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  1. #1

    Default Want to Leave Emotionally Abusive Husband We Have Children Together

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Kansas

    I am wanting to leave my children's father because he is emotionally abusive to me. My children are 3 and 1. He and I were married at one point and then legally divorced. We had one child at that time. He harassed me and my family and friends constantly and was taking me to court constantly over everything. He then went to counseling and supposedly was a "changed man" I bought it and took him back. He was better for awhile and we had another son. We never remarried. Since the birth of our second child things have gotten worse and worse. He is in complete control of my life: what we eat, where we go. He won't allow me to have friends and rarely allows me to see my family. Living with him, I am constantly walking on eggshells. He gets mad at me and calls me names whenever I do the smallest things. He harasses me on my phone at work when he is angry. He threatens me with kicking me out and taking the children if I don't abide by his demands. His demands are constant. He has complete control of the money and I get an allowance that I have to ask for. The list goes on of things that he does....but I am miserable and I am starting to see a change in my children's personalities because he has started treating them the same way. I want to leave so at least they will get to see a "normal" way with me. I am willing to have joint or shared custody with him because I do not want to keep my children away from their father but I WANT OUT!

    I want to leave but I know that he will not be happy and am honesty afraid of what he might do or say. I don't think that we can come to an amicable decision as far as custody. I think that I will just need to leave. But I want to take the boys because I am afraid he will never let me see them again! He threatens me all the time that if I take them from him he will take me to court for kidnapping! I also want them to see him but I don't want to see him becasue I am afraid of the situation and how he will act. I would already be out the door if I knew my legal rights with my children and how to let them see both of us as much as possible without fights ensuing! I NEED HELP!!!!! Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,076

    Default Re: Want to Leave Emotionally Abusive Husband We Have Children Together

    I want to leave but I know that he will not be happy and am honesty afraid of what he might do or say.
    It's time for you to extricate yourself.

    He threatens me all the time that if I take them from him he will take me to court for kidnapping!
    It's hot air. He cannot have you charged with kidnapping - absent a court order to the contrary, you are absolutely entitled to take your children wherever you please. (As is he.)

    Honey, get the hell out of there. Pack up and GO. Go to your parents, go to a friend, but GO.

    Then contact an attorney in your area to get the wheels turning to file for full physical and legal custody of the children, and a visitation schedule for him to see them, as well as child support.

    You might look to a restraining order as well.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Minneapolis/St. Paul area
    Posts
    497

    Default Re: Want to Leave Emotionally Abusive Husband We Have Children Together

    Please meet with your nearest family crisis center. They have many resources that can help you in this situation. They can help educate you about legal proceedings - including restraining orders. They can also help you locate and (sometimes) afford housing, child care etc. Their main goal is to help women escape abusive situations, so please seek their aid.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Want to Leave Emotionally Abusive Husband We Have Children Together

    Dear Needhelp,
    I had a similar case with my ex husband. He was emotionally and physical with me and the kids. I have three boys. 7,8,and 12. I walked out 2 yrs ago. I am finally divorced fromhim. I started out with research on what my rights were. Family crisi centers are good at giving advise but not much support is given unless you report things to authorities. Check the state to see if emotional abuse is recognized. The state I lived in does not recognize emotional as abuse (which is really sad). This is a reason why so many people stay in these unhealthy relationships. Right now you are emotonally destroyed and don't think you can survive with out the financial support, I am here to tellyou that you can. Once you get things in order, you can file for protective order(you must have been hit first). Upon filinf for a PTO, that immediately gets you in front of a judge to get child custody and support for temporary. That is when your life will start over. Expect to live in HELL for a while. Make sure to get a PTO though. Not restraining order. If a PTO is violated, in most states, no questions are asked(jail). Restraining orders are violated all the time and sometimes people end up dead or in hospitals. I am not an experrt on this matter, it is just my experience. It is possible to heal from all of this and your children will survive. They will get upset with you b/c they will forget the horror after a while. Don't rmind them of things and never talk about the ugly stuff in front of them. Remember, the more they see and hear that is bad, the more it is changing the person they will become. If at all possible, get them into counseling immediately and let the couselor know what is up. They can possibly be an advocate when it comes to custody issues. Some will get involved and some won't choose carefully. I hope this helps you a little. If youhave any questions please ask. He cannot file against you for kiddnapping!!! You are their parent!! Maybe if you take them and disappear, but not for leaving him to get out of a bad marriage. It is another form of controling you. When planning to leave, do it when you know he won't catch you or call for police assistance. Local police are glad to help and come sit while up get things out of the house. They will only guard you, not help. I hope this helps

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