I Have a Child with a Married Woman

[SingleDad30]

My question involves child support in the State of: San Diego

I was going through a tough marriage when I met this girl in the US. After a few discussions, we realized that we liked each other and became intimate. Few months later, she told me that she was pregnant but I was living in another country. She told her husband that he was the father and when the baby was born, his name was written on the birth certificate. My baby is 2.5 years now. I am divorced and want to marry my child's mother and live with her and my daughter. She wants to marry me as well however does not want to share the custody of our child with her husband. What rights do I have? Can her & I claim full custody of our daughter or would her husband be entitled to custody as well?

[Dogmatique]

My question involves child support in the State of: San Diego

I was going through a tough marriage when I met this girl in the US. After a few discussions, we realized that we liked each other and became intimate. Few months later, she told me that she was pregnant but I was living in another country. She told her husband that he was the father and when the baby was born, his name was written on the birth certificate. My baby is 2.5 years now. I am divorced and want to marry my child's mother and live with her and my daughter. She wants to marry me as well however does not want to share the custody of our child with her husband. What rights do I have? Can her & I claim full custody of our daughter or would her husband be entitled to custody as well?

Her husband is the legal father of the child and it's now too late to have that paternity disestablished (unless Dad actually agrees, and even then it may not be possible due to how long has passed).

He will remain her father, and should he wish, will have every right to file for custody, visitation and child support (just as Mom can do the same).

Sorry, but Mom chose him to be "Dad" - she's going to have to learn how to co-parent with him.

[CourtClerk]

Uhhh... I vehemently disagree. File a paternity suit.

[BeBeB]

I think once the father finds out he's been duped, he might be willing to sign over his parental rights. I think your best chance is to be honest with him... if it were me, I certainly wouldn't want to pay child support for a child that I was duped into believing was mine, especially when the real father was living with the mother and benefitting from that support (because the "happy couple") would have that extra income.

What a crappy thing to do though... sheesh.

[CourtClerk]

I think once the father finds out he's been duped, he might be willing to sign over his parental rights. I think your best chance is to be honest with him... if it were me, I certainly wouldn't want to pay child support for a child that I was duped into believing was mine, especially when the real father was living with the mother and benefitting from that support (because the "happy couple") would have that extra income.

What a crappy thing to do though... sheesh.

One should not give legal advice if they are ignorant of the law.

One cannot just "sign over his parental rights." What gives you the impression that the court would just bastardize a child like that?

[BeBeB]

One should not give legal advice if they are ignorant of the law.

One cannot just "sign over his parental rights." What gives you the impression that the court would just bastardize a child like that?

Obviously, the real father wants to obtain custody and all legal rights... did you not read his question? Which means he would assume those rights through adoption.

Are you implying that parents are never allowed to terminate their rights when someone else is prepared to assume them? Because I would have to say that you're wrong...

[SingleDad30]

I think once the father finds out he's been duped, he might be willing to sign over his parental rights. I think your best chance is to be honest with him... if it were me, I certainly wouldn't want to pay child support for a child that I was duped into believing was mine, especially when the real father was living with the mother and benefitting from that support (because the "happy couple") would have that extra income.

What a crappy thing to do though... sheesh.

BeBeB.... let me correct you... I am NOT living with her currently.... that is however what we want to do. Secondly, we are not looking for any child support from the legal father. We earn enough to take care of our child. The reason she is still with her husband is because I was in another country when the child was born and she did not wanted to take the risk of raising the child alone. I know it is not the right thing to do but she did what she felt right at the moment. While she did tell me that it was my child, I stayed quiet since I was not OK to invite trouble for her!! Yes, it took us a long time to make this decision but we want to go ahead and live together as a family. The legal father is not that close to the child, and we are ready to pay back any money that he may have spent on the child, plus the interest...... it's not about money.... it's about a father and his baby!!!
My main concern is that he may try to not give up on the child just to make our life hell, even thou he may have no emotional bonding with our baby after learning that it's not his...
also can he sue his wife for parental fraud???

[cyjeff]

I also think that the only people who think it easy to walk away from a child after 2.5 years are those people that have never been parents.

Even if paternity may be disallowed, the court would have to believe it be in the best interests of the child to do so.

[CourtClerk]

Let me first address Bebeb (or whoever). Your initial post spoke NOTHING of adoption... so don't try that. Not to mention, that the OP wouldn't even be ABLE to adopt the child through means of step parent adoption for some time.... *sigh* this is too easy. Not to mention, it's cheaper to go my route.

Uncle Jeffy: It's not too far of a stretch to think that CA would allow a paternity suit to go forward with a 2 1/2 year old child. I've seen it done, even with children older than this. At this point, one could argue there is still time for the child to develop a relationship with their biological parent. They wouldn't even remember (current) legal dad 10 years from now.

[cyjeff]

Let me first address Bebeb (or whoever). Your initial post spoke NOTHING of adoption... so don't try that. Not to mention, that the OP wouldn't even be ABLE to adopt the child through means of step parent adoption for some time.... *sigh* this is too easy. Not to mention, it's cheaper to go my route.

Uncle Jeffy: It's not too far of a stretch to think that CA would allow a paternity suit to go forward with a 2 1/2 year old child. I've seen it done, even with children older than this. At this point, one could argue there is still time for the child to develop a relationship with their biological parent. They wouldn't even remember (current) legal dad 10 years from now.

I agree. It just isn't a slam dunk.

much of it depends on the relationship with the man the child believes is the father.