Ex is Smoking Pot with My Kids

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Arizona
My 13 yearold has just told me that his mother and my 15 and 17 year old daughters smoke pot in the house together. He is here on a visitation and has to fly out next week back to Iowa. Mom has no out of state orders just the orders we have in Arizona. I had custody of them for 5 years and gave the kids back to her 3 years ago because she made it impossible for me to raise my kids. My son says this has been going on for the last 3 years and he is sick of it and wants to come live with me. I don't think I can do an emergency custody because it is just him telling me this. I know he is telling me the truth. She is a flake and moves every 6 months and cannot keep jobs. She is a school teacher!! I noticed she had marijuana related pages on her facebook and took them off just b4 my son came to visit. She has made it virtualy impossible for me to see my son and has completely alienated me from my daughters. I emailed her and told her my son told me about what has been going on and she has ignored me. I told her I was going to call the police and have my lawyer start proceedings against her if she wouldn't let my son stay here with me. I really don't know if I have a case on my 13 year olds word. His mother will say he is lying because he wants to live here with me. he says there is constant fighting omong them and the police came and took the oldest for a mental exam after a fist fight with her sisiter. any thoughts on what i can do and if my son's word will be enough.

Call the police about what exactly?

Frankly without proof there is no reason to modify custody at all and your son's word is not proof. How does your son know they're smoking pot? How can he tell the difference? What is his exposure, exactly?

With that said if your son is present while Mom and more importantly the girls are smoking pot together, he's old enough to call 911 and/or CPS.

By the way - I don't smoke pot at all, but I am a proponent of medical marijuana laws, and there are links to advocacy sites on some of my social networking sites.

When you are a 13 year old boy that lives with 3 women that are older and very dominate, it would be very hard to call the cops on them or tell anyone. I am sure he has been told what will happen if he does..mom goes to jail and they would be taken away ect. He has finally had enough and doesn't care anymore. I will be contacting cps and the police when he goes home and his school also. I was just wondering what my chances are with no proof except his word. I am sure she will come out squeaky clean because after all, she is a "teacher" she can do no wrong. Thanks for your opinion. And I myself wish the laws would change regarding marijuana. But, the fact is it is still illegal and I sure as heck would not put myself in a place where I could get my children taken away from me and start my 12 year and 14 year old smoking pot. Ask any crackhead or herion addict what they started on...Why would you feel the need to get your 12 and 14 year old "high" ? It disgusts me. I don't think they medicaly needed it.

I'm sorry.

I think you missed the point I was trying to make.

Your son's word is NOT going to constitute proof, and neither will your suspicions.

You did not answer my question however - how does your son know the difference between hand-rolled cigarettes, pot, and/or legal herbal smokes?

He knows it's pot because he sees and hears about it daily, they smoke it to get high. He says Mom started smoking it to help her sleep. They use a bong evidently.It's plain old marijuana to get stoned on...the ILLEGAL kind. He has ears and knows all their friends get high. I knew what marijuana was when I was 13 and knew the smell and was around people that smoked it. BUT my mom and dad sure as heck werent smoking it around me or in my home or offering it to me. trust me, its not any special herb or anything that is legal.

But what PROOF is there?

The word of a 13 year old isn't going to trigger a change in custody.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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But what PROOF is there?

The word of a 13 year old isn't going to trigger a change in custody.

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Dog, I agree that a 13 year old's statement alone wouldn't be enough for a custody change, but wouldn't it be enough to get a CPS investigation started? Would the OP be best advised to contact CPS and/or teach his son to call while mom and the two daughters are high?

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Dog, I agree that a 13 year old's statement alone wouldn't be enough for a custody change, but wouldn't it be enough to get a CPS investigation started?

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This will vary based on how overloaded CPS is, but yes, usually that's plenty to get CPS involved.

OP's kidlet should tell someone at school - teacher, counselor, school resource officer - and ask them to make the call. CPS doesn't do command performances, so him calling while the rest of the household is stoned is not going to do much.

Even this is not going to move quickly. Sparkers are pretty savvy about hiding their weed, and often do a great job of faking out the authorities for a long time before slipping up.

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Quoting NdK1009

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Dog, I agree that a 13 year old's statement alone wouldn't be enough for a custody change, but wouldn't it be enough to get a CPS investigation started? Would the OP be best advised to contact CPS and/or teach his son to call while mom and the two daughters are high?

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That's what I advised OP in my first response... ;)

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Ask any crackhead or herion addict what they started on.

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Do you know many,how many have you asked?
If they did move up then cannabis must have been too weak.I don't smoke but I would like the option.

I don't understand why Mom wouldn't let him live with you.If he really wants to I would think that it might be easier to just talk her into it.If your the monster Mom has been telling them about then she has nothing to worry about because he will want to go back.
I am not taking your wife's side I just think logic and calm might be the answer.An investigation at her end might make her even more adversarial.
As a parent I would want my child to be with the parent they want as long as it is safe. I would coach my child to get Mom to agree.

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Quoting greenmancan

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Do you know many,how many have you asked?
If they did move up then cannabis must have been too weak.I don't smoke but I would like the option.

I don't understand why Mom wouldn't let him live with you.If he really wants to I would think that it might be easier to just talk her into it.If your the monster Mom has been telling them about then she has nothing to worry about because he will want to go back.
I am not taking your wife's side I just think logic and calm might be the answer.An investigation at her end might make her even more adversarial.
As a parent I would want my child to be with the parent they want as long as it is safe. I would coach my child to get Mom to agree.

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Please don't take this the wrong way - but that is an absolutely craptacular idea!

You should NEVER EVER coach your child/ren and put them in the middle like this! And they do NOT get to choose where they live!

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You should NEVER EVER coach your child/ren and put them in the middle like this! And they do NOT get to choose where they live!

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Actually I agree,but if I believed he was in danger that would go out the window.Coach was a bad choice of words.
How about help him articulate his concerns and desires to Mom.
It is unfortunate that Mom has been doing this already according to the OP.I've seen parents who accuse the other of being a "Disney parent"then after sending the child to the other the child wants to come home.
They don't get to choose but sometimes it's in everyone's best interest to go with the lesser stress.I find it hard to believe that Mom can walk away feeling good about what she's doing after her son tells her what he has been able to articulate to Dad.I will admit I am often surprised by how callous people can be.