I live in california,
I'm 16 years old and hes 25 years old and we have been dating for 13 months i love him so much and he means everything to me. Here is my question:
I live under my mom and both my parents are split up and my dad lives in another county. My mom does not want the dating and we stopped the relationship, but since he has been apart of my life and my moms side she is allowing us to just be friends.
My dad on the other hand doesn't want me to have contact with him or see him. my dad has never meet him or now him like my mom does. Hes telling me if I don't stop seeing him he will turn him into the police.
Can my ex-boyfriend(25 year old) get in trouble for just being my friend if the mom says its ok but the dad says no? I don;t want to just give him up hes very close to me and i don't think its fare.
Hes just worried that he will get in trouble for stuff that we have never done.. like sex and other stuff... my dad is never around and had no prof on anything doesn't there have to be prof?
I'm 16 and He's 25
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06-14-2010, 03:24 PMpure-beautyI'm 16 and He's 25
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06-14-2010, 03:40 PMcbgRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
I know before I say it that you will not believe me but I'm getting used to banging my head against the wall so here goes:
There are only two reasons a 25 year old would be hanging around with a 16 year old. One of them is that there is something very seriously wrong with him emotionally and developmentally; the other is that he's biding his time until he can have sex with you.
In either case you are under the care, custody and control of your parents. If mom says yes, just friends and dad says no, not at all, that's something the two of them will have to decide. But there are NO circumstances under which the law is going to force your parent/parents to allow you to see, talk to, or have any contact whatsoever with someone they do not want you to see, talk to or contact. And when I say that, I mean the law will permit your dad to block ALL contact, including messages left on Facebook or Myspace, IMing, notes passed between friends, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, singing telegrams, or ASL. If Dad says no, then unless Mom can convince him of otherwise it's NO.
And if Dad says no and he contacts you anyway OR EVEN IF YOU CONTACT HIM, then YES, he can get into trouble with the law. Regardless of whether you're doing anything sexual or not. -
06-14-2010, 03:42 PMDogmatiqueRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
Even worse is that he's been seeing this child since she was 15....
...so, OP? If YOU mean everything to HIM, he'll leave you alone until you're an adult. -
06-14-2010, 04:01 PMpure-beautyRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
See what I hate is when people say hes only with me for sex will guess what hes been with me for more then a year and he has never asked or forced anything on me, regardless if hes waiting till i'm 18 then guess what i'm free game. And i also hate when people say there something wrong with him or disturbed about him because hes 25 and hanging out with a 16 year old.
Lets just think for a sec.. not to long ago there were couples getting married when the girl was 14 and the guy was in his 20's.. just ask your grandparents and you will see most of the time there is 10 sometimes even 15 years apart.. like my grandparents are 16 years apart and are 53 years happily still married.
I'm not arguing that this is law.. i'm just arguing that theres always comments that there something wrong with him.. or in worst cases a pedophile.
I just want an honest answer as into can he get in trouble if theres no prof and can we still be friends and not have the law up are asses. -
06-14-2010, 04:04 PMDogmatiqueRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
My grandparents - who would be quite obviously quite a bit older than yours - were four years apart.
Their parents were three years apart.
THEIR parents were also three years apart.
And my actual parents?
Born on the same day. Same year.
Yes, there is something wrong with a 24 year old who wants to date a 15 year old CHILD. You, my dear, are nowhere near mature enough to contemplate an adult relationship - as your previous post proves. -
06-14-2010, 04:15 PMpure-beautyRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
Did I say everyones situation is like that? I was just making a point that its funny how people automatically think worse case when you really don't know the situation. I came to expert law to find info on law not peoples opinion on something they probably will never understand.
So again i'm asking is there anything my dad can do if we are just friends? will his case even stand in court if we are 1. not dating 2. just friends and 3. mother who i live with says its ok. -
06-14-2010, 04:17 PMDogmatiqueRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
Yes, your Dad can go to court and request a restraining order which frankly would likely be granted.
Since you asked.
Do you SERIOUSLY think that we don't understand?
We've all been hormonal teenagers, sweetypie. -
06-14-2010, 04:19 PMpure-beautyRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
So my dad that I don't live with and only see once in while and he don't even pay child support and get a restraining order? when hes in a different county & i'm under my moms and step dads full custody.
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06-14-2010, 04:22 PMDogmatiqueRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
Yes.
He can. -
06-14-2010, 04:51 PMcyjeffRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
Unca Jeffy has had to get involved a lot lately...
Princess, there is only one reason that a 25 year old man wants to date a child... so that he can mold you into the "woman" he wants you to be. Sex is part of that, but only part.
No, you say, your relationship is different. We don't know you, you say...
Tell ya what... I will bet you $1,000 towards your college education that he has used at least half of these phrases in the last year...
"You are so mature for your age."
"Women my age just don't understand me."
"You understand me so much better than women my age."
"Age is just a number."
"Romeo and Juliet were only 14 years old."
"Fifty years ago, this age difference wouldn't have mattered at all."
"Your parents are divorced. They don't understand a true love like ours. All they see are our ages."
"We won't have sex until you are ready. But when you are ready, so am I."
"I want to be with you my whole life... and I want that life to start right now."
Before you come back on here and tell us how little we know, ask your Mr. Wonderful the ages of his last three girlfriends... and his age at the time.
What you will find is a pattern.... once he found an age that his lines worked on, he stayed dating that age. I am guessing around 15 or 16.
Don't believe me? Ask HIM.
This is akin to you dating a seven year old child. How much would you two have to talk about? What interests would you have in common?
I assure you that there is just as much change between 7 and 16 and 16 and 25. Yeah, I know... you really think you are getting close to maturity... but I can tell you that you are not nearly as close as you think. -
06-14-2010, 04:51 PMcbgRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
And you got the law. Yes. Until or unless your Dad's rights as a parent are stripped by the court, he has every right to say that you are not allowed to see someone that he doesn't want you to see.
And the days when girls were marrying at 14 were really quite a long time ago. At a time when the overall life expectancy was about 30. -
06-14-2010, 04:54 PMDogmatiqueRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 NeedQuote:
Quoting cbg
Well yes...there IS that.... ;)
Quote:
Quoting cyjeff
*applause*
Anyone willing to wager kiddo is back in a couple of years asking how she can have her bf's parental rights terminated? -
06-14-2010, 05:14 PMpure-beautyRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 NeedOK i agree, but molding can be good or bad... because lets see he don't do drugs or anything that can harm my life in that way. He never asked or forced me to do anything I didn't want to. and if anything he has help me in school when others wouldn't.Quote:
Quoting cyjeff
And i'm the first girl he has ever dated this young.. i know all his other GF's other then the ones he had in high school, but all of them are around his age no lower then 22. -
06-14-2010, 05:16 PMDogmatiqueRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
You mean that's what he TOLD you.
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06-14-2010, 05:25 PMaaronRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 Need
If the question is, "Can my dad say I can't date an adult until I turn 18", the answer is "Yes."
If the question is really about all the things you say he doesn't want you to do, then read this. -
06-14-2010, 05:25 PMcbgRe: I'm 16 and He's 25
Okay, fine. He's an angel and walks on water.
But that does not change the fact that your dad has the legal right to prevent you from communicating with him. -
06-14-2010, 05:35 PMcyjeffRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 NeedAnd right there... that gives every adult on this board pause. Molding is always bad when it comes from an adult with a romantic interest in you... and the moment you believe that you need to look to someone other than your parents for guidance, you have chosen a path that shows just how unready you are for this relationship.Quote:
Quoting pure-beauty
Your father's rule is law.... your law. As Aaron pointed out, you lose. -
06-14-2010, 05:36 PMpure-beautyRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 NeedNow i'm starting to question how mature you really are? sounds like your a little one sided to everything...Quote:
Quoting Dogmatique
are you married or did that end? and if it did i wonder why..... :confused: -
06-14-2010, 05:42 PMcyjeffRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 NeedAh... so now you believe if we don't all want to join hands with you and celebrate your emotional rape by an adult predator (which is exactly how the law will see him), we, somehow, don't understand how love works.Quote:
Quoting pure-beauty
do you have any idea of the odds of your relationship making it 6 more months? if you have sex, your relationship will fall apart within, statistically speaking, 2 weeks. -
06-14-2010, 05:42 PMPattyPARe: Im 16 and Hes 25 NeedShe'll learn. The hard way, probably.Quote:
Quoting pure-beauty
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06-14-2010, 05:44 PMcbgRe: I'm 16 and He's 25
It's not the posters here that are one-sided, princess. It's the law.
And I know you will find this infuriating, and you won't believe me, but you are simply not old enough to have the kind of judgement your parents have. We've all been 16, and so have your parents. But you haven't been - older than 16.
We simply have more experience with the law, and with human nature, than you have. -
06-14-2010, 05:57 PMcdwjavaRe: I'm 16 and He's 25Dad can attempt to get a restraining order against him, and if he can show that the two of you had sex, he can go to prison.Quote:
Quoting pure-beauty
He might be able to get the guy into trouble, yes. And, quite frankly, he might even be able to get mom in trouble for permitting this relationship. I'd say he has solid grounds to cause trouble for mom's custody. It is not usual for a man of 25 to be dating a 16 year old for a host of reasons. When you are an adult of 18, and if he still finds you attractive and you find him still to be Mr, Wonderful, the two of you can carry on. Until then, you could cause him a great many problems if dad wants to stir the pot.Quote:
Can my ex-boyfriend(25 year old) get in trouble for just being my friend if the mom says its ok but the dad says no? I don;t want to just give him up hes very close to me and i don't think its fare.
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06-14-2010, 06:13 PMDogmatiqueRe: Im 16 and Hes 25 NeedQuote:
Quoting pure-beauty
:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: -
06-14-2010, 06:28 PMWho'sThatGuyRe: I'm 16 and He's 25
Even if they aren't dating and they truly are friends I'm not sure who has more mental problems, a 24 year old man that wants to hang around with a 15 year old little girl, or the 15 year old girls mother for letting this low-life hang around her daughter.
If I were dad I would make an unexpected visit to the house when this low-life was there with his daughter and call the police saying that I saw him forcing himself on my daughter even if he did not... -
07-05-2010, 08:23 AMfallout788Re: I'm 16 and He's 25
I believe cdwjava pretty much covered it. The one thing that I'm not absolutely sure on is if your father can get a restraining order if he does not have custody of you. That might be a no. If that is the case then he can’t stop you from seeing the guy if your mother and step-father are okay with it. I'm not an expert on California law. You might want to ask a lawyer about this.
I did want to add one thing. You seem a bit more mature then a 16 year old your age and I commend you for not doing anything sexual with this guy. But what I will say is most of what the other posters have posted (although a bit harsh) about your BF’s intentions are true.
But there is no absolute so I will explain it to you like this. Approximately 90% of guys his age who date a girl your age is doing what the guys above said, taking advantage of your age. Could your BF be the exception? Sure. But in real life terms the chances of that is that if you date 10 guys his age that only one will be decent (and that’s still a maybe). So by that standard, your BF’s motivations aren’t looking too pure.
But it is your life. You can do what you want but please be careful. And if you really want to test this guy tell him "your waiting till marriage for sex and you don’t plan on getting married till you are at least 23." Say and follow it and you will find out if your BF is the exception. I wish you the best of luck. -
07-05-2010, 11:04 AMDogmatiqueRe: I'm 16 and He's 25
Dad can ABSOLUTELY get a restraining order even if he doesn't have custody of the child.
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07-05-2010, 11:53 AMmamabear2102003Re: I'm 16 and He's 25
Fallout, I'm thinking you probably don't have children, correct? Like Dog told you, dad can ABSOLUTELY pursue this, divorced, CP/NCP, doesn't matter, he is STILL her father. :wallbang:
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07-05-2010, 11:57 AMcdwjavaRe: I'm 16 and He's 25
If dad has any shared LEGAL custody, sure. If he has no legal custody, then no.
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07-05-2010, 12:00 PMBaystategirlRe: I'm 16 and He's 25I'm guessing that fallout doesn't have children...He just likes to schutp them. Perhaps he had a little "fallout" from a legal child he was "involved" with and not seeks to "help" other LEGAL molesters and their confused victims.Quote:
Quoting mamabear2102003