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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    2

    Default Marital Troubles Leading Toward Divorce

    I have a Montana legal issue. My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married 3. We have a 10 month old son. My husband has been verbally abusive from the beginning but I would always just cower, beg him not to leave me, etc. due to serious self-esteem issues. He constantly degrades me both in public and in private. He does not share in any of the household duties (we both work full time). He tells me that the housework, cooking, etc. are my responsibilities. He has become physically abusive over the past 10 months, but they have been isolated incidents. I have made police rports, have pics of bruises, etc. I am being treated for depression and anxiety. My therapist tells me there is nothing wrong with me and that I am taking these meds to be able to live with this man. He keeps calling me crazy, irrational, and telling me that if I don't "straighten up" that he will take our son and leave. I am planning on leaving him, but I don't want him to be able to keep my son. His parents also think I am crazy. I don't know what he has told them. I have seen emails between them where they are talking about making me pay for child support and how I am just unfit. I am not unfit. I take care of my son. What can I do? Can he really take my son? He won't go to counselling or anything. He doesn't think there is anythig wrong with him. Please help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
    Posts
    74,832

    Default Re: Suffering Torment Every Day

    Divorce him.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1,948

    Exclamation Re: Suffering Torment Every Day

    Go to this website - they have a list of places that can help you.
    Start calling NOW!

    http://www.sboard.org/SHELTERS/MT.HTM

    Quote Quoting lovingmommy
    View Post
    we have a 10 month old son. ..he has become physically abusive over the past 10 months, but they have been isolated incidents. i have made police rports, have pics of bruises, etc.
    her minimizing is not helping!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Suffering Torment Every Day

    I want to divorce him but I need to be assured that he will not end up with custody of my son.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Toledo, OH
    Posts
    16,070

    Default Re: Suffering Torment Every Day

    No one can guarantee that he won't have at least partial custody.

    Get yourself a pit-bull of an attorney - preferably one with really sharp teeth - file for divorce, and fight for full custody.
    I'm not a lawyer, but I play a researcher on the internet!
    Caution: I bite. WARNING: Do not send questions or complaints by PM. I'm likely to post them publicly and embarrass you half to death.
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  6. #6

    Default Re: Suffering Torment Every Day

    That is not an assurance that anyone can give.

    What you CAN be relatively assured of is that after 14 years, things aren't going to change. If the violence in your relationship continues, or increases, you may BOTH loose open access to the child - him for committing abuse in front of the child, and you for failing to protect the child by returning to a known violent relationship.

    Custody for either party is possible. The possibilities decrease if there has been a documented history of violence, BUT, without there having been violence directly toward the child, the reality is that the father will be given SOME level of custody/visitation, even if that visitation is supervised. Remember that in the eyes of the court, you've been with this man and his history for a considerable amount of time, and still chose to have a child with him - even WITH his abusive history. So you're really working against your own endorsement of him as a father to the child. Police reports are one thing, but it's CONVICTIONS that really count. Did criminal charges or arrest ever come about? Were the pics of injuries taken by police? If so what happened with those charges?

    The bottom line is that the arrival of the child means that you and this man will likely have SOME level of contact due to visitation for the next 18 years, even if you leave and divorce him and end up with primary custody. T

    he dynamics of abuse in relationships isn't something that you just get out from under in a day, and statistically, violence INCREASES when victims attempt to leave. You really need to get some help - and a divorce - which is something you CAN do for yourself. Contact your local domestic violence program and find out what kinds of legal, emotional, counseling, advocacy, safety planning, restraining order assistance, or other services they can provide for you and your child. You cannot force HIM to get help in any way.
    Catherine NeSmith
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