Child Visitation Issues

**chaufamily** · 11-18-2009, 11:52 AM

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

My son is six years old and refuses to go with his biological mother during christmas vacation. She has visitation rights during school holidays but over the past year she has missed every single one. Over the past 2-3 years she has only seen him a handful of times and over the past year alone she hasn't seen him at all. What are our legal rights since he sincerly does not want to go wtih her?

**NdK1009** · 11-18-2009, 12:29 PM

I'm struggling with a similar situation right now, and as my lawyer keeps telling me, the only way to alter the non-custodial parent's visitation is if 1) the NCP voluntarily chooses not to exercise his/her visitation - has your son tried talking to his mom and explaining his desire to remain home? Or 2) you can go to court and request a modification of the visitation rights based upon her infrequent visitations. But without a court's approval, there really isn't much you can do. You have an obligation, legally, to abide by the current visitation agreement. therefore, you need to make your son available for the visitation.

If you fail to adhere to the visitation agreement, you may face sanctions or fines through a contempt of court charge and/or perhaps even a change of custody motion.

**chaufamily** · 11-19-2009, 11:35 AM

My son refuses to have anything to do with her so they don't speak on the phone. He really doesn't know her all to well since they haven't really spent much time together, she recently went through another divorce and her husband is trying to get legal custody of his daughter. We just don't want to force him into leaving, we tried that last year and he just broke down and became really upset with me. I think we are going to have to go back to court again which is a bummer, the last thing I want is to lose my son over something like this.

The other kicker, is that she said she doesn't want to take him for her portion of the visitation but she wants to take him the second week which is our time during his vacation.

**ksmom** · 11-19-2009, 02:15 PM

Because he's had so little contact over a fairly long period of time, and because of his age, and the fact that he's obviously having problems w/ it, you maybe could take it back to court and ask for reunification therapy.

Is he in any type of counseling? That's your very best bet right there - it's extremely necessary. Not only will he be able to learn coping skills, his counselor/therapist or whatever would be an objective witness to give an opinion on how visitation should be handled best for your son.

Get him into counseling or therapy right now!!

You also don't have to make deals - you follow the court order. If she doesn't want him for the court ordered time, she forfeits her time, she doesn't get yours.

**mrshiggins** · 11-22-2009, 12:49 AM

If you don't agree with switching the holiday time, then you don't have to. If she doens't take the time given to her, she forfeits her time.
But either way, child must go with mother, unless she doens't show up and pick him up.
You need to explain to this child that it's the law that he goes with his mother on this and this day... and you can't protect child from disappointment all the time.
Either ask for a modification of custody because of her infrequent visitation or ask for some therapy for all of you... or a graduated plan.
If mother isn't willing then reduce her visitation by courts.

**CourtClerk** · 11-22-2009, 10:02 AM

Aside from all the huggy smushy "advice" you've been getting, the real answer is (at least for this holiday season), you have the legal obligation to follow the court order. If that means the kid has to go, the kid has to go. If it continues to become an issue, then modify visitation, but it won't get done by Christmas. And no, you don't HAVE to switch times if you don't want to.