Custody: Biological Father vs. Step Father

**bjmerrell** · 05-06-2009, 10:48 AM

I am the biological father of a 10 year old boy. I have known him for 2 months. His mother died two years ago, but told me before she died that I had a son. They both decided to raise the child as their own, but soon after divorced. After she died, I got adjudicated as the parent. I have temporary joint custody with the step dad. The child still lives with the step dad. My question is, What are my chances of getting sole custody of my son?

**mmmagique** · 05-06-2009, 11:30 AM

I personally feel it's slim, just because the courts would not want to rip the child out of his home.

If you really think this is in the best interests of the child, then speak to a family law attorney regarding this.

Do you all live in the same state and/or city?

**bjmerrell** · 05-06-2009, 12:45 PM

We live within 40 miles of each other. He has a history of drug abuse w/ admissions of using in front of the children. The kids have a 315 pg CPS file which deals mostly with the mother...he was never around and has been listed by CPS as an absent parent. He appears to be off of drugs, but....

I was also ordered to pay child support to him. He also gets the kids SS check from their mom. I don't mind paying for my kid, but I must admit, it does tick me off to have to pay someone like him who has done nothing but harmed the kid emotionally since he was born. I do feel cheated since I did not know about my child for such a long period of time. It seems like he gets rewarded for all the harm hge has caused.

**pat2003** · 05-07-2009, 11:04 PM

Is his step father a legal guardian? If not, you should be able to have sole custody by laws. But things can change depending on how the judge sees this case. Anyway, you can file a petition for a modification to the court stating that you would like to be involve in the child's life more. Please do gather all evidences that support your claim of the step dad being non-fit parent. You also have to provide the proofs that will convince the judge that your son will be in good hands with you. You also should hire an attorney.

**bjmerrell** · 05-08-2009, 07:35 AM

Quoting pat2003

Is his step father a legal guardian? If not, you should be able to have sole custody by laws. But things can change depending on how the judge sees this case. Anyway, you can file a petition for a modification to the court stating that you would like to be involve in the child's life more. Please do gather all evidences that support your claim of the step dad being non-fit parent. You also have to provide the proofs that will convince the judge that your son will be in good hands with you. You also should hire an attorney.

Since I've only known my son for 4 months, the court thought it would be more harmful to take my son out of his home. Stepdad does claim to have cleaned up, but I'm really not sure. I know my opinion is biased, but iA think he has gotten better at hiding it rather than cleaned up. We have joint custody, but the child remains in his home. THese are only temporary orders and I do have a lawyer. I am trying to help her gather information (more for my own curiosities...I do have faith in her abilities but find myself on pins and needles waiting). More of a second opinion than anything else. I have plenty of proof that I am competent. I've been a school teacher for the last ten years. I do not have a record. I'm active in church and have received over 50 letters of character (some from judges, administrators, neighbors, etc). I'm not so sure stepdad would be found unfit...probably immoral, but not unfit. We do not agree on anything about how a child should be raised. Our moral and value systems are definitely at opposite ends of the spectrum. My main question is has anyone ever heard of a case such as this and if so, what was the end result. The problem I'm having is that this is a unique case with no case study on file. Mom died, step dad wasn't around for years, I was informed of parentage when child was 6, step dad and mom hid it from me, step dad gets ss check so decides to be around more (biasedly my opinion), etc.

**pat2003** · 05-08-2009, 11:11 PM

I wish you luck in winning custody. I am quite certain that there are cases like these but the outcome in each case is very unique because each case is different. You'll have to prove to the judge that you can provide the son with comfort & safety. I don't blame you for being terrified and curios about the step dad's actions. He has a bad pasts and no one knows, except himself, if he has changed since then. You do have to have evidence to prove that you are fit parent and can provide better life for your son. The court does not take "he say, she say".

From my opinion, if the step dad doesn't adopt your son or if he is not your son's legal guardian, you should gain full custody. I don't know whose your son's preference is. But, at 10, the judge can interview your son for his opinion [neither you or step dad can be in the room]. But it depends on you if you would like him to be involved in this situation. Good luck!

**vryanz** · 05-15-2009, 10:29 AM

I dont have any legal advice, just a word of encouragement... HANG IN THERE! Its probably gonna take a lot of time. DONT give up!! It is so worth it to get your child. Especially for you...you sound like a good man and someone who could give this child the good chances he needs in life. And raising him in a good home is the best gift for any child. I will say a prayer for you.

**bjmerrell** · 05-18-2009, 11:56 AM

Thank you. It has been a very trying time. I wasn't raised in a divided home nor have I ever had any experience when dealing with "step parents". THsi si all very new to me and I am NOT used to the head games that are played. This is very new and confusing to me, my wife, and our two kids. I'll take all of the prayer that I can get!