Dealing With a 16-Year-Old Delinquent Son

[ptakja]

My question involves guardianship in the State of: North Carolina

I have a 16 year old son that is on a path of self destruction. For the past 2-3 years his behavior has deteriorated to the point that we don't know what to do. Last year, he pulled a knife on me after a dispute over a cell phone. He spent Dec 2008 in juvenile detention. Then was transferred from there to a drug rehab facility from January - June 2009. None of that helped. He is still using drugs, and getting more & more engaged in criminal behavior including:

• Drug dealing
• Robbing other kids
• Stealing from me & other family members
• Property damage
• Driving car w/o permission or license

He was just recently in court for a drug posession charge (I reported him after I told him that if he brings drugs into my house again, I call the cops). All he got was a large fine/legal bill. I don't think any probation was discussed.
He spent 2 days in jail on this charge too. Nothing phases this kid.

He is failing out of school and is essentially holding my family hostage with his behavior. He rarely follows any rules and is easily pushed to violence. We have spent several thousand dollars on mental health treatment for him. So far nothing has worked, and we are tapped out financially.

We also have a 14 year old son in the house. This boy is polar opposite of his older brother. He is a good kid, with good grades & friends.

We are at the end our rope with this kid and are very concerned about our safety with him around (either from him, or some drug-deal-gone-bad where someone breaks in for revenge. He routinely sells kids fake drugs to steal their money.)

So, my question is at what age can we legally kick him out? I am getting conflicting information. I thought it was 18.

[cbg]

It is 18....

[AbusedParent]

ptakja:
Boy, can I relate to you.... I don't have nothing in the way of legal advice but you should know that you are not the only person this has happened to - it happened to me! I can only post some sympathy. It literally turned my life upside down. It's not over with my son, and I grieve every day for what I feel as a great loss. I can only tell you what I did to deal with this situation.

1. I engaged a counselor. The counselor helped ME to determine and to follow through with consequences and get past the feelings of being a parental failure. The counselor was all over me to stop tolerating violent behavior. See item 2.

2. I stopped tolerating violent behavior. When he got violent, I called the cops. I pressed charges. Yes, I pressed charges against my own 16 year old kid. Sounds like you've already done this. He was charged with menacing, assault, criminal mischief, and I forget the others. This was very hard to do, but looking back I think that having a zero tolerance policy for violence and following through helped tremendously. Now, when he gets mad he leaves.

3. I made it clear to him that his current friends are not welcome in my house. When I came home unexpectedly and he and his friends were skipping school, I called the kids parents, the sheriff, and the school. The school and sheriff didn't do anything but guess what? Word spread via text message before I finished dialing and now one wants to come to my house anymore. Fine with me!

4. I yanked the car keys, money, and cell phone. He had no problems getting rides from friends but at least it was not in my car. He bought his own pay as you go phone and paid for it himself. I don't know where he got the money.

5. I stopped chasing after him when he "ran away". Guess what? He always came back.

6. I made it clear to him that he has no privacy in my house that his room would be searched for drugs, and, if found, the police will be called. I have yet to find drugs in my house though I know he is using and keeping them elsewhere. I did this after I had called the police for his violent behavior so I think he knew I would follow through on my consequence.

7. I learned to use the following as a guidepost. "As a parent, I cannot control his behavior. I can, however, hold him accountable for it."

I hope this helps.

[darkwizard12345]

research the "national guard youth challenge program". it is a military academy, its free, and there is one in your state. i graduated the first class of the washington youth challenge program and it changed my life. here is a link to the site

http://www.ngycp.org/site/state/nc/