Father Taking Advantage of Me Being Lenient on Visitation

[georgia_matt05]

Texas - My ex-husband was released from incarceration in November 2008. He didn't want much to do with our daughter until he saw how close of a relationship she has with my husband (who she calls daddy) and he remarried a couple of months ago. My husband has been persuading me to let my daughter spend time with her father (I've been nervous because she really has no relationship with him due to him being gone about 12-13 years out of her 14 years and also because he was incarcerated for so long and when he was released, he was going crazy on his dating of many women). I'm listening to my husband's advice and letting her spend time with her father and his new wife (who has 2 girls of her own, but doesn't even have custody of them). I don't know my ex very well and I know his new wife even less. Our custody paperwork states that he is to have visitation with her the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend every month and every Wednesday from 6:00-8:00. I have let him spend time with her on days that aren't his visitation days and even let him pick her up from school at 4:30 this past Wednesday instead of picking her up at the house at 6:00, so I asked him to have her home before 8:00. He got her home late (without so much as a phone call). When I let him know that I was upset that he didn't have her home before 8:00 like I asked him to do, he got mad at me and started yelling that he is supposed to have her until 8:00 while completely blowing off the fact that he shouldn't have picked her up until 6:00 anyway and the fact that he gets her on days when it's not his visitation days. He told me that I need to follow the visitation order. Our daughter is 14 and doesn't always want to go to his place on the visitation days. Should I stick to the visitation order like he is wanting me to do and ignore his request for more time with her and let her make her own decisions on whether she wants to go when it's his time? Or should I just let things go accordingly to let them form a relationship? I feel that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. This has me really stressed out because I don't want it to affect my daughter and I fear that it will.

[mrshiggins]

I would just follow the court order... that's what it's there for; to give stability to both parents and the child. If he doesn't like it, tell him to file for a modification, and in that modification you always ask that it's up to the child to decide whether she wants to go or not. And ask the judge or mediator to speak to the child because it won't go her way, but she will be able to express to the courts how she feels and it MAY be used in consideration.