My Husband Would Like to Adopt My Daughter

My question involves adoption law for the State of: Tennessee
My daughter is 11 years old now. Her biological father hasn't seen her or tried to contact her in 7 years. His name is not on the birth certificate and he really never acted like a father in the first 4 years of her life. I have never asked for a dime of child support from him. My husband now has been her father for the last 7 years. She has no memory of her biological father whatsoever, but she also knows that my husband is not her real father. My husband wants to adopt her and give her his last name. I would rather her have a father in her life than get child support from a man that denies she's even his. I understand that the biological father has to be notified of the adoption but what do you do in the case that you have no idea where he is at??

You hire an adoption attorney so you make sure it's done right.

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Quoting CourtClerk

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You hire an adoption attorney so you make sure it's done right.

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I was trying to get some helpful advice before I spoke with an attorney. Sort of what to expect, etc. I have every intention on doing this the right way. And just another question for you...your comment at the bottom regarding "both parents" have rights. Unfortunately that is true, but you have obviously never been in a situation like this or you wouldn't be so quick to make a statement like that. I did not ask my daughter's bio father to walk out of her life, actually I begged him to be a part of her life, but it didn't work that way. And it upsets me that a man can walk out of a child's life and 7 years later still have a say so in the matter of whether that child can be adopted by a loving parent or not.

That would be Court Clerk's signature line. It is not directed at anyone in particular.

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Quoting butterfliesr6

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I was trying to get some helpful advice before I spoke with an attorney. Sort of what to expect, etc. I have every intention on doing this the right way. And just another question for you...your comment at the bottom regarding "both parents" have rights. Unfortunately that is true, but you have obviously never been in a situation like this or you wouldn't be so quick to make a statement like that. I did not ask my daughter's bio father to walk out of her life, actually I begged him to be a part of her life, but it didn't work that way. And it upsets me that a man can walk out of a child's life and 7 years later still have a say so in the matter of whether that child can be adopted by a loving parent or not.

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I'd like to add to this by saying...

This man is not on the child's birth certificate, and I assume never signed an acknowledgment of paternity. He doesn't HAVE a child to support, nor does he have a child to claim as his. He didn't walk out of her life, he was never legally IN her life. He has as much of a right to your child as I do. As for my siggy, it obviously doesn't apply to you because in this case, this child only legally has ONE parent... that would be you.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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That would be Court Clerk's signature line. It is not directed at anyone in particular.

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Thank you, I am new to this so I was not aware.

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Quoting CourtClerk

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I'd like to add to this by saying...

This man is not on the child's birth certificate, and I assume never signed an acknowledgment of paternity. He doesn't HAVE a child to support, nor does he have a child to claim as his. He didn't walk out of her life, he was never legally IN her life. He has as much of a right to your child as I do. As for my siggy, it obviously doesn't apply to you because in this case, this child only legally has ONE parent... that would be you.

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This is the part I have trouble understanding. He has never established paternity, never acknowledged her as his daughter, and has made statements to other people in our town that she is not his daughter (except for the small fact that she looks like him) but according to my attorney (which is my second on this legal advice) he has to be served papers and can determine whether my child can be adopted or not? I understand this is the law, and believe me I wish it had never come down to this, but it seems to me like he shouldn't be able to make that decision. It has been his choose to stay away, of course I could have pursued him in court for child support, but I have never cared about the money, I wanted him to be a father.

When they are willing to get you pregnant without marrying you, that sends a pretty clear message about their intentions towards the child in the long term. If you want someone to be an involved father, your odds often end up in the crapper if you can't get them to be a husband first. Marriage, any religious aspects aside, is the institution intended to provide support, security, and structure for raising families. Anyone can make children, but the situation or lack thereof where they structure or don't structure lives around the idea of parenting is a very loud message that too often gets overlooked. That's a VERY different situation than having to pursue someone and hound them to parent, to pay, etc.

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Quoting aardvarc

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When they are willing to get you pregnant without marrying you, that sends a pretty clear message about their intentions towards the child in the long term. If you want someone to be an involved father, your odds often end up in the crapper if you can't get them to be a husband first.

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That is true. Unfortunately I was young and stupid. But lesson learned! I know from my own experience what it is like to grow up without a father and it took me many many years to finally come to terms with it. My mother and father were married for a long time, but when my mother left due to his indiscretions, he decided he didn't want me anymore. That was very hard to deal with as a 9 year old. I would like to to prevent as much pain and hurt as possible with my daughter.

Your attorney is correct.

Before the court can terminate your ex's rights (which is necessary for the adoption to go ahead), those rights first must be established and this means he must be contacted.

With that said, because there has been absolutely no contact since she was 4 (and she's now 11) I believe there's a chance that even if Dad objects, the court may agree to terminate his rights involuntarily anyway if it is felt that this would be in her best interests.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Your attorney is correct.

Before the court can terminate your ex's rights (which is necessary for the adoption to go ahead), those rights first must be established and this means he must be contacted.

With that said, because there has been absolutely no contact since she was 4 (and she's now 11) I believe there's a chance that even if Dad objects, the court may agree to terminate his rights involuntarily anyway if it is felt that this would be in her best interests.

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My lawyer told me we would try to handle it nice and polite, but if he objects then he will go before the judge and try to have his rights terminated based on abandonment.

You can't abandon a child you don't have....

extreme parental disinterest, maybe.