Abuse and Social Worker

[concernedgirlfriend]

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Wisconsin

My boyfriend is 19 and he remembers being physically abused by his stepdad when he was a child. He told a school counselor, he reported it, and my boyfriend then was sent to talk to a social worker. He explained his situation and told her what he told the counselor. He felt like she thought he was just trying to get attention or something and his mom must have told her nothing happened. So, the social worker must not have done anything because he requested to be removed from this abusive environment and to give full custody to his dad, who had half custody at the time, and nothing happened. He was forced to continue to live there every other week and to continue to be abused for 5 or more years. We want to know if there's anything we can do about this social worker. She should be fired at least. And is there anything that can be done at this point about this entire situation? There has definitely psychological damage to my boyfriend, at least in my opinion. Can we sue to pay for therapy or something?

[Dogmatique]

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Wisconsin

My boyfriend is 19 and he remembers being physically abused by his stepdad when he was a child. He told a school counselor, he reported it, and my boyfriend then was sent to talk to a social worker. He explained his situation and told her what he told the counselor. He felt like she thought he was just trying to get attention or something and his mom must have told her nothing happened. So, the social worker must not have done anything because he requested to be removed from this abusive environment and to give full custody to his dad, who had half custody at the time, and nothing happened. He was forced to continue to live there every other week and to continue to be abused for 5 or more years. We want to know if there's anything we can do about this social worker. She should be fired at least. And is there anything that can be done at this point about this entire situation? There has definitely psychological damage to my boyfriend, at least in my opinion. Can we sue to pay for therapy or something?

Are you a qualified psychologist who has treated this patient?

[concernedgirlfriend]

No. Like I said, I'm his girlfriend. But it's pretty obvious to anyone that he needs a therapist. He thinks the abuse is HIS fault and I can't convince him otherwise. He has also repressed a lot of these memories and constantly worries that he's going to end up like his stepdad.

[Dogmatique]

Was there any proof of the abuse?

Police reports? CPS reports?

If there was no proof, how do you expect the social worker to do anything?

[concernedgirlfriend]

Don't you think she should have looked into it or something? She didn't do anything at all. Isn't that her job? Shouldn't she report it to the police? He was only 8 or 9 years old and his mom was telling him to lie. But he didn't. How was he expected to call the police when they probably wouldn't have believed him and he would have gotten punished--by being abused more. My boyfriend told me he didn't even know where the phone was and that he wasn't allowed to leave the house. How was he supposed to call the cops or file a report. He was a child. He didn't know anything about the law. And don't you think a child that young would be too afraid to say something to anyone in the first place? There was no one to speak for him. Only the counselor who sent him to a social worker so she would do something. He told her that he was abused. She should have done something. Anything. But she did nothing. I am asking about the law here because I don't know anything about it. If you know I can't do anything about this for a fact, then tell me so and stop wasting my time. Mostly, my boyfriend and I just want to know if she was wrong for not doing anything.

[Dogmatique]

For one thing, this is not your legal matter. It's nothing - legally - to do with you.

Secondly, if there is no proof of abuse a social worker is pretty much powerless to do anything. And how do you know she didn't make a report or investigate?

Third, nobody is wasting your time except you.

Your boyfriend needs, perhaps, to be in therapy to help him with his issues.

[aardvarc]

Was there bruising? Injuries?

He felt like she thought he was just trying to get attention or something and his mom must have told her nothing happened.

That's a LOT of supposing going on. Just because he didn't SEE anything happen doesn't mean nothing DID. Children are very rarely involved in the behind the scenes process for good reason, right up until some action is taken that directly concerns the child. It's entirely possible that mom was contacted. But without something to go on, either physical indications or mom's statements that there might be something amiss, yes, an inquiry would probably end at that point.

So, the social worker must not have done anything because he requested to be removed from this abusive environment and to give full custody to his dad, who had half custody at the time, and nothing happened.

Again, you are supposing a LOT that has little to do with actual processes. Just because he wasn't yanked out the next day to live with dad in no way indicates that nothing happened. Do you have any idea how many kids say they are being abused because they want to live with the other parent (the grass is always greener)? Lots. And lots. That's why we KEEP asking about any physical signs of abuse, because in cases where a custody battle or change is at the center of attention, it is of vital importance. And, even if abuse HAD been substantiated, it's not in any way a guarantee that he'd have just automatically gone to dad.

He was forced to continue to live there every other week and to continue to be abused for 5 or more years.

So in 5 more years, he never told anyone again? Never had ANY sign of abuse? Never had access to a phone to dial 911?

We want to know if there's anything we can do about this social worker. She should be fired at least.

Since neither you nor he have any clue about was or wasn't done, no one can possibly comment on that. Again, just because he didn't see immediate action doesn't mean that NO action or inquiry was made. If you're implying that he walked into the social worker's office with hand prints on him and a split lip and he was turned away, yep, start suing. Beyond that, everything else is speculation that he's not in a position to assess. Has anyone ASKED the social worker, that he went to on ONE occasion in years of abuse, what followup was done?

And is there anything that can be done at this point about this entire situation?

Yes. You can both realize that regardless of what does or doesn't ever happen with the social worker now, it won't change the fact that as an adult, knowing that he's got these issues to work on, nothing will get better until he puts in some time in self-reflection with a good therapist/counselor. He can either spend his time and money chasing the social worker, with almost no chance of anything happening, or he can spend his time and money on improving his mental health.

There has definitely psychological damage to my boyfriend, at least in my opinion.

Probably. Everyone is psychologically damaged by their childhoods, even without abuse. And until and unless that opinion comes from a licensed mental health professional who has worked with him enough to provide a professional opinion, "psychological damage" is a moot point. And, should such a declaration be made by such a professional at some time in the future, that STILL doesn't mean that a legal cause of action is created.

Can we sue to pay for therapy or something?

Ok, here's the obvious question: Why isn't he suing the ACTUAL abuser (ie the CAUSE of the damge)?

Got evidence of abuse? Sue the abuser. (And he'd better hurry - the statute of limitations started ticking down when he turned 18). Got evidence of professional neglect or misconduct? He can try to sue the therapist or the therapist's employer. By the time that process is complete, years from now, how will this pursuit have improved life for your boyfriend (especially if no wrong doing is found and he's wasted all that time and money)?

Realistically...the stark truth of the matter is that unless there are some really important details you've left out, there's nothing indicating that a winning law suit would be even a remote possibility. The nice thing about being and adult that grew up in abusive surroundings is that as an adult, he has the power and ability to address the issues and feelings that he couldn't then. There are lots of resources for him beyond very expensive private therapy like group therapy (cheaper), support groups, and several hundred excellent self-help texts that can help him make the most of any of the many forms of counseling he might choose.

[Dogmatique]

(aardvarc, that was an excellent response )

[concernedgirlfriend]

My boyfriend felt that the social worker didn't believe him in the first place. He did keep telling people but probably gave up. His mom didn't directly abuse him but allowed it to happen and lied about it. And I'm not just going to go around suing people for no reason. I'm not going to sue at all. I just asked if I could, I was curious. And I'm going to look into what she did more, I haven't had a chance yet. I'm just asking, if I actually go find out that this social worker really did do nothing, is that wrong? No one seems to get my point here. She probably doesn't even work there anymore it's been at least 10 years. I don't even know all the details so it seems like you are all assuming things too. Just forget the details--Is it wrong if she just completely ignored his claims of child abuse? Abuse isn't always visible or easy to prove. Like if you made your child sleep in their urine after peeing the bed? But there should be something you can do about it. I'm not saying she should have immediately believed him or anything but why not visit the house or something? Or have a psychologist evaluate him or the stepdad? His stepdad was supposed to be on pills for his anger problems but didn't take them. Like I said before, I don't know anything about any of this but it just seems wrong to me. I haven't done any sort of research into it either I just want to simply know if she would be wrong if she didn't do anything. Can anyone just answer that and stop picking apart every single thing I say? So the simple question, all I want to know right now: Would the social worker be wrong if she hadn't done anything? I thought it was her job to report this or something. I have never heard of parents admitting to abusing their children. And when both parents are involved, who is supposed to help the child? I thought that was the point of having a social worker but maybe I'm wrong. And in case you didn't see this before: He had no access to a phone when the abuse was happening. And they kept track of every move he made. He had no time or place to contact the cops. He told the school counselor who sent him to a social worker. That's all he was able to do. The one time he did call the cops, his parents were there and said it was just a kid who accidentally called basically. I realize I may not be right about what the social worker is supposed to do but that's why I want to know if she was wrong to ignore him like that and I'm wondering what should have been done. And don't tell me what should have been done by my boyfriend either... He was 8 years old and didn't know what to do. Eventually when he was 16 he left with his mom. But his mom went back so he started staying with his dad until he was 18 and for some reason they finally let him. They had stopped abusing him (physically anyway) a few years earlier. Probably because they knew he was old enough to realize it was wrong and that he would actually do something about it. It just makes me sick that no one did anything about it especially his own mother. I am doing this for my boyfriend by the way. This is all based off what he has told me. He has asked me to look into it and that's why I'm asking about it. Dogmatique please stop replying I really don't care to know what you have to say anymore. Most of your replies are not even relevant. I am asking for someone else to answer my one simple question and you are not understanding my situation. Obviously you didn't get the hint when I said you were wasting my time. It sounds like you are just trying to argue with someone for no reason. And that is really not helpful (That is what I am looking for. Help. Not an argument.) It would have been nice if you had both been more polite but thanks for replying anyway.

[Dogmatique]

Please have your boyfriend speak with a local attorney.



Thanks.