Getting Reasonable Support and Visitation

[TNmommy]

My question involves child support in the State of: TN
background: last year my husband found out about a child from a one night stand 2 years prior before anyone asks, we were not married, but broken up for a week and he decided to avenge me, he knows now how stupid the idea was. The girl had to have 3 other guys tested and never came to him, nor was a part of our lives. In fact the child looks NOTHING like him. She has been living off the state for 2 years. in public housing, food stamps, welfare, they pay her child care and everything.(while her mommy and daddy live in a huge house drive brand new mustangs and give her cash all the time that she doesn't claim) plus she IS a drug addict but we cant prove it. So now the state is after us for 2 years back support for all they have paid.
Nov- 2 DNA test done.
Dec- father files for SOME custody
Jan- temp child support ordered, mother brings in a written document stating she make less than min wage,like 5 dollars, it is accepted.
5 days later she turns in her paperwork to the state, accidently submiting a paper that shows she made 7.25 an hour and now she makes 8 dollars. lawyer promises to appeal(never got done) stll paying one weeks worth of wages to childsupport, while trying to support a family of four. and i recently found a job but am paid min wage, helps a bit yes. no excuse for her lies though.
5-6 court hearings since then and she had show up for ONE, the one my husband put against her so he can see his son (b/c she has to show up or go to jail)
everything thats going in is ruining my marriage, im trying to be patient but she keeps dragging it on, everytime she doesnt show up for a court date we get charged by our lawyer running the bill up past thousands of dollars we pay what we could, but in a one income home with 2 babies its hard, finally our lawyer (who was crap in the first place) just filed to drop us even after we paid in full i guess b/c it took to long? we cant afford a retainer for another.
questions- okay she agreed to the visitation we asked. every sunday we have him. we are also wanting to ask for the right to claim him on taxes every other year since my husband pays more than half for him. and really cant afford to pay back all the money to the state. since we dont have a lawyer we can not afford to get screwed over any advice appreciated. what can we do???

[distressedmom]

This might be one of those situations where your husband needs to talk to a lawyer. The local state bar association can provide you a referral for a modest cost.

[TNmommy]

wish we could but our funds are all tapped out, not even sure how we are gonna pay our electric bill this week. We used all our savings to pay off the lawyer, he said he would keep us if we paid in full but he lied. plus my husband just lost his job this week but found a new one on monday but the pay is alot less, we got a order change put in place but i dont trust the mother to put in the right information, i know for a few months out of the year she claims unemployment b/c she works for a tax place so theres no work, im afraid shell claim shes unemployed then well have to pay even more, threrfore going back to court in january again to change it...i just want it all done really

[CourtClerk]

The IRS does not have to follow a court order on who claims the child for tax purposes. That deduction goes to mom just because kiddo lives with her. If they choose to abide by the CO, they can, but they don't HAVE to, and if it becomes in dispute, they won't.