Forcing the Father to Follow Divorce Decree

[mking213]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas

My girlfriend, a wonderful mother of two beautiful children ages 26 and 9 months is recently divorced from an abusive ex-husband who financially bankrupt her, mentally physically and emotionally abused her and now pays his measly $400.00 per month child support as late as possible.

The divorce decree states the following:

A) The father is to have visitation the 1st 3rd and 5th weekends of the month starting Friday at 6PM, ending Sunday at 6PM.

B) The father is to pay the sum of $400.00 on the 1st of the month every month.

The father is supposed to have the girls this weekend and in the decree it states he can choose a competent person to pick the children up if he can not. I've found out he isn't even in the state right now! Out of the last 10 weekends the father is supposed to have the kids, he's had them maybe 4 times. When he does take them, he arrives when he wants to pick them up, then drops them off when he wants to. Sometimes he'll get there at 7:45PM to pick them up, then drops them off sometimes 24 hours early.

My question is, is there any way to make him use his visitation? I can understand if he's sick once or twice a year but he seems to just not want the kids. I love these girls with all my heart and I want their father in their life, but if he's going to be in their life I want him IN THEIR LIFE! I don't want him to take them twice in January, once in February, none in march, none in April, once in May. Get my point? Consistency is what I'm looking for. Also, is there a way to get him to pay his child support on time? What he does seems to be one last attempt at making my girlfriends life as miserable as possible!

Thanks!

[cyjeff]

You, as the boyfriend, are a legal stranger to the children.

You, as the boyfriend, do not have a dog in this fight.

You, as the boyfriend, can be seen as interfering in the court ordered custody of the father.

You, as the boyfriend, need to butt out.... NOW.

Dad can choose to use or not use his visitation. It is tragic he does not, but it is not a legal requirement.

[mking213]

Cyjeff,

The mother and I are getting married next week, I won't have my two daughters confused as to why "daddy" comes and goes as he wants, tells them "mommy doesn't love you" and the such. I KNOW as a boyfriend I have no legal pull, my girlfriend and I love eachother and I love her children. I don't think the children being probed for information by a pill popping alcoholic biological father is right.

[Mr. Knowitall]

The mother can't make him exercise his visitation, but she can seek amendment of his parenting time to be consistent with what he wants to exercise; she can also seek a provision that if he doesn't show up within a specified period of time (e.g., within 30 minutes of the start of his parenting time) then he loses that period of visitation.

[mking213]

Thanks, thats all we want. One of the girls is two, one of the girls is nine months. We know the father is taking Opiates, benzodiazepines and is drinking regularly and the grandmother is on a lot of psychotropic medication that makes her totally "zonked" when she takes it at night. So the mother and I worry that if one of the children get hurt in the middle of the night and the father is passed out drunk and the grandmother is in a medication coma then they won't be able to help the children. I'll talk to her about seeking an amendment of his parenting time to be consistent with what he wants to exercise though. Thanks for the advice.

[BamaBrownEyes1985]

i don't have any legal advice but just wanted to tell you to keep your head up.....i am also a girlfriend/common law wife (we are getting married) but been together for 5 years...anywho....but i have posted things similar to what you did and i always got ALOT of negative feedback...

i know that if you are not a biological parent you are a "legal stranger"...but when you love children even if they are not yours by blood its hard to just step back....and i also understand that you are just asking questions...

don't let the negative people on here get ya down

[Xena]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Texas

My girlfriend, a wonderful mother of two beautiful children ages 26 and 9 months is recently divorced from an abusive ex-husband who financially bankrupt her, mentally physically and emotionally abused her and now pays his measly $400.00 per month child support as late as possible.

The divorce decree states the following:

A) The father is to have visitation the 1st 3rd and 5th weekends of the month starting Friday at 6PM, ending Sunday at 6PM.

B) The father is to pay the sum of $400.00 on the 1st of the month every month.

The father is supposed to have the girls this weekend and in the decree it states he can choose a competent person to pick the children up if he can not. I've found out he isn't even in the state right now! Out of the last 10 weekends the father is supposed to have the kids, he's had them maybe 4 times. When he does take them, he arrives when he wants to pick them up, then drops them off when he wants to. Sometimes he'll get there at 7:45PM to pick them up, then drops them off sometimes 24 hours early.

My question is, is there any way to make him use his visitation? I can understand if he's sick once or twice a year but he seems to just not want the kids. I love these girls with all my heart and I want their father in their life, but if he's going to be in their life I want him IN THEIR LIFE! I don't want him to take them twice in January, once in February, none in march, none in April, once in May. Get my point? Consistency is what I'm looking for. Also, is there a way to get him to pay his child support on time? What he does seems to be one last attempt at making my girlfriends life as miserable as possible!

Thanks!

With the youungest being 9 months old, how long have they been divorced?

Yes, Mom can file for a modification, however it will take time to document the time that Dad does and doesn't use before she can file for a modification.

For now, she really should get a consult with a local attorney to see what she needs to do to begin the process, including documentation.

[asm129]

I work at a public interest family law center and I can answer your questions.

1. Can you or the mom force him to use his visitation?

No. There's nothing that can force him to visit his kid. It's the dad's right to visit but if he doesn't want to use it, that's up to him. You can't force someone to be a good father. You can only force them to help support the child and follow the orders that the judge signed in the final judgment.

2. What can you do if he returns the kids late?

First thing you have to check is if you have a final signed Judgment. You need more than just the divorce decree. You need to have the Judgment signed by the judge to make that Fri-Sun order official. Otherwise, it's not and there's nothing the police can do about it. If you're not sure, go to the courthouse, ask to see your file and ask the clerk if you have an official judgment that he has to follow.


Another option is to file what's called an Order to Show Cause Modification (OSC Mod for short). Let's say you do have a final judgment and he's still returning the kids late. You can do an OSC Mod. Go to the courthouse and they should have someone help you fill it out. In this form, you ask the judge to modify the visitation schedule. You can also ask for child abduction orders that prevent him from taking the kids out of the state or county without mom's permission. If he's paying child support late, this is where you can ask (in the Other Orders section) for his wages to be garnished. You can also go to Child Support Services and ask them to help with the garnishment. After you file the OSC Mod and serve him by mail, you get a court date and explain to the judge your case.

I hope that helps. I'm not offering any legal advice, just telling you your options.

[EA1970]

You, as the boyfriend, are a legal stranger to the children.

You, as the boyfriend, do not have a dog in this fight.

You, as the boyfriend, can be seen as interfering in the court ordered custody of the father.

You, as the boyfriend, need to butt out.... NOW.

Dad can choose to use or not use his visitation. It is tragic he does not, but it is not a legal requirement.

All of this is nice in theory and legally correct, BUT....

The reality is, when you live with / are married to someone who has children from a prior relationship, it *is* going to have an affect on your life. There's nothing wrong with seeking out answers on behalf of someone you love. Obviously that doesn't give legal standing.

HOWEVER, mking needs to realize that it usually does more harm than good when a third party tries to intervene / interfere with this type of situation, and he is indeed a third party and will remain so, even after marriage. You are in no legal position to demand consistency. If your girlfriend doesn't like it, stand by her side and support her, but don't start interfering as far as their dad is concerned. It's not your place to do so and you'll just end up creating more problems.

[BamaBrownEyes1985]

The last comment was very encouraging..in the right way....i am in the same situation...

You see exactly what i have been trying to tell people on here about even though they are not your blood children you are still emotionally invested and just want to help....

One good thing that i have to say about all the negative that i have gotten is it has helped me see where my boundries are and i need to stay behind them!!