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Safety Concerns During Visitation

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  • 06-02-2010, 09:13 AM
    lilheater77
    Safety Concerns During Visitation
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas

    My child recently visited with her father over the weekend. He lives in Maryland and came in town for a visit. The last time he saw her was in March. She was super excited to see him. Once he got her he left her with a babysitter unknown to her on Saturday over night in the hotel while he went out with his friends to the bar. My daughter told me that the babysitter was drinking beer that night and that her daddy took her to a restaraunt which he would not tell her the name of. She further stated that the waitress' boobies were hanging out and their shirts were tied up where you could see their tummy. (her exact words). I stated my concerns about his behavior to him and his attorney. No one has yet to respond. I feel that her safety is at risk and want to intervene with any future visitation. My daughter stated her feelings were hurt that her dad left her. Our court order states that she is to be in counseling but he refuses to participate or pay. What do I need to do from here to ensure that she is safe. Do I deny visitation and how do I go about legally adressing this.

    Another isssue- he is in the arrears for child support and recently settled a lawsuit where he gained money. I contacted the Attorney General and they stated they would not discuss details of the settlement but they had put a lien on the settlement. What should I expect from here? Do they take the full amount of the arrears and apply it to what he is behind making it available to our daughter? How does this type of situation work?
  • 06-02-2010, 09:40 AM
    aardvarc
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    Quote:

    Quoting lilheater77
    View Post
    My child recently visited with her father over the weekend. He lives in Maryland and came in town for a visit. The last time he saw her was in March.

    How old is the child in question?


    Quote:

    She was super excited to see him. Once he got her he left her with a babysitter unknown to her on Saturday over night in the hotel while he went out with his friends to the bar. My daughter told me that the babysitter was drinking beer that night
    So he DID leave her with adult supervision. That's good. Any reason to think that she was inebriated or otherwise unable to look after the child? Again, the age of the child is a huge factor.



    Quote:

    and that her daddy took her to a restaraunt which he would not tell her the name of. She further stated that the waitress' boobies were hanging out and their shirts were tied up where you could see their tummy. (her exact words).
    So someplace like Hooters? Someplace that did ALLOW children? Wouldn't have been my choice either as a mom, but has a snowballs's chance of impacting custody or visitation and isn't going to get the court's panties in a wad.



    Quote:

    I stated my concerns about his behavior to him and his attorney. No one has yet to respond. I feel that her safety is at risk and want to intervene with any future visitation.
    Safety at risk of WHAT?



    Quote:

    My daughter stated her feelings were hurt that her dad left her. Our court order states that she is to be in counseling but he refuses to participate or pay.
    Does the court order stipulate that he must participate, or just that he must pay? If it says he must pay, and he hasn't been, then the court needs to be made aware that its orders are not being followed.


    Quote:

    What do I need to do from here to ensure that she is safe. Do I deny visitation and how do I go about legally adressing this.
    No, you don't fix his potential violations of the orders by violating them yourself. You still haven't brought up anything that is going to make the court worry for her "safety".

    Quote:

    Another isssue- he is in the arrears for child support and recently settled a lawsuit where he gained money. I contacted the Attorney General and they stated they would not discuss details of the settlement
    Yep - that's not public information.


    Quote:

    but they had put a lien on the settlement. What should I expect from here? Do they take the full amount of the arrears and apply it to what he is behind making it available to our daughter? How does this type of situation work?

    It depends in part how your child support is structured. The state's goal here is to grab some of his new windfall to put towards the arrears (whether arrears are owed to the state or to you or to both). Hopefully you'll start seeing some $$.
  • 06-02-2010, 10:16 AM
    lilheater77
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    the child in question is 6 years old. The court order states he must participate and pay. He refuses to do either.

    And yes I understand about the restaraunt but I do not understand why our daughter needs to be exposed to places like that when adults are drinking, and the envioronmnet is not kid appropriate. The risk what concerns me is that the adult was unknown to the child and it was overnight. Emotionally this child has a strained relationship with him and counseling was put in place to help that. She rarely sees him and that is what he chose to do with his time. My solution is to try and get all parties to sit down and facilitate these concerns and put some modifications in place so that problems like this do not arise again. And to get the child back in counseling with his participation.
  • 06-02-2010, 11:21 AM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    What exactly does your order say about visitation?

    Frankly so far I'm not seeing anything to justify a modification at this point - but my answer might change based upon your next response.
  • 06-02-2010, 11:54 AM
    lilheater77
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    This is not the first time he has left her with someone unknown to her during his access, which remember is very little. We used to have a clause in our papers that stated each parent needed to contact the other parent if they were in need of a babysitter, which would prevent incidents like this from happening. But we took it out because it was no longer an issue. But it now appears that it is an issue again.
  • 06-02-2010, 12:10 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    What does your visitation order ACTUALLY SAY in terms of time, etc?

    There is a reason I'm asking the question :)
  • 06-02-2010, 12:20 PM
    lilheater77
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    I am not sure what you mean? He has Standard Visitation under the 100 miles or more away.
  • 06-02-2010, 01:45 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    That helps.

    The reason I asked is because if he is not exercising his visitation according to the actual order, you may be able to modify the current order based upon lack of contact.

    But other than that, I see nothing to justify modification at this point based upon what you've said so far.

    It's ok for him to leave her supervised, and though Hooters wouldn't have been my first choice, that's not really a big deal in terms of what the Court would think.
  • 06-02-2010, 03:43 PM
    lilheater77
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    Thank you very much for the advice. What about phone access that he never maintains. He is allowed phone access every other day but goes 20 days or more before he contacts her. And only sees her two times out of the year. He is very distant to her and is not involved at all, not by phone or access. He is allowed once a month visitation. And came in September, and March took her for Spring Break. And then in May. So very sporadic, with little to no contact in between through the phone. And I kind of look at it this way, no matter what type of modification is put in there he does not follow it unless it is convenient for him. The judge has heard a glimpse of our story before and stated that he seems to think the father only does what is convenient for him and that would not work in his court. So do you think even trying to set up a meeting with him and his attorney would bring light to these issues. Basically poor choices that could be harmful to her. I would think his attorney would at least advise him to make better decisions regarding his relationship and what he does with his time when he does have her. He moves without notifying, he changes jobs without notifying, he doesn't participate in counseling, he is usually 25 days past the due date for child support. There has to be something that can make him accountable other then spending tons of money to hire an attorney to make him do what he is supposed to do. How much trouble would I get in for not letting her go because counseling is needed and he is not participating versus all of his violations.
  • 06-02-2010, 03:58 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Safety Concerns During Visitation
    Do you actually have court orders saying Dad is legally obliged to notify you when he moves or changes jobs?

    I'm curious about that.

    I strongly advise against withholding visitation - YOU can get into trouble for doing that.
    It's also a little too late to hold past violations against him. You would have needed to act upon those at the time.

    It may be worth speaking with him and his attorney, to share your concerns about the actual amount of time he's spending with your daughter.
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