The first clue that this isn't a good idea was your own words. How about you try telling that to a military spouse who is stationed overseas? Or maybe someone like me, who has been married for many years, during which time there were extended absences as he was in another state for his job? It's NOT the time or distance that tears you apart, it's the maturity of the people involved.Quote:
Quoting Batty777
If you really love this girl, you'll wait. If this relationship was meant to be, two years is a short time to wait for a lifetime.
Can We Get Married or Am I a Criminal
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08-19-2010, 08:43 AMmamabear2102003Re: Can We Get Married or Am I a Criminal
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08-19-2010, 02:19 PMaardvarcRe: Can We Get Married or Am I a Criminal
Not to mention the fact that her parents can seek a restraining order against you to COMPLETELY prevent you from seeing their daughter. Even IF you got her pregnant. (You could go to court, establish yourself as the father, get to pay child support for 18 years, and be granted visitation with the CHILD - but until she is 18, even WITH a child, her parents have the absolute legal authority to prevent you from seeing HER. At all. Even if she's mommy to your baby.) So don't be fooled that getting her pregnant will accomplish anything other than giving her parents massive ammunition against you, which the courts will agree with. Until she's 18.
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08-19-2010, 06:46 PMPandorasBoxRe: Can We Get Married or Am I a Criminal
I'm going sound kind of rude here.
Having a baby just to marry? Do you know how much it costs to raise a baby? Do both of you want a baby at this point in your young lives? Look up Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin....see how well a baby is working out for them....
If that doesn't scare you....go to a store, look at the prices of baby food, diapers, baby toys, a crib, baby blankets....do the math....
I'd say be casual friends until she turns 18....Do not even kiss. Keep the monster in your pants. (Oh, did any of us mention....if you have sex with her and her parents get mad....you can find yourself in jail, needing a lawyer, and possibly on the Sex Offender Registry for the rest of your life.....)
Until she turns 18...you both should be working jobs and saving money, and having only "friends only" contact. -
08-19-2010, 10:51 PMmrshigginsRe: Can We Get Married or Am I a CriminalI think you should start by NOT using anecdotes as fact. I am sure you could easily google the statistics of teenage marriage, or even early adulthood marriages. They are more likely to end in divorce than older couples. AND the odds are stacked even more against you when children are invovled (because honestly, they can cause a lot of stress in immature people; and given that you are a mere 18 and she is 16, I can almost guarentee that you aren't as mature as you think you are).Quote:
Quoting Batty777
And yes you are the wise age of 18 who legally doesn't need to be parented, but your girlfriend isn't done with her CHILDhood...
I hope that you can look into the future and realize that 2 years isn't a lifetime, that having a child at 16/18 will make your life extremely difficult, and that most likely your girlfriends parents aren't as bad as she is making them out to be. And if my 16 year old was contemplating on getting pregnant or marrying at that age, I would've locked her in her room and I'd be damned if she'd be with an 18 year old boy.
I can see it. I see it every damn day; kids (21, 22) in jail for sexual crimes that happened when they were 18.Quote:
Quoting Batty777
I think in pretty much every state if the parents agree to the marriage then it's a done deal. But if one parent doesn't consent, then it's a no go (of course that's if the opposing parent has any parental rights to the child). -
08-20-2010, 02:22 AMashman165Re: Can We Get Married or Am I a CriminalConsider: we have to have at some point along the way some set of parameters. It's an arbitrary age, to be sure, but it's what we have. So, then we turn to weighing interests. The state has an interest in (as does the society) in giving to children a stable home with, presumably, two loving parents. To that end, (and independently of it), crimes carry different grades with them. Since the one in question isn't among our most egregious, we have a more pragmatic approach.Quote:
Quoting Batty777
So, when a child comes into the picture, there's an incentive for the state to not jail one of its parents for having sex with its other parent. Is the system imperfect and seemingly odd at times? You bet. Is there a better solution that a.) helps to protect minors from manipulation into sex, b.) takes into account that once a third life is in the balance its concerns have to be met? There are other systems which would work probably about just as well. However, if the net result is roughly the same, there's no impetus to change.
It's a lot of effort to get the same net result we have now. Find a superior system and then present that for public debate.
You're 18. Don't screw up your life for immediate gratification. The reason we hear so much being made of couples who married as high school sweethearts and lasted the decades is because it is exceedingly rare. I have never even met such a couple in person; I've only heard about them on the infotainment channels (CNN, MSNBC and the like). If what the two of you have is so very special and lasting, then this turmoil will only show to you each how strong it is. If it can't withstand this hiccough, it isn't what you thought it was.
Dogmatique, thanks. I do what I can! -
08-20-2010, 05:08 AMPandorasBoxRe: Can We Get Married or Am I a Criminal
My friend did the marry the High School Sweetheart thing. They had 4 kids. They divorced 5 years ago, when the oldest was 13.
Kids...marriage is not as easy as you think it is. Can you agree on things like a budget, splitting chores, time with friends, hobbies....add in jobs and work hours....if you have a baby, how do you split the caretaking?