Almost 4 Years and Still Missing My Son

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: WA, yet I live in another state now.
I was married for almost 3 years and my divorce was finalized september of 06 while I was still in the military, because I lived in single service member's quarters, I reluctantly agreed to giving her full custody with me having "Supervised Visits, at Mother's descresion, No over nights or weekends" after the divorce was finalized, she moved without telling me how I could contact my son, stopped answering, or even returning my calls and even went so far as to block incoming e-mails from my e-mail address. I was discharged from the military and went from roughly $1,500 to $800 per month, and even went homeless for a time.
I notified DSC and now 4 years later with still no contact with my son I have been ordered to pay over $12,000 in back child support.
What can I do? Can she be forced to allow me some type of contact or do I have to sue or even have her arrested for failure to adhere to the parenting plan as agreed to in court?
Please help!!!!!!! DADS HAVE RIGHTS TOO RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!

You cannot have her arrested if you haven't been filing contempt for withholding visitation.

Now the question is - do you know where she is?

All I know is that she is in the Lakewood/Tacoma, WA area. Who do I file contempt with? The court or DCS?

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Quoting MissingMySon

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DADS HAVE RIGHTS TOO RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!

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but you have no more rights than you are willing to enforce.

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Can she be forced to allow me some type of contact

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she is required to at least abide by the current visitation order. If you do not demand she abide by it, then not seeing your child is on you.

I would suggest it is time for a modification of the visitation considering why the last/current one was made how it is.

I'm willing to enforce anything. I didn't just "go through the motions" with her. I love my boy even without hearing his voice, or seeing so much as a picture of him in these years

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Quoting MissingMySon

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All I know is that she is in the Lakewood/Tacoma, WA area. Who do I file contempt with? The court or DCS?

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Really, if you haven't done anything about it yet it's probably too late now. Besides that though, "at Mom's discretion" means that unless she agrees, she's not in contempt if she refuses.

You would generally file with the court. So, file to modify your current visitation order and request that the court orders Mom to supply you with her address and contact information.

You may need to hire a PI to get her actual address.

Expect visitation, since you haven't seen your child in four years, to be very gradual and probably supervised at first.

I'm cross country now but I'd be happy for just phone calls and e-mails until I can afford to fly or travel back in some form or fashion

You have absolutely no chance of that happening without first finding Mom and serving her with a petition to modify the current visitation schedule.

When were you discharged from the military?

When did you discover that you were in arrears with child support?

So are you saying that I'm probably looking at maybe a few more years of heartache?

If you want to become part of your child's life, you're going to have to do something about the current situation.

If you're happy with no contact, then you just keep the status quo.

But outside of that? You need to get your butt to court and start working on it. You NEED to find Mom, and you NEED to get that horribly vague visitation order sorted out - pronto.

Could you please answer the questions I posed?