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  1. #1
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    Default I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    i'm in the state of california...

    i'm married and had a baby from another man. my husband wanted to work on our marriage since we have a 4 year old daughter. the biological father knew of my pregnancy and wanted to be part of the baby's life. i agreed with him at first but the day i gave birth i changed my mind. at the time, i wasn't sure what to do so i didn't put a father's name on the birth certificate. my husband has been there for me and took care of all the financial responsibility since the beginning of my pregnancy until now. the biological father doesn't know my baby's first name, only the last name which is my husband's. he also doesn't know her exact birth date but he knows the hospital where she was born and my pregnancy due date but she was born before the date.

    now, my baby is 10 months old and i've been receiving emails from him that he wants to be part of my baby's life and is upset that i'm hiding her from him. we don't want to give him the chance to do DNA test...is there something my husband and i can do? can i add my husband's name on the birth certificate, would that make a difference? can my husband adopt my baby? what are my options?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    Your husband is already legally this child's father. However, I encourage the other man to sue you for paternity immediately so disestablishment can occur sooner than later.
    If you wanted babies all to yourself, you should have created them by yourself. Until you do that, children have the right to BOTH parents, especially since you found them suitable to procreate with.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    The only way to prevent his inclusion into your child's life is to have never had sex with him.

    If he establishes paternity (and, by the way, the judge is NOT going to look very favorably upon your efforts to keep his child from him), he can and should demand reasonable visitation.

    You can and should demand child support.

    Face it... you, your husband and the father of the child are going to be working this out for the next couple of decades.

    Be adults about it.
    All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
    - Mark Twain

  4. #4
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    Default Re: I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    my husband and i are 20 years apart, we've been married for 7 years now, during that time, we were separated for almost 6 months. i only knew the other person less than 2 months. we had our drunk moments and that's how my baby was conceive. the other guy on the other hand lied to me about his live-in girlfriend and their then 3 month old baby, that's how our relationship ended when i found out about his girlfriend/family. i thought to do the right thing at first for my baby's sake, but when it came down to it, i didn't want to deal with a dirty dog who cheated on his girlfriend who just had his baby.

    after all the drama with him, my husband asked me to move back in and was willing to work things out with me. my husband loves my baby like his own...my family is back to normal and i don't want the other guy coming around and try to ruin my family. he's a cheater and he will always be a cheater...time will come when he meets someone else and he'll just keep on doing the same thing. how many kids will he have then? is he really going to stay in their lives like he says now? is it worth breaking another family for his selfishness? I don't think so... i didn't cheat on my husband, we broke up cause i thought there were so many things i didn't get to do in life cause i was young when i married him...but after being away from my husband for only 6 months, i realized he's the best thing that ever happened to me and not many people out there is as stong as he is for facing his problem and being able to forgive...i know he wants to forget the past and move on, but we can't do that if this other person keeps on popping out of nowhere and try to ruin us.

    i'm not here for people to judge me, i'm here to ask anyone who are in the same situation for advice. i know other people have their opinion on things, but unless you've been in that person's shoes, you don't know how it feels so don't be too critical. my question is still the same...anyone out there who knows the law in california for DNA testing? can my baby's biological father take me to court for DNA test considering my situation...

  5. #5
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    Default Re: I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    Whatever drama YOU created, the legal answer remains the same...

    YES, he can sue you for paternity and the court can order a DNA test.
    If you wanted babies all to yourself, you should have created them by yourself. Until you do that, children have the right to BOTH parents, especially since you found them suitable to procreate with.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    Look at the California Family Code, Sec. 7611-7612. Your marriage to the child's father at the time of conception and birth makes him the child's presumed father. The biological father will have difficulty overcoming that presumption without a relationship with the child, assuming your husband has established a parent-child relationship, although if he takes action soon that may be overcome by what appears to be your concerted effort to keep him from having any access to the child.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    i bumped into this online:

    In the matter of (Dawn D. v. Jerry K., 952 P.2d 1139 (Cal. 1998), A married, but separated, woman lived with another man. During that period she conceived a child. Sometime after that she reconciled with her husband and the baby was born after the reconciliation. When a child is born during a marriage the husband is presumed under the law to be the natural father. Despite the fact that the natural father sought to prove paternity and establish a relationship with the child in the Dawn D. case, the court ruled "a biological father's mere desire to establish a personal relationship with the child is not a fundamental liberty interest protected by the Due Process Clause."

    Additionally, in a similar case, the US Supreme court in the matter of Michael H. v. Gerald D. (491 U.S. 110 (1989) a four-justice plurality held that the natural father had no liberty interest in continuing a relationship that he had already established with his child, whose mother was married to someone else.

    well, i guess if it comes down to it...if he's really going to take me to court, i guess i'll just have to hire a really good lawyer. my baby will be 1 year in two months, hopefully by the time he takes me to court...i can use that against him for not being there for the first year of her life. one more question though... i guess he had a changed of heart cause when his girlfriend didn't want him to have anything to do with this baby...he did as she said and left me a few voicemails how he chose his baby with her over mine and to leave him alone. now 10 months later, i guess he changed his mind and want to be part of the baby's life.... i've saved the voicemails, can i use the voicemails he left me in court? how he goes back and forth...is it worth introducing to a child where he might have a change of heart again and breaks the baby's heart in a long run when he doesn't show up cause his girlfriend told him he couldn't. and i'm pretty sure she has no idea he's trying to email me again about the baby. but that's their business. i just want to know if i can use any of his voicemails against him and i did record a few of our phone conversations before but he's not aware of the recording, can i use that in court too?

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    You can use them if you'd like to end up in jail. California is a two party state, which means if you recorded his phone calls without his knowledge or permission, you once broke the law. Again, bad judgment.

    Oh, and he has the right to change his mind as to whether or not he wants to deal with you. You got to change your mind, he gets to change his. If he WANTS to be a part of his child's life, he will generally get that opportunity.
    If you wanted babies all to yourself, you should have created them by yourself. Until you do that, children have the right to BOTH parents, especially since you found them suitable to procreate with.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    i guess i can't use the recorded phone calls that he wasn't aware about, but i guess the voicemails are ok... he left me so many of them... from the time he wanted to be part of the baby's life... to where he wanted us to leave him alone and wanted nothing to do with the baby. 10 months later, he's back and i believe he's just all talk...if he really wanted to, he would've done it by now, if he loves his child like he says then why wait 10months later and still haven't done anything.

    anyway, i was just told that i guess california has a jurisdiction of 2 years... after that my husband will be the legal father of my baby and the biological father can't do anything anymore by then. so i hope he'll continue to just talk the talk until 2 years is up so he can stay away from us forever. thanks to all for your input...

    i've made an appointment to one of the best lawyers in town, but it's not 'til 2 weeks from now...i'm trying to gather information on here so i can ask those questions in my appointment.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: I'm Married and Got Pregnant by Another Man

    Quote Quoting chique57
    View Post
    anyway, i was just told that i guess california has a jurisdiction of 2 years...
    Ask whoever just told you that to show you that in writing...in the family code. Don't be surprised when they can't find it.
    If you wanted babies all to yourself, you should have created them by yourself. Until you do that, children have the right to BOTH parents, especially since you found them suitable to procreate with.

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