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  1. #1
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    Default Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: The divorce papers are filed in GA but he lives in MD w/ our child.

    I agreed to let him have phsyical custody of our daughter because he was in a much better place financially at the time. We had agreed she would come back to me in a year, of course he hasn't held that up, but that's not the issue. We have joint legal custody.

    Divorce papers state a number of things but the ones I am having problems with are;
    Phone calls from me to her at any reasonable time- he won't answer the phone if I just call, I have to email first.

    At least 2 weeks in the summer spent with me (here in GA)- Won't even let her come for a week, says he's not comfortable.

    If he's out of touch for 48 hours I'm supposed to have different contact information to get ahold of him- I've emailed twice over the last two weeks to call our daughter with no response. I'm going to try to call today or tomorrow, but I doubt he'll answer. He's done this before there were papers, he took her and I couldn't find her for over a month.

    I am sick and tired of this crap. He is remarried and now he has my daughter calling his lady mommy.

    He won't tell me what school she goes to or anything (she is in Pre-K now) about her medical stuff. Everytime I ask if she can come down here he throws a fit. He is nasty and never civilized.

    The court ordered me to pay $125 child support but I am unemployed, was unemployed at the time of the court hearing but the judge was not on my side for whatever reason (ex wasn't there). I obviously haven't been able to pay as I am unemployed, how is this going to play into this mess.

    Where do I file in GA or MD? I've read both so I'm confused. And what do I file, parental interference, contempt because it's more than one issue.

    Please, someone help me and tell me what to do. She is growing up so fast and he is trying to cut me out of her life.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    Quote Quoting brity2701
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    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: The divorce papers are filed in GA but he lives in MD w/ our child.

    I agreed to let him have phsyical custody of our daughter because he was in a much better place financially at the time. We had agreed she would come back to me in a year, of course he hasn't held that up, but that's not the issue. We have joint legal custody.

    Divorce papers state a number of things but the ones I am having problems with are;
    Phone calls from me to her at any reasonable time- he won't answer the phone if I just call, I have to email first.

    At least 2 weeks in the summer spent with me (here in GA)- Won't even let her come for a week, says he's not comfortable.

    If he's out of touch for 48 hours I'm supposed to have different contact information to get ahold of him- I've emailed twice over the last two weeks to call our daughter with no response. I'm going to try to call today or tomorrow, but I doubt he'll answer. He's done this before there were papers, he took her and I couldn't find her for over a month.

    I am sick and tired of this crap. He is remarried and now he has my daughter calling his lady mommy.

    He won't tell me what school she goes to or anything (she is in Pre-K now) about her medical stuff. Everytime I ask if she can come down here he throws a fit. He is nasty and never civilized.

    The court ordered me to pay $125 child support but I am unemployed, was unemployed at the time of the court hearing but the judge was not on my side for whatever reason (ex wasn't there). I obviously haven't been able to pay as I am unemployed, how is this going to play into this mess.

    Where do I file in GA or MD? I've read both so I'm confused. And what do I file, parental interference, contempt because it's more than one issue.

    Please, someone help me and tell me what to do. She is growing up so fast and he is trying to cut me out of her life.


    He may not actually be in contempt; what EXACTLY does your court order say about phone contact, word for word?

    Because if they actually do read "reasonable time", and Dad doesn't think your email requests are reasonable at that time...he can choose to not allow the phone call.

    How old is your daughter?

    When were the orders actually made?

    Do the orders actually state that the current arrangement is to last for only a year?
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    No, the year thing is not in there and that's fine. That really isn't the issue now.

    Ok I'm reading the divorce papers word for word....
    SUMMER VACATION-
    wife shall have the right to have the child visit with her for 4 weeks, wife will notify husband no later than June 1st of her intent to exercise visitation, visitation will take priority.

    Also he is telling me that if he lets her come down, which right now he says he won't because he's not comfortable (may I state that I had her and raised my oldest daughter and youngest-his by myself for a year while he was deployed to Iraq, I also have two other children I have full time, they are fine and I am a fit mother)...He says I will have to drive all the way there (MD From GA) to get her (that's fine) and all way back up there to take her home. But the divorce papers clearly state..."the father will be responsible for transportation of the child at the conclusion of the visitation."

    The telephone part...says "Husband, Wife, and the child will have the right to communicate with each other over the telephone at any reasonable time and for resonable periods of time. Neither parent will deny the other parent communication with the child." That's the first set of papers. The second set says the parent who does not have custody of the child at the time will be allowed to contact child via telephone. (I explain first set and second set later). It says nothing about email-I only email because he asks me to-trying to be civil. He tells me when to call in the email. I called today about 20 mins earlier than my normal time he allows me to call and did not answer.


    The papers are kind of a mess because a lawyer had drawn them up but my ex husband didn't pay the lawyer so it never when through. Well I had the papers so I just re-did them myself, well the law had changed since then and a different form had to be filled out. So i filled them out while the judge was deciding other cases so he approved the divorce and papers about child. The original document says I don't pay him anything, we agreed on that because I'm unemployed. The second papers say I pay him $150 per the judge. The first paper says I will drive her back and forth. The second paper says he will pick her up. Like I said it is a mess. Both sets of papers were filed and ruled on the same day. They are both effective I guess???

    I know I am going to have to see a lawyer but I want an idea of what I have to do in order to go in educated to the lawyers office. There are quite a bit of scammers out here as it is near a military post and many people try to take advantage of that.

    The other issue I have is ex was in the national guard (not sure if he is now) and I don't know where my daughter goes while he is gone.

    I've met his wife once and I definitely am not comfortable with my daughter calling her mommy-although I guess there is nothing I can do about that.

    My daughter will be 5 in July, so she is young.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    Quote Quoting brity2701
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    No, the year thing is not in there and that's fine. That really isn't the issue now.

    Ok I'm reading the divorce papers word for word....
    SUMMER VACATION-
    wife shall have the right to have the child visit with her for 4 weeks, wife will notify husband no later than June 1st of her intent to exercise visitation, visitation will take priority.

    What you need to do is notify him of the intent to pick her up, and go up and get her. If he refuses, you document it (buy something from a gas station close to Dad's house as proof you were actually in the area) and file contempt.

    Also he is telling me that if he lets her come down, which right now he says he won't because he's not comfortable (may I state that I had her and raised my oldest daughter and youngest-his by myself for a year while he was deployed to Iraq, I also have two other children I have full time, they are fine and I am a fit mother)...He says I will have to drive all the way there (MD From GA) to get her (that's fine) and all way back up there to take her home. But the divorce papers clearly state..."the father will be responsible for transportation of the child at the conclusion of the visitation."

    OK - as I said, you notify him of your intent, and you go get her. So far he's not actually in contempt though.

    Why though is he not comfortable?



    The telephone part...says "Husband, Wife, and the child will have the right to communicate with each other over the telephone at any reasonable time and for resonable periods of time. Neither parent will deny the other parent communication with the child." That's the first set of papers. The second set says the parent who does not have custody of the child at the time will be allowed to contact child via telephone. (I explain first set and second set later). It says nothing about email-I only email because he asks me to-trying to be civil. He tells me when to call in the email. I called today about 20 mins earlier than my normal time he allows me to call and did not answer.


    The papers are kind of a mess because a lawyer had drawn them up but my ex husband didn't pay the lawyer so it never when through. Well I had the papers so I just re-did them myself, well the law had changed since then and a different form had to be filled out. So i filled them out while the judge was deciding other cases so he approved the divorce and papers about child. The original document says I don't pay him anything, we agreed on that because I'm unemployed. The second papers say I pay him $150 per the judge. The first paper says I will drive her back and forth. The second paper says he will pick her up. Like I said it is a mess. Both sets of papers were filed and ruled on the same day. They are both effective I guess???

    Yes, you really need to get back to court and get this sorted out. You want specific times/days spelled out when you and kiddo will have phone contact. You can request webcam contact too, and there are some great long-distance parenting plans if you google 'em.

    You also want to get the transportation issue fixed; if you're fine driving up (and frankly that may be the best way of guaranteeing visitation at this point if he's being difficult) then have it spelled out once and for all. Or, you could alternate the travel plans.

    Again at this point he's not in contempt with regards to visitation since you haven't actually gone there and been refused.

    If you and Dad agree on no child support at this time you can stipulate - agree - to that in the new orders.


    I know I am going to have to see a lawyer but I want an idea of what I have to do in order to go in educated to the lawyers office. There are quite a bit of scammers out here as it is near a military post and many people try to take advantage of that.

    The other issue I have is ex was in the national guard (not sure if he is now) and I don't know where my daughter goes while he is gone.

    I've met his wife once and I definitely am not comfortable with my daughter calling her mommy-although I guess there is nothing I can do about that.

    My daughter will be 5 in July, so she is young.


    There IS something you can do. You can request that stepmommy and Daddy facilitate YOUR relationship with your daughter by not calling her Mommy. Many courts take a very poor view of steps allowing this to happen if the parent objects.

    Now with the NG stuff - that's what, one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer? Kiddo is probably staying with stepmom. There's honestly not much I can see wrong with that, since ROFR - right of first refusal - is not a viable option in your situation.

    I'll be honest - it certainly does seem like Dad and stepmom are pushing you out a bit. But he's so far basically still in the clear and even if he goes over the line a little there's not much a judge will do the first time (or three) than give Dad a slap on the wrist.

    But yes - I do advise you to go see a family law attorney and have those orders modified.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    Why is he not comfortable?

    Honestly he's just being stupid. I was the one raising the kids while he was depolyed, I actually had our daughter by myself because he was in Iraq. I have two other children whom I care for every day of my life and they are well taken care of, have everything they need. (I live with their dad, we will be getting married this year or next).

    They are just trying to push me out of her life, I know that, and I'm not going to let that happen.

    What will happen if I file contempt though and he files back for no child support? How will a judge look at that even though I am unemployed and my bank records reflect that, I think at the most I've had $2 in there over the last 2 years since it has been open.

    I will bring up the issue with her calling his wife mommy when I go to court.

    I will also notify him of intent to get her via email AND certified mail. I want proof and real proof that can't be faked (like an email could). I've already got phone records from calling and calling and no answer. I'm going to keep up calling until I get an answer. But not enough that he could file harrassment, although I don't know if he would have any grounds since I am trying to reach my daughter.

    He is a scumbag and I was really stupid for letting him have her in the first place. I don't know what I was thinking. He is a sociopath..charms everyone and is nice in front of people (even more so why I want proof because I don't want him to charm the judge) but he is a pathological liar and just a jerk all along. I got tricked...but not again!

    Thanks for the info so far.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    Quote Quoting brity2701
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    Why is he not comfortable?

    Honestly he's just being stupid. I was the one raising the kids while he was depolyed, I actually had our daughter by myself because he was in Iraq. I have two other children whom I care for every day of my life and they are well taken care of, have everything they need. (I live with their dad, we will be getting married this year or next).

    They are just trying to push me out of her life, I know that, and I'm not going to let that happen.

    What will happen if I file contempt though and he files back for no child support? How will a judge look at that even though I am unemployed and my bank records reflect that, I think at the most I've had $2 in there over the last 2 years since it has been open.

    Well, there's a possibility - depending on which orders the judge decides are valid - that you can be dinged for back support and non-payment. You may also be imputed at least minimum wage and have support calculated based upon that.

    There's also a very slim chance that the amount ordered will be $0. But you need to be prepared for being ordered to pay at least something even if you're unemployed. You're still responsible for supporting your daughter.



    I will bring up the issue with her calling his wife mommy when I go to court.

    I will also notify him of intent to get her via email AND certified mail. I want proof and real proof that can't be faked (like an email could). I've already got phone records from calling and calling and no answer. I'm going to keep up calling until I get an answer. But not enough that he could file harrassment, although I don't know if he would have any grounds since I am trying to reach my daughter.

    Good - certified mail is always a smart thing to do in cases like this. It's also good that you're going to be sensible about calling. Don't call 10 times a day. Don't give him any ammunition.


    He is a scumbag and I was really stupid for letting him have her in the first place. I don't know what I was thinking. He is a sociopath..charms everyone and is nice in front of people (even more so why I want proof because I don't want him to charm the judge) but he is a pathological liar and just a jerk all along. I got tricked...but not again!

    Thanks for the info so far.

    This is how the courts will view it:

    Ma'am, you decided that he was good Daddy material. We agree, unless you can prove otherwise.

    And unless he's actually been diagnosed with any kind of mental/personality disorder, I strongly advise you don't even hint at that in court.

    You can really damage your case if you do that.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  7. #7
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    Exclamation Re: Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    I'm going to be the devil's advocate here...
    Quote Quoting brity2701
    View Post
    I have two other children whom I care for every day of my life and they are well taken care of, have everything they need.
    How is it that you can provide for your two other children and yet not send $125 as ordered by the Court to help care for your daughter?
    You have kids, so you know that $125 is SUCH a small amount compared to the expense. I do not know how much minimum wage is where you are - but where I am that is less than 20 hours a MONTH. Five hours a week. You could probably earn that just by having a big yard sale once a month. Seriously.

    If I were the lawyer for the other side I would ask you how you will afford to feed the child while she is with you over the summer, since you are not able to help pay for her food while she is with your X.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    Well I guess it's really my business how I feed my children here, as I said I live with THEIR father! It is not HIS responsibility to pay MY daughter's support. AND my EX and I AGRRED there would be no support because he doesn't need it. Working 40 hours a week would be about $300 BEFORE taxes. And if there was a job within 50 miles that I could get I would. The unemployment rate where I am is over 20%, we've been hit hard here.


    To the other post dog-
    I wouldn't bring it up in court but I know he is a sociopath, I am a psych major. Maybe I'll wait until I get my PhD and then tell the judge that ha!

    I don't mind paying what I have but I don't have it. I'm more worried that the judge will throw my butt in jail for nonpayment, that's all I'm worried about at this point. Thanks for your response.

    Dog- Got one more question for you. When does it become parental interference or contempt with him not answering the phone, not calling back, and not answering emails. I have not talked to her since Easter and not for lack of trying on my part. Thanks

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    If the judge rules that there IS a court order for child support and you haven't paid, eventually it could lead to losing your driver's license, and jail.

    And please - don't bring an attitude to the volunteers here. We're actually trying to help, and sometimes playing devil's advocate is a valid way of trying to get the OP - in this instance you - to see BOTH sides of the situation.

    It was a valid question and it is very possible you'll be asked to answer something very similar in court.

    Also - you're a psych major? That does not come even close to qualifying you to diagnose anyone with anything.

    So please. Don't do that. K?
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  10. #10
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    Thumbs down Re: Ex Husband Not Following Court Order

    I love the irony. The OP is complaining that the father is not following the Court Order - yet she thinks that she is not required to do the same.

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