Thanks for all the advice. A few things are running through my mind. I get all the venom and hatred that's out there for guys like me, but the fact of the matter is that I'm deeply concerned for his well being. I'll be the first to admit that I should have exhibited that starting 12 years ago and it's on me to deal with that. I never said that I was going to change his life upside down. If I did it was misunderstood.
This is where it's clear I'm in the minority. There are guys out there that say they want to get reconnected and then 3 months later are gone. That isn't me at all. I have nothing but true remorse for what I've done and what I've put him through. Unfortunately, for his sake, I can't turn back the clock but I can make his future a good one. And I am *very aware* that it won't happen overnight. It's going to be a long process, and lot of counseling, I'm sure. I believe the hardest part will be communicating with his mother.
All I want is to speak with him every day that I can and let him know that he can count on me. To let him know that his father was a schmuck for 12 years but a day hasn't gone by where I didn't think about him in some regard. Simply put, *no one* on this Earth knows exactly how another is feeling, regardless of experience.
As far as getting in touch with her though, I'm running into a problem. I tried calling yesterday and the number has been disconnected. I tried calling KPC and the court trustee, neither of them would give any info, which I expected. My last resort is SRS and the gal who has me send her the insurance cards which she in turn passes on to his mother. I'm thinking it's a safe assumption that she won't be able to give it to me. At that point, the options are facebook, and if that seems like a bad idea (which I really do) then I'll beg the lawyer I meet with to let me talk to her (after he gets her info) before papers go out.
Entering a Child's Life After Twelve Year Absence
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06-28-2010, 10:15 AMJHwkinKSRe: Not Sure That I Need to Go to Court
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06-28-2010, 10:38 AMmamabear2102003Re: Entering a Child's Life After Twelve Year Absence
As much as I think that you are in the wrong for bailing out, facebook allows private messages to be sent, as does myspace, if she has accounts. Many contacts are made in this manner. Honestly, don't count on the hardest part being communicating with mom. At 12, you may find that communicating with him after all these years is difficult. You are going to ask him to accept you as a parent, when in fact, he has no clue who you are, and may not for many years.
If you have indeed been paying child support, the local child support enforcement agency should have a recent address for her, which may be available to an atty working on your behalf to contact your ex. -
06-28-2010, 07:06 PMCourtClerkRe: Entering a Child's Life After Twelve Year AbsenceWrong again. CSE doesn't go giving out information all willy nilly... even if you are an atty.Quote:
Quoting mamabear2102003
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06-28-2010, 07:10 PMDogmatiqueRe: Not Sure That I Need to Go to CourtQuote:
Quoting JHwkinKS
But here's the thing. He cannot count on you. He has never been able to count on you. Ever. It's lip service. If you're sincere, you'll do the right thing BY HIM - not by you.
If that means not having contact, so be it.
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As far as getting in touch with her though, I'm running into a problem. I tried calling yesterday and the number has been disconnected. I tried calling KPC and the court trustee, neither of them would give any info, which I expected. My last resort is SRS and the gal who has me send her the insurance cards which she in turn passes on to his mother. I'm thinking it's a safe assumption that she won't be able to give it to me. At that point, the options are facebook, and if that seems like a bad idea (which I really do) then I'll beg the lawyer I meet with to let me talk to her (after he gets her info) before papers go out.
The attorney can't make Mom talk to you or even acknowledge your existence.