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How to Establish Consistent Visitation with a Child Who Lives Several States Away

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  • 07-01-2010, 02:55 PM
    chi dad
    How to Establish Consistent Visitation with a Child Who Lives Several States Away
    Hello All!
    Thanks in advance for any tips/advice you may give and for your time! I am having a huge struggle with the mother of my son and her allowing me and him to spend the time that I feel we should be entitled too. To give a brief background, son was born in Chicago and mother up and left 2 weeks after the birth back to her home state of FL. In an effort to try and mend things and be the good guy, I followed her to FL where I was seeing my son regularly every other weekend. We reconciled and for a moment we lived together as a family until she decided that sex with one man wasnt good enough for her, and she up and left to live with her new BF 120 miles away. So I went back to seeing my son every other weekend (almost consistently) and have since moved back to my home state of IL. Since I have been here I have gone down to see my son and he has traveled up here to spend time with me here. I am now in a new relationship and my fiancee is expecting and I was attempting to arrange the next couple of visits that me and my son would spend in the coming months. In my attempt to do so, the mother of my son has decided that I am to be limited to seeing my son 1 week every 4 months because she feels that I (despite me paying more supprt that I am ordered to pay) that I do not give her enough money and therefore am unfit and that it is unhealthy for him to be away from her and her BFs for anything more than that. So I offered up mediation which she has shot down before and she continuously expresses to me that IF she were to go to mediation with me, that she would at the most stretch the amount of time that me and my son would spend together to perhaps be 1 week every 3 months. I know this is more a of rant at this point in my post, but I need help. I contacted some attorneys in FL and am about to pay a $3500 retainer fee which I can barely afford as is. I would like to try mediation, but if I could get her to go, she will not be cooperative or flexible enough to find a middle ground. So i feel like that would be a waste of my time and money. If I go through the legal battle of court or mediation, what amount of time could I realistically expect to spend with my son? I know every case is different and that no one here can tell me for certain the amount of days or anything like that. But what could i expect to have the courts/mediator order? I am employed, drug free, crime free loving father who cherishes every second I spend with my little boy and I can't go on living life letting this evil woman dictate how and when I get to spend the time that me and my son deserve. Again, thanx for reading/helping. If more details are needed just ask! :) Chi Dad
  • 07-01-2010, 03:06 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Il Dad Trying to Establish Consistent Visitation with Son in Florida
    How old is your son?

    It may make a difference as you're talking about a long-distance parenting plan.
  • 07-01-2010, 03:36 PM
    chi dad
    Re: Il Dad Trying to Establish Consistent Visitation with Son in Florida
    he turns 5 in September. I have been back in IL since last November and have had consistent time with him up until she decided that she doesnt like the idea of our son becoming a big brother and that the court order child support payment is not enough. Despite me sending in more than I am required to pay. Thank you again
  • 07-01-2010, 04:03 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Il Dad Trying to Establish Consistent Visitation with Son in Florida
    This is an idea of what you are looking at in terms of FL long distance parenting plans.


    There's a wealth of information there, even if it doesn't strictly apply to your particular judicial district (or rather, Mom's). FL is pretty good with trying to stay consistent with such things between jurisdictions.

    Good luck!
  • 07-01-2010, 04:30 PM
    chi dad
    Re: How to Establish Consistent Visitation with a Child Who Lives Several States Away
    wow lots of info there! thank you....briefly spoke the mom just now and she seems to be leaning towards attempting mediation! I don't know exactly what to ask for. I obviously want to spend as much time with me as possible but understand that he needs a healthy relationship with both of his parents. I am assuming that when we go to a mediator, that she will ask for her schedule and I will ask for mine and that we will meet somewhere in between. Am I totally off in thinking that? Because if so, I do not know what to request nor what to expect in the amount of time we can spend with one another. I'd like to have him for an extended stay over the summer, winter breaks and spring breaks and local visits by me every other month or more often if possible.
  • 07-01-2010, 04:42 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: How to Establish Consistent Visitation with a Child Who Lives Several States Away
    Well, his age is a factor although even at 5 years old it's not uncommon to have extended visitation during summer and the breaks you've mentioned. Alternating Christmas and Thanksgiving is also common.

    If you can come to an agreement with Mom it's always better than dragging it out through the courts and if Mom is willing to go to mediation that's a good thing.

    Start looking into those long distance plans. There are also some great tips on long-distance parenting right here

    You can request webcam visitation too for the times you can't be physically visiting. This is becoming more and more popular and is a really decent way of keeping contact when you're separated by such a long distance.

    Keep communicating with Mom. Ask for her input - don't make any demands, and make it clear to her that you are 10000% committed to co-parenting with her for the next 13 years or so, and that your ear is always going to be open to what she has to say.
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