Adult Children Abused when Younger

[wondering0331]

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Texas

My ex had custody of our two daughters, one is 19 and one just turned 18. They had contact and visits with me until he remarried and his wife decided to control every aspect of life resulting in his family in TX and me and my family in NY not having any contact for years.

The 19 year old was dropped off at her grandparents' house when she was 14 by her father and told that either they raise her or the state gets her. They, of course, took her into their home. The 18 year old moved 5 days ago to the state I and my parents live in, and is now living with my parents. I live in the middle of nowhere and they live in the city which gives her greater job/schooling opportunities. Their father sent an email to my parents out of the blue after 7 years of no contact whatsoever to see if they would take her in. As his parents did, they said yes. In one of his email communications with my parents, he states, "When 'Jill' was 16 1/2 and we had placed an alarm on her bedroom door (at the advice of both her therapist at the time and the police) and had put window locks on her windows." WHAT?! What therapist is going to advise locking your child in their room like that? What if there was a fire?

We found out from the 19 year old that they did the same with her. She had to use a wastebasket in her room for toileting purposes from 7pm until they shut the alarm off at 6am the following morning. She was not allowed to turn a light or the TV on in her room during those hours, also. All of this came within the last month.

My question is this: can the girls contact child services and have their father and stepmother charged with abuse/neglect even though they are over the age of majority now? Had any of the family on either side known back then what we know now, we would have reported them ourselves. Thank you.

[aardvarc]

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Texas

My ex had custody of our two daughters, one is 19 and one just turned 18. They had contact and visits with me until he remarried and his wife decided to control every aspect of life resulting in his family in TX and me and my family in NY not having any contact for years.

Did you have a court order that said you were supposed to get contact? If not, this aspect isn't an issue, legally. If you did, why didn't you pursue the matter with the court as a violation of the order?

The 19 year old was dropped off at her grandparents' house when she was 14 by her father and told that either they raise her or the state gets her.

Well, that's not up to dad. Too bad everyone takes the word of parents when they make grand announcements about what will happen to children, but the reality is that a COURT would determine what would happen to the child (which would typically default in the children going to the other parent absent extreme circumstances such as total termination of parental rights), as well as what would happen to HIM...up to and including criminal charges for child abandonment or neglect. A ten second phone call to any family law attorney in town, to Legal Aid, or to Child Protective Services would have set that record straight rather quickly.

They, of course, took her into their home.

Sorry they were bullied into doing so, but glad the children got to stay with family.

The 18 year old moved 5 days ago to the state I and my parents live in, and is now living with my parents. I live in the middle of nowhere and they live in the city which gives her greater job/schooling opportunities. Their father sent an email to my parents out of the blue after 7 years of no contact whatsoever to see if they would take her in. As his parents did, they said yes.

So long as they realize that at 18 she's an adult and no one is legally obligated to care for her, it's all good. Again, it's good that she's got the family support.

In one of his email communications with my parents, he states, "When 'Jill' was 16 1/2 and we had placed an alarm on her bedroom door (at the advice of both her therapist at the time and the police) and had put window locks on her windows." WHAT?! What therapist is going to advise locking your child in their room like that? What if there was a fire? We found out from the 19 year old that they did the same with her. She had to use a wastebasket in her room for toileting purposes from 7pm until they shut the alarm off at 6am the following morning.

Actually, it happens. Not often, but it does...particularly when children exhibit behaviors that are likely to cause injury to themselves or others (siblings in particular). If you've got a kid sneaking around the house drinking lighter fluid or beating other children sleeping in the middle of the night, the worry becomes the IMMEDIATE and known problem, versus a remote possible problem (fire). Unless you've got access to the therapist's records, and know what the issues were and what recommendations may have been made and why, authorities are not going to jump to locked doors being blatant abuse.

She was not allowed to turn a light or the TV on in her room during those hours, also.

Nowhere NEAR abuse.

All of this came within the last month.

My question is this: can the girls contact child services and have their father and stepmother charged with abuse/neglect even though they are over the age of majority now? Had any of the family on either side known back then what we know now, we would have reported them ourselves. Thank you.

The children can certainly contact child protective services or police to make a complaint - but they will have to contact the agency in the state where they were residing when the incidents in question happened. That agency is the one who would have jurisdiction over the matter. No, they can't have anyone charged...that's up to authorities...and given the circumstances, it's very unlikely that they'll pursue the matter, especially if the children are now grown, out of the house, and in another state. Even had you known of what you describe at the time, the only part that might raise an eyebrow is the use of the trash can as a toilet - but again, at this late date, I wouldn't expect anything to come of it at this point. In fact, it's quite possible that if the children were exhibiting behaviors that spurred a therapist and police to recommend putting locks on the doors, it's even possible that dad could have faced neglect charges for NOT doing so - because SOMEONE obviously felt there was some IMMEDIATE danger that needed to be dealth with via the locks. Without some serious detail as to the circumstances under which the recommendation was made, its impossible to make the jump to abuse, much less abuse that would rise to the level of a criminal charge. No one can give a clear, concise, and definitive answer without knowing the OTHER side of the story. particularly if the parent was following the recommendation of a therapist (who by law is a mandated reporter of abuse and didn't report abuse but was obviously working with the family).

Tell them to contact police in the city/town/county where they were living and report it if they wish - but don't set them up for disappointment by getting their hopes up that anything will come of it.

[Mr. Knowitall]

I doubt that child protective services will have any jurisdiction to investigate, given that the alleged victims of abuse are no longer minors and there are no minors remaining in the household. They certainly wouldn't have jurisdiction to investigate acts that allegedly occurred in another state.

A factor with the locks may have been (a) sneaking out, (b) running away, (c) having boys sneak in, or (d) some combination of the above. It's pretty easy to conceive of a window lock that would give way to moderate force in the event of a fire, but would make it pretty obvious if a teen broke the lock to sneak out.

[Xena]

My question involves child abuse or neglect in the State of: Texas

My ex had custody of our two daughters, one is 19 and one just turned 18. They had contact and visits with me until he remarried and his wife decided to control every aspect of life resulting in his family in TX and me and my family in NY not having any contact for years.

The 19 year old was dropped off at her grandparents' house when she was 14 by her father and told that either they raise her or the state gets her. They, of course, took her into their home. The 18 year old moved 5 days ago to the state I and my parents live in, and is now living with my parents. I live in the middle of nowhere and they live in the city which gives her greater job/schooling opportunities. Their father sent an email to my parents out of the blue after 7 years of no contact whatsoever to see if they would take her in. As his parents did, they said yes. In one of his email communications with my parents, he states, "When 'Jill' was 16 1/2 and we had placed an alarm on her bedroom door (at the advice of both her therapist at the time and the police) and had put window locks on her windows." WHAT?! What therapist is going to advise locking your child in their room like that? What if there was a fire?

We found out from the 19 year old that they did the same with her. She had to use a wastebasket in her room for toileting purposes from 7pm until they shut the alarm off at 6am the following morning. She was not allowed to turn a light or the TV on in her room during those hours, also. All of this came within the last month.

My question is this: can the girls contact child services and have their father and stepmother charged with abuse/neglect even though they are over the age of majority now? Had any of the family on either side known back then what we know now, we would have reported them ourselves. Thank you.

As the others have said, it is likely too late now to do anything about the alleged abuse.

As for the allegation that an ALARM was placed on the door and LOCKS put on the bedroom windows, I can tell you from personal experience, yes, therapists can and often do advise that. My son's therapist had advised dad and I to do just that, he could not climb out through the window and anytime he opened his bedroom door, we knew about it. From what you've posted, apparently the doors were NOT actually locked, although the child might have been afraid of the consequences of opening the door, they may have been able to physically do so.

Given that your daughters apparently had a rough childhood, not only from dad but also from you (yes, you do play a part by your neglect to go to court to enforce your parental rights to be involved in your childrens' lives) both of your daughters might benefit from some counseling as adults.