire a lawyer. The police and Da are their to prosecute and charge ppl w. the written law and many times the law is not fair or reasonable in all cases.

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Frankly if he isn't mature enough to figure out the age of his sexual partners, he has no business having sex.

Period.

This wasn't a naive 16 year old playing around with a 14 year old; this was TWENTY year old MAN.

Dogmatique, Why you feel the need to be arrogant and condescending is beyond me and I feel sorry for your lack of ability to comprehend that there are people that do not know all the ins and outs of the law. We understand the fact that it is against the law for an adult to have any sexual contact with a minor and my son was not out looking for some young girl to victimize for his personal gratification. We simply had no reason to doubt her when she said she was 18. In my original post I was asking if the sentence my son got was normal considering some of the case details. I was not using the fact that the girl lied about her age as an excuse or defense. I was simply offering some case facts in case they played a part in the sentencing. I also was asking how a minor can be charged and convicted of sex offense but can"t be held accountable for lying to someone which in turn directly impacts another persons life in such a destructive way. I was unaware that my request for help understanding would result in being personally ridiculed for my lack of knowledge. OPPS there is my NAIVE little brain that thought someone would simply answer the questions, not condemn me or my son for asking. I grew up in a small town on the Northern coast of California where everyone knew everyone and this type of offense did not occur therefor was not publicized in our local paper or aired on our local tv news. My son was born there as well and we recently moved to utah where it seems to be an epidemic. Soooooo please excuse my ignorance and I will excuse your inability to grasp the fact the world is not black and white and you should open your eyes to the many shades of grey.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Your son wasn't a minor...not sure where you're going with that.

And you're seriously saying that in this day and age you've never heard, seen, read about a teenager lying about their age?! No underage drinking? Using fake IDs?

I'd hazard that your son has actually done that in the past at least once...

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nope! he has never done that.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Frankly if he isn't mature enough to figure out the age of his sexual partners, he has no business having sex.

Period.

This wasn't a naive 16 year old playing around with a 14 year old; this was TWENTY year old MAN.

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He was a naive 20 year old(on paper) that had no reason to doubt her. And he does not have sexual "partners" (plural)

There are no shades of gray here.

He had sex with an underage girl whom he did not know well enough to have confirmed her age. He assumed that she was telling the truth, KNOWING that it was illegal to have sex with her if she was underage but not caring enough, at that time, to bother confirming it.

What do you think is gray about that?

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Quoting cyjeff

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One... You didn't realize the possibility that someone would lie about their age? That is the weakest defense to statutory rape I have ever heard.

Two... Your son isn't a minor. Even if he was 17 at the time of assault, the whole game changes when the little girl is 14.

Wasn't he a little surprised when the girl couldn't drive... or talk about anything she did in high school?

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was not offering any defense..... she did drive.

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Quoting cbg

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There are no shades of gray here.

He had sex with an underage girl whom he did not know well enough to have confirmed her age. He assumed that she was telling the truth, KNOWING that it was illegal to have sex with her if she was underage but not caring enough, at that time, to bother confirming it.

What do you think is gray about that?

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he did not have sex with her

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Quoting cbg

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There are no shades of gray here.

He had sex with an underage girl whom he did not know well enough to have confirmed her age. He assumed that she was telling the truth, KNOWING that it was illegal to have sex with her if she was underage but not caring enough, at that time, to bother confirming it.

What do you think is gray about that?

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did you read my first post?:confused:

Yes, I did. Did you read my post where I told you that "she lied about her age" is not a legal defense in any state?

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Quoting worriedmom223

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Dogmatique, Why you feel the need to be arrogant and condescending is beyond me and I feel sorry for your lack of ability to comprehend that there are people that do not know all the ins and outs of the law. We understand the fact that it is against the law for an adult to have any sexual contact with a minor and my son was not out looking for some young girl to victimize for his personal gratification. We simply had no reason to doubt her when she said she was 18. In my original post I was asking if the sentence my son got was normal considering some of the case details. I was not using the fact that the girl lied about her age as an excuse or defense. I was simply offering some case facts in case they played a part in the sentencing. I also was asking how a minor can be charged and convicted of sex offense but can"t be held accountable for lying to someone which in turn directly impacts another persons life in such a destructive way. I was unaware that my request for help understanding would result in being personally ridiculed for my lack of knowledge. OPPS there is my NAIVE little brain that thought someone would simply answer the questions, not condemn me or my son for asking. I grew up in a small town on the Northern coast of California where everyone knew everyone and this type of offense did not occur therefor was not publicized in our local paper or aired on our local tv news. My son was born there as well and we recently moved to utah where it seems to be an epidemic. Soooooo please excuse my ignorance and I will excuse your inability to grasp the fact the world is not black and white and you should open your eyes to the many shades of grey.

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:rolleyes:

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nope! he has never done that.

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You don't know that. At all.

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He was a naive 20 year old(on paper) that had no reason to doubt her. And he does not have sexual "partners" (plural)

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Unless you're with him 24/7, you have no idea whether or not this is the truth.

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Quoting cyjeff

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One... You didn't realize the possibility that someone would lie about their age? That is the weakest defense to statutory rape I have ever heard.

Two... Your son isn't a minor. Even if he was 17 at the time of assault, the whole game changes when the little girl is 14.

Wasn't he a little surprised when the girl couldn't drive... or talk about anything she did in high school?

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Like I said earlier, I am not making excuses or offering any defenses. I was asking about the sentence. By the way... He did not assault her. If you read my first post in its entirety you would have read that they did NOT have intercourse.
:wallbang:

It doesn't have to be full-blown intercourse. ANY form of sexual contact is illegal with a 14 year old.

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Quoting worriedmom223

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Like I said earlier, I am not making excuses or offering any defenses. I was asking about the sentence. By the way... He did not assault her. If you read my first post in its entirety you would have read that they did NOT have intercourse.
:wallbang:

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Mom, I know you're scared. I know you're concerned. Frankly if it were me I'd be terrified, as I think you are.

But you have to accept the reality here - your son DID assault this child.

No matter what the circumstances, an assault was committed, and he has been sentenced accordingly.

What you need to do now is FOCUS.

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Quoting cbg

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Yes, I did. Did you read my post where I told you that "she lied about her age" is not a legal defense in any state?

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As I said before I was not making excuses or offering any defenses. I wanted to know about the sentence... If it was normal or excessive... My son never made any attempts to use "she lied" as a defense.. He plead guilty at his 2nd court appearance
:wallbang:

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Quoting Dogmatique

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:rolleyes:





You don't know that. At all.

OH... BUT I DO KNOW! He is one of the most honest people I have the pleasure of knowing! He is the type of person that influences one to be a better person. He really has not had the need to be dishonest. No exaggeration!



Unless you're with him 24/7, you have no idea whether or not this is the truth.

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Yes I do. He is not a dishonest person. Never was!! He has no reason to be untruthful. I DO KNOW MY SON!

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Mom, I know you're scared. I know you're concerned. Frankly if it were me I'd be terrified, as I think you are.

But you have to accept the reality here - your son DID assault this child.

No matter what the circumstances, an assault was committed, and he has been sentenced accordingly.

What you need to do now is FOCUS.

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I am focused. I am not out of touch w/reality or delusion al. I get what you are saying and that is how the law is written... The terminology (assault, sex offender, etc.) Is very upsetting. I understand that the law states she is a victim but a victim of... My son not checking her I'd? Her own family not telling him she was not 18 and was really 14? A victim of her very own choice to lie? A victim because my so kissed her? (Which is what you are calling assault) I think it is total BS that the kissing warrants the lovely title of "sex offender" and being grouped in with true child predators, molesters, pedophiles, kidnappers, rapist etc!! It is offensive and appalling that no one else has to hold some of the blame. Her own family knew she lied and failed to inform him!! The girl admitted she was fully aware of what she was doing when she told him she was 18. And I honestly can't swallow the law calling her a victim... Or a kiss an assault... The only one suffering as a result is my son! The girl certainly isn't. She still calls our house. Something has got to change because this is so out of balance.
I am not scared... I am enraged!! :mad:

And you think that berating us for telling you the law will change it...how?

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Quoting worriedmom223

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I am focused. I am not out of touch w/reality or delusion al. I get what you are saying and that is how the law is written... The terminology (assault, sex offender, etc.) Is very upsetting. I understand that the law states she is a victim but a victim of... My son not checking her I'd? Her own family not telling him she was not 18 and was really 14? A victim of her very own choice to lie? A victim because my so kissed her? (Which is what you are calling assault) I think it is total BS that the kissing warrants the lovely title of "sex offender" and being grouped in with true child predators, molesters, pedophiles, kidnappers, rapist etc!! It is offensive and appalling that no one else has to hold some of the blame. Her own family knew she lied and failed to inform him!! The girl admitted she was fully aware of what she was doing when she told him she was 18. And I honestly can't swallow the law calling her a victim... Or a kiss an assault... The only one suffering as a result is my son! The girl certainly isn't. She still calls our house. Something has got to change because this is so out of balance.
I am not scared... I am enraged!! :mad:

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Feel better?

Good.

This is something known as "blaming the victim". The victim's actions, dress or reputation somehow made it okay to make her a victim.

Whether or not you like it, the law is clear. It is up to any person to make sure that their partner is old enough for sexual intimacy.

By the way... I have never heard of anyone going to prison for a kiss. If you are trying to minimize the contact, that won't fly.

You said, and I quote:

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A few weeks later the relationship started to become physical. They were at her house & one thing led
another. My son stopped in the middle of the act and explained that he wasn't sure about his
feelings for her & didn't want to hurt her and also didn't want to be hurt himself so they decided to take
take it slow & not introduce sex into the relationship @ that point.

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Stopped in the middle of the act... if you want to talk in nebulous wording, we can only guess at the meaning. Me, I saw that as two naked persons, one a child, stopping themselves at the very last moment before intercourse was conducted.

hardly a kiss.

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Quoting worriedmom223

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I am focused. I am not out of touch w/reality or delusion al. I get what you are saying and that is how the law is written... The terminology (assault, sex offender, etc.) Is very upsetting. I understand that the law states she is a victim but a victim of... My son not checking her I'd?

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Yes, exactly. Even if this girl begged, pleaded, put it in writing, and swore on a stack of bibles that she wanted ANY sort of sexual contact with your son, she is legally a CHILD and had NO recognized ability to CONSENT to such actions. The burden in such cases is on the ADULT.

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Her own family not telling him she was not 18 and was really 14?

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You can come up with a list of LOTS of people who COULD have said something, but that doesn't change the legal reality that it was HIS responsibilty.

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A victim of her very own choice to lie?

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Which isn't a crime. No one is saying this girl is an angel, but she isn't LEGALLY liable here.

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A victim because my so kissed her?

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Yes.

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I think it is total BS that the kissing warrants the lovely title of "sex offender" and being grouped in with true child predators, molesters, pedophiles, kidnappers, rapist etc!!

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Then start a campaign to change the law (which still won't change your son's situation). I'd suggest campaigning to get schools to teach this stuff - but there are a LOT of parents out there who would object (thinking that talking about sex makes kids MORE likely to do it) - and ultimately the schools will argue back that this is a PARENT'S responsibility to teach their kids the legalities and moralities of sexual activity. I'd make sure to get a new identity and have a new home and community to move to before you start - mobs have a way of "discouraging" folks who advocate that they want adults to have unfettered access to 14 year olds.

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It is offensive and appalling that no one else has to hold some of the blame.

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Morally, someone else DOES have to hold the blame. That would be YOU as his parent for not driving home the concept of thinking with his upstairs brain before his downstairs brain does something that could put him in jail. Her parents also did HER a dis-service by not providing adequate supervision. But legally, as an adult, his actions and choices fall only on HIM.

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Her own family knew she lied and failed to inform him!!

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Then go file a police report, and ask the state to press charges on her parents for failure to protect. Let us know how that turns out.

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The girl admitted she was fully aware of what she was doing when she told him she was 18.

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Children aren't legally recognized as being ABLE to be "fully aware" of the consequences of their actions - which is why we don't let them drink , drive, have firearms, or have sex until they are no longer children.

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And I honestly can't swallow the law calling her a victim...

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Then you'll have to choke on it. But she's the victim. And that's not going to change.

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. She still calls our house.

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If she's calling your home then you file a police report for harassing communications.

If a man would have stopped at the same point with your son when HE was 14, what would you be saying?

If a woman would have stopped at the same point with your son when HE was 14, what would you be saying?

Because, in the eyes of the law, both situations are exactly the same.

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Quoting cyjeff

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Feel better?

Good.

This is something known as "blaming the victim". The victim's actions, dress or reputation somehow made it okay to make her a victim.

Whether or not you like it, the law is clear. It is up to any person to make sure that their partner is old enough for sexual intimacy.

By the way... I have never heard of anyone going to prison for a kiss. If you are trying to minimize the contact, that won't fly.

You said, and I quote:



Stopped in the middle of the act... if you want to talk in nebulous wording, we can only guess at the meaning. Me, I saw that as two naked persons, one a child, stopping themselves at the very last moment before intercourse was conducted.

hardly a kiss.

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Well.... They were not naked... They were kissing.... "Making out". My son is the one that stopped out of respect for the girl and himself. Clearly I see that the law states that is a crime... I grasp that - it simply seems wrong that all the responsibility falls on my son. I don't blame the girl nor do I blame my son. I am not minimizing anything... Would not try to zip anything past you... I was simply asking about the sentencing... I don't see how the group A sex offender requirements apply to my son. The 90 days in county and 3 yrs probation is not included in the question... We have no disagreement there...

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Quoting cyjeff

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If a man would have stopped at the same point with your son when HE was 14, what would you be saying?

If a woman would have stopped at the same point with your son when HE was 14, what would you be saying?

Because, in the eyes of the law, both situations are exactly the same.

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I would be saying the exact same things I am saying now and I also would be holding my son accountable for lying about his age

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Quoting aardvarc

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Yes, exactly. Even if this girl begged, pleaded, put it in writing, and swore on a stack of bibles that she wanted ANY sort of sexual contact with your son, she is legally a CHILD and had NO recognized ability to CONSENT to such actions. The burden in such cases is on the ADULT.




You can come up with a list of LOTS of people who COULD have said something, but that doesn't change the legal reality that it was HIS responsibilty.



Which isn't a crime. No one is saying this girl is an angel, but she isn't LEGALLY liable here.




Yes.




Then start a campaign to change the law (which still won't change your son's situation). I'd suggest campaigning to get schools to teach this stuff - but there are a LOT of parents out there who would object (thinking that talking about sex makes kids MORE likely to do it) - and ultimately the schools will argue back that this is a PARENT'S responsibility to teach their kids the legalities and moralities of sexual activity. I'd make sure to get a new identity and have a new home and community to move to before you start - mobs have a way of "discouraging" folks who advocate that they want adults to have unfettered access to 14 year olds.




Morally, someone else DOES have to hold the blame. That would be YOU as his parent for not driving home the concept of thinking with his upstairs brain before his downstairs brain does something that could put him in jail. Her parents also did HER a dis-service by not providing adequate supervision. But legally, as an adult, his actions and choices fall only on HIM.




Then go file a police report, and ask the state to press charges on her parents for failure to protect. Let us know how that turns out.




Children aren't legally recognized as being ABLE to be "fully aware" of the consequences of their actions - which is why we don't let them drink , drive, have firearms, or have sex until they are no longer children.




Then you'll have to choke on it. But she's the victim. And that's not going to change.




If she's calling your home then you file a police report for harassing communications.

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charges were filed against the mom....outcome still pending.
I am not saying my son did not make a mistake and that mistake resulted in a crime. n
I am certainly not saying 20 year olds should have unfettered access to 14 year olds!!!! She was aware of the consequences... i am not trying to change the situation I was trying to see the reasoning my son is now required to comply with group a sex offender requirements.... seemed too harsh for the situation. that is all! each of you have clearly been stuck on your own issues with my question and or wording. i myself am a victim of sexual abuse when I was a child... age 3-10 at the hands of my own father and yes i see all of the points you are making but my father never spent one day in jail nor did he have to register.....and he did know what he was doing and did alot more than kiss me! the only punishment he had was his own guilt to which he put an end to with a gunshot to his head when I was 13. once again...... thanks for your replies.

You are a victim and don't see the reasons for the punishment?

Do you believe you have responsibility for being abused? Were you, somehow, partially responsible for what happened?

Of course you weren't. Neither is she.

I'm sorry, I don't believe for one minute that he was charged as a sex offender for nothing beyond kissing. There's either something you don't know, or something you're not telling us. Someone is lying here about what happend (beyond the girl lying about her age), and I have a feeling it's your angel of a son. No matter how honest you claim he is.

Whether you like it or not, the law is not going to hold the child responsible for lying about her age. Lying about her age is not a crime. Committing a sexual act of any kind upon a 14 year old is.

Since clearly the only answer you are willing to accept is that someone other than your son should be held accountable for his actions, please contact your elected representatives and tell them how wrong it is that a sex offender is required to register as one, and how a 14 year old should be held responsible for acts that she is not legally able to consent to. Let us know how that comes out for you.

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Quoting cbg

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i'm sorry, i don't believe for one minute that he was charged as a sex offender for nothing beyond kissing. There's either something you don't know, or something you're not telling us. Someone is lying here about what happend (beyond the girl lying about her age), and i have a feeling it's your angel of a son. No matter how honest you claim he is.

Whether you like it or not, the law is not going to hold the child responsible for lying about her age. Lying about her age is not a crime. Committing a sexual act of any kind upon a 14 year old is.

Since clearly the only answer you are willing to accept is that someone other than your son should be held accountable for his actions, please contact your elected representatives and tell them how wrong it is that a sex offender is required to register as one, and how a 14 year old should be held responsible for acts that she is not legally able to consent to. Let us know how that comes out for you.

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you are incorrect!!!! I was there during the investigators questioning, and every step after!!! They were kissing!!!!!! You can't tell me someone is lying and it is my son! You don't know us, you have your opinon and i don't have to like it or agree with it but i will not sit back and allow you to claim someone is lying. If you want the case# and information needed to search the records and documents on our court web site i will gladly give that to you so you can see for yourself the facts of the case. I never said my son should not be held responsible. I have stated multiple times now that i was only wondering if the sentence was normal and wanted to fully understand how the incindent warranted him to be required to comply with group a sex offender requirements. I do not view my sons offense compatible with child rape, child molestation, sexual abuse/assault/battery pedophiles, ect. And feel that it is extreme to classify him on that level.
Additionally.... If a minor can not consent, or be held responsible for thier actions based upon age and the lack of understanding consequences how is it they can be charged and held responsible for committing a crime? My asking this does not imply i am blaming the girl. It is only asking why it appears the law is "talking out of both sides of it mouth" so to speak.
Again i state... The jail time and probation period isn't being disputed nor am i attempting to change it in any way. I feel it was handed down with the consideration of the case details. He got 90 days in county jail and 3 years probation. And could have gotten up to 5 years in prison.... The judge did suspend a 6 month prison sentence and $4150 of the $5000 fine was suspended as well. The registering as a sex offender is what i feel is unfairly handed him.... The level he is grouped into is the same as the most horrible perps are on..... Not one of the 2 lower classifications... The worst offenders are group a offenders!!! I am sorry this topic has gone into this back and forth seemingly bickering state... I was only looking for some insight.

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Quoting cyjeff

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You are a victim and don't see the reasons for the punishment?

Do you believe you have responsibility for being abused? Were you, somehow, partially responsible for what happened?

Of course you weren't. Neither is she.

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she was not abused

If all he was doing was kissing, and all the police accused him of doing was kissing, why did he testify under oath at his plea hearing that he committed sexual acts upon the girl?

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Quoting worriedmom223

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she was not abused

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The little girl was 100%, no doubt about it, no room for discussion, sure as the sun is coming up tomorrow, abused.

Our children want to do things all the time that they believe they are ready for. It is the responsibility of the adults in their lives to protect them from the decisions.

So... if your father had said you really wanted his attention, what would you say? Before your hair rises on the back of your neck, realize that this is a common point made by pedophiles about their victims... that they really wanted it and age was just a number.

Your son is a pedophile. No doubt about it. You say there are mitigating circumstances.

The law doesn't agree.

Hmmmm.

Top tier offender status for merely kissing the child?

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Additionally.... If a minor can not consent, or be held responsible for thier actions based upon age and the lack of understanding consequences how is it they can be charged and held responsible for committing a crime?

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I've reread all the posts, and I'm still confused. Who is the minor who has been charged with a crime?

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Quoting justtoonice

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I've reread all the posts, and I'm still confused. Who is the minor who has been charged with a crime?

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No minors.

OP's son was 20. Child was 14.

:)

OP is using the example of a child being held responsible IF they do commit a crime.

I will agree that sex offender registry laws need to be changed. I'm not afraid of the 16 year old having consensual sex with his 14 year old girlfriend. I am afraid of the guy that commits a breaking and entering and a rape, or grabs a person off the street.

That said....under the current laws, your son is a sex offender.

Don't want the label - don't do the crime.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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OP is using the example of a child being held responsible IF they do commit a crime.

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I see; thank you.

The "initiation of force against another's body or property is wrong" is learned at a much earlier age than how to protect one's emerging sexuality from an adult's overbearing hormones, and so is reflected in the criminal code.