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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    5

    Unhappy Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    My question involves criminal law for the state of: Louisiana
    My husband and I got into a reallly big argument that ended up becoming violent...He had punched me in the stomach when he got upset. Then he ended up slapping me on my left cheeck and shoving my blackberry up toward my neck.... in front of our 2 yr old. I ended up calling the police when he left to work . I eneded up writing out a statement and photos were only taken of my neck because he had left a bruise on me. the police told me that he will process the papers and he will have a warrent out for his arrest.


    When the police left my husband ended up calling me, and apoligize for what he did... i accepted it... he is going to turn his self in once they get the warrent out for his arrest. what my question is how long will he have to be in jail until i can bail him out, than when court comes how can i keep my husband from going back to jail...in the meantime i plan on taking him to anger mangement classes and marriage counceling will any of this help before we go to court where he has to plead guilty ....lease help!!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    853

    Default Re: Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    This will not stop. Studies (and my experience) has shown that the violence will escalate. Get out now. Many women and their children are killed by this sort of violence every year.

    Do you really want your child growing up and watching this sort of thing?

  3. #3

    Default Re: Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    Quote Quoting Jackie143
    View Post
    My question involves criminal law for the state of: Louisiana
    My husband and I got into a reallly big argument that ended up becoming violent...He had punched me in the stomach when he got upset. Then he ended up slapping me on my left cheeck and shoving my blackberry up toward my neck.... in front of our 2 yr old.
    In addition to Divemedic's comments - you need to be aware that the fact that this violence occurred in the presence of your child means that taking someone who YOU reported as being violent towards you BACK into the home, means that you could loose custody of your child. Adults who are ok with being smacked around are one thing (the state prosecutes on behalf of ALL members of society, not just the victim), but unless you are willing to show that you have at least some notion that accountability for actions is needed here, the state could put you in a position to choose your batterer or your child - a child who doesn't have a say in whether or not his mother chooses to remain in a relationship that includes violence.

    I ended up calling the police when he left to work . I eneded up writing out a statement and photos were only taken of my neck because he had left a bruise on me. the police told me that he will process the papers and he will have a warrent out for his arrest. When the police left my husband ended up calling me, and apoligize for what he did... i accepted it... he is going to turn his self in once they get the warrent out for his arrest. what my question is how long will he have to be in jail until i can bail him out,
    It will depend on the EXACT charges listed on the warrant. He may or may not qualify. You should also be aware that there is a strong possibility that since your child was in the home at the time of the violence, there may be an automatic restraining order issued that would usually be served to him before he gets out of jail (again, assuming bond is even an optoin). That order typically would tell him to go NOWHERE near the home, the victim (YOU), or any child involved in the case. If that order is violated, two important things happen: first, he goes to jail and adds MORE charges for violating the order, and second, the odds that CPS would get involved suddenly become 100% and the paperwork for swooping in to remove the child for "failure to protect" takes less time to complete than it's taking me to write this email. BOTH of you need to know in very plain terms that IF the court issues an order that says "no contact" - it MEANS: NO CONTACT. No phone calls, emails, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, messages passed between friends, astral projection, CB radio, or messages in a bottle. Again, if you'd prefer to live with him and possibly be able to visit your child at his new place of residence, by all means feel free to shrug off this advice and take your chances.

    than when court comes how can i keep my husband from going back to jail...
    The only real way would have been to not call the police. Once you've reported a crime, the ball is rolling and you become a witness, nothing more. The person who had the ability to keep him out of jail was HIM, and he apparently had different plans

    in the meantime i plan on taking him to anger mangement classes and marriage counceling will any of this help before we go to court where he has to plead guilty ....lease help!!!
    Marriage counseling for what? Bad marriages (or drugs, or alcohol) don't cause domestic violence. Domestic violence is caused by one party believing that violence is a justifiable behavior at some level (and there are LOTS of different judtifications). Does HE need some counseling? Probably. Do YOU need some counseling? Probably. But these need to take part SEPARATELY...NOT together. At least not until he addresses that he has a violence issue, and you address whatever dynamic it is that makes it ok for him to batter you in front of your child, as long as he is really sorry for it afterwards. You're BOTH in unhealthy places and a successful, healty marriage (or marriage counseling) can't start until the INDIVIDUAL issues are addressed FIRST. Otherwise you both just bring poison to the table.

    As is all too common, the mistake you're making here is assuming that YOU can do anything to CHANGE this situation. The ONLY thing YOU have any level of credible control over is YOU (and at least for now, your child). YOU can plan for him to go to this class, or that class, or cooking class, or fingerpainting class. The court will probably have some ideas about him going to class too. But the real life truth is that if HE doesn't think the behavior is a problem, AND if he's not willing to WORK to change it, nothing you do is going to change him, even if the process of trying makes YOU feel better. Just ask Divemedic, who, like me, can tell you first hand that a huge number of deaths related to domestic violence were NOT "one time things". Often there ARE restraining orders in place. Often one party has BEEN to anger management. It's the rule, NOT the exception that such cases have prior cases, if not MULTIPLE prior cases. And while YOU might not understand or believe this dynamic, believe me, the courts and prosecutors DO.

    IF he has some internal drive or vested interest in moving past any of this in a HEALTHY way, then HE will get up off his OWN butt and make his OWN plans for class - preferably ASAP and BEFORE a court has to ORDER him to do so. Even then, the court can only order him to attend - it can't order him to change. A court CAN however sentence him to a place where he won't be ABLE to commit further crimes for a while - at least not ones against you, and not ones in the presence of your child.


    Finally, he doesn't HAVE to plead guilty. He can plead innocent if he wants to. But if they've got your report, and photos of the injuries, I'm not sure what defense he plans on using or how much money you've got to burn to drag things out - not that this is necessarily a slam dunk case, but if he done it, he done it. His best bet is hoping that the prosecution offers him some sort of first offender type plan - something like one or more classes and probation in exchange for not going to jail. Still, the issue with CPS could remain on the table. And, you need to be really really really (did I say REALLY?) aware, that ANY level of violence occurring in the future is not only going to be handled more harshly by the courts against HIM, but also by CPS against YOU. So BEFORE you bring him back into your home, you need to be REALLY honest with yourself, not hopeful, not willful, but brutally honest in asking yourself (and even your/his therapist) this question: has there been some SUBSTANTIAL change and does he get it that this isn't ok?

    Because here's what it means if you're wrong: it means if it happens again, you'll be faced with two decisions: either don't call police and hope you'll be able to defend yourself without a mark on either of you, or, you DO call police, who, along with the courts and CPS will have VERY little choice to get even more involved, up to and possibly including removing your child from your care. You REALLY can't afford to get this wrong.
    Catherine NeSmith
    Executive Director
    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

    Fave Big Bang Theory site: Sheldon Cooper Fans

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    5

    Default Re: Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    Honestly, I can say the truth really hurts...I honestly want to help him out, But not at the expense of my kids. Anyway the reason why I'm trying to help him is because we are married and when i said i do it says through better or for worst and right now we are at our worst...what type of charges can he be facing? and whats the longest time that a judge can keep him in jail...in the state of louisiana!!! Im not quiet sure, is what he did was a felony or misdemeanor!!! Because in 2007 i reported him threating me and he had a warrent for his arrest and the cop gave him a break because we got back together. he pleaded guilty and we paid a fine, when we went to court. will his record suffer for this...Please respond asat!!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Officially across the country from where I've been all my life
    Posts
    3,411

    Default Re: Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    So, in 2007, he was threatening you, and since he got off with a slap on the wrist, he's escalated to beating the crap out of you in front of your child. Your question is how to keep him out of trouble?

    Lady, you need intensive therapy. Apparently, no one has told you that you do not deserve to be treated in such a manner. Neither one of you have the right to subject your child to this type of ABUSE. At a minimum, this poor child should be taken into protective custody.
    If you wanted babies all to yourself, you should have created them by yourself. Until you do that, children have the right to BOTH parents, especially since you found them suitable to procreate with.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    Quote Quoting Jackie143
    View Post
    Honestly, I can say the truth really hurts...I honestly want to help him out,
    The ONLY person who can help HIM....IS HIM.

    But not at the expense of my kids. Anyway the reason why I'm trying to help him is because we are married and when i said i do it says through better or for worst and right now we are at our worst...
    For better or worse does NOT cover when one person takes it upon themselves to inflict criminal injury on another person. Better or worse means you BOTH are working towards common goals, working through common problems, for the betterment of BOTH people as a couple and the family as a whole. Him hitting you and you going back for more is the path to having part of your family taken AWAY from both of you. There's no part of him threatening or hitting you that falls under "better or worse"...it's ONLY worse...and he's not doing it WITH you - he's doing it TO you.


    what type of charges can he be facing? and whats the longest time that a judge can keep him in jail...in the state of louisiana!!! Im not quiet sure, is what he did was a felony or misdemeanor!!! Because in 2007 i reported him threating me and he had a warrent for his arrest and the cop gave him a break because we got back together. he pleaded guilty and we paid a fine, when we went to court. will his record suffer for this...Please respond asat!!!
    For a misdemeanor charge, up to a year in jail. Since this isn't a first time and there was injury that occurred in front of a child, the charge is probably at least one felony - which is measured by YEARS, in prison, not jail.

    Yes, his record will suffer (another arrest, much less a conviction) - and so will you - at least until he beats you unconscious or dead - if you allow this cycle to continue. Hopefully for the child, if the system works the way it's intended to, the child will be long gone before the NEXT cycle gets this far again. You're NOT doing your children or yourself any favors by trying to make an abusive relationship work just for the sake of it. Your children would rather be FROM a violent household, than IN one.
    Catherine NeSmith
    Executive Director
    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

    Fave Big Bang Theory site: Sheldon Cooper Fans

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    5

    Default Re: Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    Actually, my son happen to be in the room, when it happen. We don't argue in front of our kids and when we do, My son is either in the living room or in his room watching t.v. unfortantly, he was in the room at the time. We no the effects of what it does, no one's perfect. And the incident in 2007 was when we had broken up and he made threats...I did the report because it wasn't ok for him to say that even if he was mad. I'm a very forgiving person and if my husband says it actually took this time to open his eyes, that what he's done was wrong, then I can forgive, Never would forget but able to move on. He doesn't beat on me on a regular bases. We happen to be in a heated argument and it escalated to him hitting me. Why do you think I calledd the Police.

    For the comment that was made about kids. Please, my kids are in a loving home and cps or police could see that. Im not really concern but aware. My child is almost 3 and he's aware of everything thats why we try not to argure in front of him but like I said, he just happen to be in the room at the time.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    14,526

    Default Re: Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    Great ... "he doesn't beat me on a regular basis" ... do you understand what you are writing here?

    He needs help, and HE needs to get that help. You need to get out before he hurts you more, or, God forbid, your child.

    As was previously explained, these incidents generate referrals to CPS. If you and he continue to get into it, CPS may act on their own to simply remove the children from your care. The theory there being that if you want to be a human punching bag, your children are not going to be around to witness it.

    Yours is the stereotypical domestic violence victim story ... sadly, this story has a tragic ending which can include one or more dead children, too. Take action NOW to protect yourself and your children. Your children are NOT better off for the two of you remaining in a dysfunctional and violent (even if mainly heated and repeated arguments). All this will teach the children is that you - and all women - are not to be respected and able to be beaten with impunity. Your sons would be more likely to grow up as abusers themselves, and your daughters will often tend to seek out men like daddy - abusers. Do you really want that legacy for your children?

    It will be a far better message for them if they see mom being strong, standing up for herself and encouraging dad to get help. After he has shown the ability to resolve his problems through DEMONSTRATED (not lip service) progress, then maybe you can consider counseling and reconciliation. But, nothing will change until you take steps to make the change. If you continue to be an enabler and to allow this activity to go on, I hope and pray that the authorities seize your children sooner rather than later.

    Sadly, the damage is often done at a real early age ... when you have a 4 year old and a 6 year old giving blow by blow descriptions of daddy beating mommy and they characterize it with a shrug as happening every night, the damage is done. And whether you think the kids are hearing it or not, they KNOW what is going on. Not being in the same room as the fight does not make it any less traumatic.

    For your sake, and for the sake of your kids - even for HIS sake - get some help to protect yourself and them now.


    - Carl
    A Nor Cal Cop Sergeant

    "Make mine a double mocha ...
    And a croissant!"


    Seek justice,
    Love mercy,
    Walk humbly with your God

    -- Courageous, by Casting Crowns

  9. #9

    Default Re: Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    Quote Quoting Jackie143
    View Post
    We no the effects of what it does, no one's perfect.
    No one's perfect - but this has a more drastic impact on the children than you seem to realize.

    then I can forgive, Never would forget but able to move on.
    Forgiveness is cool. But what you're describing is EXCUSES for his dangerous behavior. Two totally different things. There's forgiving and there's being a carpet.

    He doesn't beat on me on a regular bases.
    Say that to police, a CPS worker, or a judge; and the next words out of your mouth will be the goodbye's to your children.

    We happen to be in a heated argument and it escalated to him hitting me. Why do you think I calledd the Police.
    Because like most women in abusive relationships, you wanted the violence to stop at that moment, but you had then and still have now, no clue about the fallout from involving police, or that the system has as a component ACCOUNTABILITY for offender actions. You can want to allow this to continue all you want - but once you bring in outside help, THEY are going to treat an offender like an offender, and are going to treat children who are in abusive homes like children in abusive homes.

    For the comment that was made about kids. Please, my kids are in a loving home and cps or police could see that.
    Yep, you can fly with that theory I suppse - ignorance is bliss. Still, I'd be keeping a bag handy with the kids favorite toys and such - because to the REST of the world, your children are NOT in a loving home, nor a SAFE one. The less you are willing to grasp that this is DAMAGING your children, the greater the risk that you will loose them. Stay in denial, it's a safe place, and one where you don't have to make some hard decisions. But OTHER people, people who CAN take away your children, have an easy call here, and you'd better hope that THEIR decision making doesn't beat you to the proverbial punch. Go pick up the phone and call your local domestic violence program TODAY. Get yourself some counseling, and some education about the dynamics that you're in the middle of. Right now you can't see the forest for the trees - and just because everything around you is moving at the same speed, that doesn't mean you're not in the middle of a tornado - because the reality is, that you ARE.


    Im not really concern but aware. My child is almost 3 and he's aware of everything thats why we try not to argure in front of him but like I said, he just happen to be in the room at the time.
    Arguing is one thing, but see how the term "domestic violence" has the word VIOLENCE in it? It's a crime.
    Catherine NeSmith
    Executive Director
    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

    Fave Big Bang Theory site: Sheldon Cooper Fans

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    853

    Default Re: Domestic Violence Simple Battery

    I just got done giving a deposition in a CPS hearing to remove a woman's children. In the situation you described, I would be REQUIRED to report this to CPS, and in addition, I would be glad to get them out of there.

    Read this book

    and this one

    I have seen this too many times.

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